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Should I send my old middle-school best friend a Facebook friend request?

posted 4 years ago by whynotwriteme (7433)
37 replies | jump to latest

So I finally found my old best friend's FB page. Every once in a while I like to look up people I used to know. For some reason, this guy never came up whenever I searched him before. We were like brothers from grade 6 until I moved away at the end of 8th grade. I have always wondered what happened to him. I found him yesterday and I was going to send him a friend request, but then I started reading his posts.

We were both Dungeons & Dragons nerds and outcasts back then, but the guy is now a neurotic, fragile mess of a pothead, unemployed, lives with roommates, is into all these weird fringe-geek activities, whines all the time about his plight, and just is, in general, a shambolic wreck. He's in his 40s and he's still living the life of someone in their early 20s with absolutely no direction or motivation.

My responsible, married-with-kids suburban lifestyle is totally different from his and I decided reconnecting would just be awkward and upsetting for both of us. I don't want to judge the guy, but his lifestyle and attitude seem toxic and I would not want to be exposed to that, even at a distance online.

Am I being a jerk? Would you friend this guy if you were in my shoes?

[–] [deleted] 4 years ago

[deleted]

[–] whynotwriteme (7433) 4 years ago

LOL! Good point.

[–] [deleted] 4 years ago

I would. Especially since they are in dire straits.

[–] samoanjoes (52986) 4 years ago

Is he the main songwriter?

[–] [deleted] 4 years ago

Maybe, he could be. You never know.

[–] whynotwriteme (7433) 4 years ago

I just have a feeling that if I got in touch with him, his life would stay the same while mine would only get worse. I look at him and think "There but for the grace of God go I" and I have no desire whatsoever to sabotage my life and join him on his path to oblivion.

[–] samoanjoes (52986) 4 years ago

Sounds like you don't want any negativity. Since you know what he's up to which is something you were wondering, I'd say pass.

[–] whynotwriteme (7433) 4 years ago

Very sound advice.

[–] Esterhowse (468) 4 years ago

> We were both Dungeons & Dragons nerds and outcasts back then, but the guy is now a neurotic, fragile mess of a pothead, unemployed, lives with roommates, is into all these weird fringe-geek activities, whines all the time about his plight, and just is, in general, a shambolic wreck. He's in his 40s and he's still living the life of someone in their early 20s with absolutely no direction or motivation.

Why would you want to deal with that?

> Am I being a jerk?

No.

> Would you friend this guy if you were in my shoes?

Hell no. Why would you want that mess in your life.

[–] brux (14666) 4 years ago

What kind of best friend is he if you have to stalk him on Facebook to find him? Making yourself look better by slamming your friend makes you sound like you are not a very good friend, and your stalking you old best friend makes it sound like you don't have many friends. Maybe you should contemplate your life a little bit.

[–] howgamer (3723) 4 years ago

Don't send him a friend request unless you actually want to connect with him which it sounds like you don't.

You've been out of contact for so long and you have already judged him, even though you don't know everything that has happened in his life to get him to the point where he currently is. It seems obvious that you don't have much in common since the former dungeon master likes "fringe-geek activities", whatever those may be, and you don't. Why would you friend him or are you trying to settle some old feud?

[–] Gubbio (3893) 4 years ago

Facebook sucks. I have absolutely no desire to reconnect with people I haven't heard from in 30 or 40 years. But, that's just me.

And, when you find someone with myriad serious problems, why would you want to involve yourself? 🙄 Life is tough enough.....

[–] [deleted] 4 years ago

What are these fringe-geek activities?

Aside from that, I wouldn't bother. I'm guessing you're about the same age as me and I will say that my best friend from those years is on Facebook and in my friends list we do very little communicating with each other but we both live fairly responsible lifestyles.

My other question to you is since you seem to know what's going on with him, do you plan on checking in on him again at some point in the future if you don't friend him?