A thief breaks into a home one night. He's been casing the joint, and was waiting for a time when nobody was home.
He gets out his flashlight and moves around the dark house, looking for stuff to steal. But then, a voice comes out of the dark, saying,
"I see you and Jesus sees you."
The thief jumps in surprise and shock, looking around furiously for the owner the voice, but he sees nothing. He heads into the living room of the house, and hears the voice say again,
"I see you and Jesus sees you."
Once again, the thief jumps in panic and looks around, only to find a parrot sitting in his cage in the corner. The thief realizes it was the bird talking. He lets out a sigh of relief and heads for the tv, when he hears a deep, low, threatening growl. Panicking once more, the thief looks around with his flashlight, and finds a huge, black dog in the other corner of the living room, baring his teeth. The parrot then says,
"I see you and Jesus sees you. Get him, Jesus!"
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Roguemail (1565)
4 years ago
A kid comes home from a school and asks his dad to help him with question on his homework.
He asks ' What is the difference between theory and reality?'
The father thinks about it for a minute and says "OK...try this. Go and ask your mother if she would sleep with the gardner for a million dollars". He does this and comes back and says "She says yes she would".
"OK, now go and ask your sister the same question." He comes back and says " She also said yes".
The father says "There you go. Theory and reality. In theory, we are sitting on two million dollars...in reality, we are living with a couple of fucking ho's"
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AmeriGirl26 (12415)
4 years ago
Here's a good Blond Joke for you :D
Two blonds are robbing a bank. Blond 1 gives instructions to Blond 2, and Blond 2 goes in.
An hour later, there's an explosion, and Blond 2 comes running out with the safe tied to her back, while the clerk comes running out with his pants around his ankles.
Blond 1 is furious and yells to Blond 2, "You idiot! I told you to blow up the safe and tie up the clerk!"
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