I don't think it's a simple issue.
Can you choose to like raspberries better than strawberries? Maybe you can and someone else can't. So your personal taste is a gut reaction, possibly combined with some degree of choice. (For example, what if your 4-year-old niece LOVES raspberries, and it's REALLY important to her that you share this appreciation, and you love her as much as anyone in your life? You are going to automatically appreciate raspberries more than you did before, without even thinking about it. You might even "choose" to change your preference.)
Your sexuality has got to be far more complicated than your preference in berry fruits.
I think it's close-minded to say that homosexuality is always a choice, but it's also close-minded to say that it's always a black-and-white preference that you are born with. People are complicated. There are 7 billion of us, and there is a tremendous amount of variance among us in all areas.
I think we just need to respect everyone's individuality. And not try to inform them that we "know" how they got to be the way they are.
______
Irony Man, Thorn, Capitan Armorica, The Hunk, Hog-Eye, Back Window, & Warm Machine:
The Revengers
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noirish73
9 years ago
I have a friend who I immediately thought was gay when I first met her--but then I found out she had a crush on a married guy, so I brushed those thoughts out of my head. Well, years later (well into middle age) she "discovered" she was gay and married a woman! How could she not know?? She had been married 3 times, and I think that is why none of those relationships worked. She knew something was missing. And, no, the relationship with the married man never developed into anything. That made it easy: wanting someone she didn't actually have to get close to. I don't think she really enjoyed the sex much with the men. She had "never thought about" having a relationship with a woman! I think some people--particularly women--just go with what they've been brought up to think is normal, what they think they are supposed to do--and not really think about what they WANT. This woman I honestly believe didn't even entertain the idea that another woman was what would make her happy and fulfilled until she met her spouse-to-be.
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Franco_Zed
9 years ago
I think that these kinds of stories are probably a lot more common than most people realize.
Lots of people don't fall into the simple categories of "gay-and-always-knew-it" or "straight-and-always-knew-it".
I think there are a lot of bisexuals in the world who don't feel comfortable admitting it. I knew a lesbian who had previously been married to a man. I knew another lesbian who had had at least 2 relationships with men. As far as I know, both women identified as lesbian, but from their relationships it would be entirely reasonable to call them bisexual. I think bisexual people are frequently misunderstood by straight people AND gay people.
Lesbians get a lot of flack from their gay friends if they date a man. I've seen this happen.
"I think some people--particularly women--just go with what they've been brought up to think is normal, what they think they are supposed to do--and not really think about what they WANT."
My guess is that this is equally true for men.
______
"I would glue noodles and prunes to my shoe
For one oozey spoonful of jellyfish stew."
- Prelutsky
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noirish73
9 years ago
I am sure it can be true for men, too. I just said "particularly women" because women are more apt to have been brought up to take care of/nurture/please OTHER people. I have another friend--this one straight--who has been married 3 times, and in counseling one time during the breakdown of one of her marriages, she was asked what she wanted--and she actually broke down crying because no one had ever asked her that before and she didn't even KNOW what she wanted! She has come a long way since, but she is still the kind of person who is always there for someone else, always the nurturing one.
Also--I think it's a misconception that gay people can't have sex with people of the opposite sex--or even enjoy it; it's just not their first choice. A lot of gay people used to get married because they wanted the whole family and children thing and that was the only way to do it then.
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