How would you or did you handle this?

FYI, I'm a research psychologist by academic training, but not a clinician.

> If you sorta knew someone who rubbed you and maybe some others the wrong way then [...] after you or others had lashed out at them in response to their demeanor [you] found out that the person had some mental disabilities you and some others may not have been aware of.

Depends on the circumstances. And I'm assuming the person in question is an adult.

I think there's a tendency in the clinical arena, and (even moreso?) in society, to pathologize any aberrant or unpleasant behavior. And once a person is diagnosed as having disorder X, there's a tendency to immediately blame that disorder for that person's actions. There are many people who are, quite bluntly, horses' asses. For each of them, their behavior could be traced to events and influences in their past.

But the same thing applies to all the rest of us. We've all had successes and disappointments, sometimes traumatic events. We all carry around some sort of "baggage." I've got mine, you've got yours, the man next door has his, and so on. Some people's baggage is heavier than others. Well, that's life.

I think that for functional adults -- ones who obey the law, fulfill their responsibilities, et cetera -- the overwhelming presumption should be that they are fully responsible for their own actions. I also think that for such persons, even if they do have some sort of disorder and are under a therapist's care, the healthiest thing the rest of us can do for them is extend that presumption to them. Now, if the person is exhibiting very bizarre behavior, or shows signs of being dangerous to others of self, or some other extreme thing, that's another matter. But it doesn't sound like it's the case here.

I also wonder how you found out about these disabilities. Just my experince, but unless you heard it from a professional involved with his or her care your information is distorted or wrong. Not just for psych but any medical matter.

If you didn't know, you didn't know. But I might question if “lashing out” is the best response to anyone who “rubs you the wrong way”. Too many times people hammer others for what amounts to a difference in style --i.e., a felony sentence for a misdemeanor offense.

I have been there, and those people tend to repel others on a constant basis. Best suggestion is to stay far away from them.

I was probably that person. But it made me realise who were real friends and that the rest were not worth bothering about. So don't feel too bad about it.

Don't feel bad. We don't have enough minutes in a day to apply special consideration for every person that behaves poorly. Only try to not fire back as a rule because either the asshole is a special case like you mentioned or they are just a miserable shit that will drag you down. Of course, if they are a relative or someone you cannot avoid, then give them lots of chances to be better. You could help. But don't feel bad for reacting. Just try not to.

We all carry an invisible bowl around. When someone bumps your arm hard enough, you spill what's in your bowl on them. Keep your bowl full of honey but walk on from the bumpers lest their vinegar end up in your bowl as well.

I had a boss whom had brought her daughter to work one day. I was on a break in the back room being a goofball to amuse her and she kept sneering at me. I felt the slight urge to go cold and walk away but I kept trying to get past her wall and finally I got laughter out of her. It was only then that I realized that half of her face was paralyzed and she had been smiling at me the whole time. I would have felt very bad if I had followed my first instinct. Since then, I try to control my behavior and "act" rather than "react."