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Should I care about an ex-lover's experience?


There's this guy I like, and I thinks he likes me. But something is bothering me. One of my female friends use to date him. She says that he's not very good in bed. They were together for 2 years, until they decided to break up. She didn't say the bad sex was the reason they broke up. She said that their personalities are incompatible.

I'm not sure if I should take this with a grain of salt. I don't think my friend is jealous. She seems to be happier and is in a relationship that she said is very satisfying for her.

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He was so bad, she had to keep sleeping with him for two years? Yes, grain of salt. She doesnt have to be jealous to be wrong about the nature of their bedroom issues.

Good luck to you!

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Thanks! I too was wonering about this. Two years is a long time.

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All relationships involve compromise. Sometimes a person puts up with annoying habits or horrible in-laws as the price of being in a relationship, sometimes they put up with disappointing sex, if the person is wonderful in other ways or they just don't want to be alone.

Anyway, the OP sounds very young, or at least very young by my standards. So OP, is your friend honest in general? Have you seen her backstabbing others, or she nice when she doesn't have to be? Have you seen her warn others about pitfalls that really did exist? Because even without considering any of that it's likely enough that she's telling the truth, some people are just lousy lays.

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It doesn’t matter how bad the relationship was, or how good the current relationship is, your friend does not want you to date her ex. I don’t know how you don’t understand this.

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[deleted]

The way you posed this question makes no sense to me. Whether or not she was telling the truth has nothing to do with the experience you'll have with this guy, different people work differently sexually. I guess there seems to be more important questions you should've asked, and there are more important things you should be considering when it comes to pursuing this dude.

For example, if she is telling the truth and he is a terrible lover, is that enough to put you off trying with him? What other things specifically ended their relationship - she has 2 years worth of dirt, so I would've asked a lot more about that 2 years and how it played out. I personally know a lot of people who stay in relationships for years when it should've ended much sooner, that's nothing new or weird as people are suggesting. It often takes years to see a person for who they are.

And if she's lying, there's still something to be said about a guy who would date someone who'd lie about him in order to keep girls away from him. For instance, is the reason they stayed together because he's attracted to dramatic women?

In any case, I think it's more important to go off your own experience with him, and decide whether you wanna take the chance with him regardless of the ex-lover's admission - and if you find he's terrible in bed and you're not into him, you can end it then, this is a fairly new relationship.

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I would like to know if she did anything to improve the "not very good in bed" part. I mean every human is different and likes different things when it comes to sex. Did she ever try talking to him about it? Telling him what she liked or wanted? Are you willing to do that if/when it comes to that? I think those who are best in bed, are the ones who find out what their partner likes.

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Just 'cause he's not into pegging doesn't mean he's necessarily bad in bed. Give him a shot (literally).

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Sex is 20 minutes, Ask yourself if you want to spend 4 hours at a baseball game, 2 hours in a lawn chair drinking beer. Connection and friendship is what is important, long term. Sit with the guy, just you and him for 1 hour, you should know if he's right for you after that.

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That's her fault. If you don't tell your partner what works for you they will just keep on doing what they know.

Unless she's telling you that he's abusive or controlling then it's stupid to listen to her on this issue imo.

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But telling your partner what works for you, doesn't necessarily mean that your partner will do what works for you.

Most people would rather do what works for themselves, than what works for others, humans are selfish.

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