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Isn’t it a bit unfair that we are expected to have our entire lives together by our mid 30’s?

posted 5 years ago by MovieBuff224 (5053)
29 replies | jump to latest

At the most you get up until you are in your late 30’s before people start looking at you funny if you aren’t at least married with a career, and they usually expect you to have kids as well.

I’m 36, I feel like I’ve only really just reached the level of wisdom/confidence necessary to navigate this world in the last 3-5 years, maybe even less.

I was a bit of a late bloomer, high school was rough and I spent my 20’s making up for lost time in terms of social exploration and developing confidence. There were still, however plenty of growing pains and obstacles along that path.

Many people will tell you 20 years is plenty of time to enjoy your youth and establish your identity but that assumes you had a relatively smooth/stable adolescence. I think an overwhelming majority of those who didn’t forgo this period of exploration and jump right into adulthood which is fine but not the route I took.

I feel like I still have a handful kinks to iron out before I’m ready to make this transition and with 40 staring at me right down the barrel it is a very stressful time to not have your life figured out.

[–] samoanjoes (51000) 5 years ago

Have you seen "Marty (1955)"? The whole movie is about a man who feels pressured by everyone around him to marry because he's over the age of 30.

[–] dmac8 (5050) 5 years ago

when you bloom is when you bloom. late or early or on time is just a societal label that's always changing anyway.

and realize that living your life to attain the approval of others is a poor strategy for happiness.

so make sure your concerns about closing in on 40 are actually yours and not concerns about what others might think or say about the same. they don't deserve any real estate in your mind.

[–] froggyandtoadie (835) 5 years ago

Life really is too short and people’s expectations are useless. Go at your own leisurely pace and enjoy yourself!

[–] FilmQuestions (67) 5 years ago

Not that long ago most people only lived to their 60s or early 70s, so life was a bit more urgent. Now making it to 85-90 is not unusual. If you stay in good health you'll have plenty of time to accomplish everything you want.

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

Carpe Diem

[–] GlenEllyn (21090) 5 years ago

I think this is a valid point. I also think that expectations are changing in that a lot of people are waiting longer to marry than in the past. When I was in high school, the average age at first marriage was early 20s, nowadays it's close to 30. Heck, plenty of folks are skipping marriage altogether.

[–] GlenEllyn (21090) 5 years ago

Ignore the rest of the world. You do you. Be happy.

[–] slimone (7996) 5 years ago

It takes a lifetime to get your whole life together. Things change from day to day. We learn from our mistakes and have a better life. To expect people to get this all in the mid-30's is absurd.

[–] ILJtheFirst (1928) 5 years ago

Yep, so true. In your 20's you're expected to live fast, crazy, and drive a nice car. In your 30's, marry, have kids, and drive a mini-van.

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

(1 minute read)

"The secret of life is to let every segment of it produce its own yield at its own pace. Every period has something new to teach us. The harvest of youth is achievement; the harvest of middle-age is perspective; the harvest of age is wisdom; the harvest of life is serenity." ~ Joan D. Chittister

In her book "Illuminated Life", she also puts it this way, "All we have in life is life. The things - the cars, the houses, the educations, the jobs, the money - come and go, turn to dust between our fingers, change and disappear.... the secret of life... is that it must be developed from the inside out" (Orbis Books, 2000; page 14).

In Pirkei Avot, the sage Joshua ben Perachyah says, “Find yourself a teacher, and get yourself a friend, and give everyone the benefit of the doubt.”

"Find people you can trust to give you good feedback. Listen to them. As for everyone else, assume that they are being rude out of pain or insecurity or a misguided desire to help, and don’t worry about them. Do your best and LET IT GO." ~ Ruth Adar of Coffee Shop Rabbi

~~/o/