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Do we become more miserable as we get older?

posted 3 years ago by samoanjoes (52959)
74 replies | jump to latest

I'm not even 40, but sometimes I look back on my life not knowing how I did certain things. It's almost like I didn't give myself enough credit during those days.

In my teens to my mid-20s, if I was invited to a party, I was all up for it. But if I was invited to a party now, I feel like I don't want to take time out of my day to go to a party. And I don't mean in a getting drunk kind of way. Just generally attending a party. I'd rather just stay home and watch movies or sports.

I recall being younger and excited to watch a movie I was waiting for in the theatre. Now I just feel like it's not worth the effort and would rather stay home. Why go all the way there, buy a ticket, find a seat that is hopefully to my liking when I can enjoy it from the comfort of my own home? And without an audience talking over a movie is a bonus.

Have I just become miserable or am I just an old fogey? Or maybe I'm an old, miserable fogey.

[–] GlenEllyn (21239) 3 years ago

I don't think you're miserable or an old fogey. You're simply content with being at home and doing things you enjoy in the way you enjoy them. You deserve to live your life the way you want. As someone else mentioned here, no more peer pressure over what you "should" do. Just do what you want to do. Live your own life and nuts to the rest the world.

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

It's not about what I feel I should do. I just feel that this shift of not really caring about stuff was strange.

[–] joi2049 (5500) 3 years ago

It's not strange, it's perfectly NORMAL to feel the way that you do, and to lose interest in being as social as you use to be in your teens and twenties.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-secret-lives-introverts/201809/its-true-we-become-more-introverted-age

It's True: We Become More Introverted With Age

It happens to everyone (even extroverts), and it turns out to be a good thing.

On many levels, the same is true for me. In high school and college, it was normal for me to spend almost every Friday and Saturday night out with friends (even though as an introvert, it often drained me). Now, in my 30s, the perfect weekend is one with zero social plans.

Sound familiar???

Psychologists call this phenomenon “intrinsic maturation,” and it means our personalities become more balanced as we get older—“a kind of fine wine that mellows with age,” writes Cain.

Generally, people become more emotionally stable, agreeable, and conscientious as they leave their youth behind. They also become quieter and more self-contained, needing less socializing and excitement to be happy.

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

I was always aware of it for people in their retirement age. You know, the whole "turn that music down, you lousy kids!" But in my late 30s just seemed odd to me. I almost feel like a different person.

[–] joi2049 (5500) 3 years ago

I almost feel like a different person.

You are a different person.

And that's also NORMAL as well.

At 1 day old you were also a different person than you were at 1 yr old.

And at 10 yrs old you were also a different person than you were at 20 yrs old, etc. etc. etc.

And my guess is you probably also don't want to be a 1 day yr old or 1 yr old again???

Right???

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

I mean, when I was 1 there were less stresses in life...

[–] joi2049 (5500) 3 years ago

How do you know this?

Can you remember that period of time in your life???

Or is all you remember what others told you about it???

Which decade were you born?

Perhaps a look back at the history of what was going on at that time could also present you with a different story about how much stress there was at that time???

Because most 1 yr old infants are pretty much still like a FETUS inside of the WOMB (due to the way that their parents would also create an environment like a nursery setting as a way to protect them from other stressful situations that may surround them after they're born).

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

I was born in the 80s. When I was 1, I had better health, people were feeding me, people were changing me, I never said the wrong thing and I never had to worry about what to wear, and I got gifts just for being cute. I had it made.

[–] joi2049 (5500) 3 years ago

But IF you can't remember this, then how do you know for sure that's the way that it really was???

Because IF you yourself can't remember, then all you have to rely on is what someone else tells you happened, and we also know people sometimes can't be depended upon to always tell us the truth.

Right???

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

I guess. But at least I had my entire life ahead of me.

[–] GlenEllyn (21239) 3 years ago

I think I understand. Please keep in mind that this past year has been strange and difficult for everyone. Maybe this is a phase you're going through?? I've had times where I've seemingly lost all interest in doing anything - even things that I used to love doing. And age has a way of re-prioritizing things. Stuff you used to enjoy doing or were important in your 20s, just...aren't anymore. Life experiences also change the way we think about some things, too.

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

No, I've been feeling this way since I've turned 30.

[–] tcrum (30457) 3 years ago

A lot of us here are close in age, so yes I think its perfectly normal. I remember saying to my mother in law, you've got to see this show, its amazing. She was like sure, whatever..well now I'm there and I get it. Thats why I get so excited these days when I do see something original, or engaging.

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

Does that mean in 20 years I'm going to start watching Golden Girls and Matlock?

[–] tcrum (30457) 3 years ago

Not sure but scarily the show I was talking about with my mother in law was the Pilot for Family Guy...There now do you feel younger:)

[–] AnubisRaydeen (7897) 3 years ago

Maybe not a bad idea to get a blood test. Check yer levels.

Otherwise, being jaded isn't a weird thing. Look for other things that motivate you to get out. Our motivations change as interests change.

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

Coincidentally I do have a blood test next week.

[–] lud (5928) 3 years ago

I think we realize how naive we are been when we were younger.
We believed that people are good etc..
After many years of experince with people,most people become bitter,miserable as they got older.

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

i think the exact opposite is true.
in that most studies show that people become happier and more satisfied with their lives as they age.
i'm on the clock & pretending to work, so i can't go digging right now, but if i remember, i'll pull some articles later.

certainly for myself, i'm much happier as a middle-aged guy.
i remember my teens and twenties as a time of worry, always worrying about the future and what would happen to me, to my parents.

certainly things don't excite me like they used to.
i don't get a kick out of music or movies like i once did, and i miss that rush.
but i'm happy with the trade-off that comes with midlife contentment.

[–] joi2049 (5500) 3 years ago

I agree with what you say Damo. Unless something horrid has happened to someone (like the case was with Mark Twain-- who lost several members of his family-- which made him miserable later on in life), you're most likely right about how people tend to become more happy and satisfied with life as they age.

I also suspect that most people who post RUDE remarks back at you on message boards are also not SENIOR CITIZENS (who probably also don't give a hoot about being insulted by them).

😊

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

I wouldn't say it's sadness or unhappiness for me. I just feel a big "who cares?" when it comes to doing anything. Someone invited me to watch a hockey game at their house: I'll pass. A day at the beach: pass. It's like what married couples who have been together for 40 years say about not really feel like having sex anymore.

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

honestly, that seems more or less normal to me, as do all the things you described in your original post.

i think the articled joi2049 linked to above lays it all out quite nicely.

with the caveat that there's no such thing as a universal human experience, of course.

[–] ColumboKate (5368) 3 years ago

I feel exactly the same way 😄.

Enjoy being a grumpy old man. If you're happy with your life then don't change for anyone , even if they think you are boring.

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

I'm starting to think Scrooge is misunderstood.

[–] TandyMan (10645) 3 years ago

I definitely get more miserable every year. I pretty much don't enjoy anything anymore. And have absolutely no patience for other people.

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

We become more miserable if we allow ourselves to.

[–] nycmoviefanno2 (11) 3 years ago

Well, this is just a guess. Your thinking is similar to many people throughout the society. The society is so messed up that you have come to the conclusion that you are not going to do many of the things you used to do...

[–] samoanjoes (52959) 3 years ago

I guess I'm not as old as I thought.