MovieChat Forums > Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017) Discussion > If Rian Johnson was directing Episode 9 ...

If Rian Johnson was directing Episode 9 also....


Here's my version. The First Order, under Kylo's reign, has built the ultimate superweapon, capable of destroying entire galaxies. Hux, trying to stop him, ends up joining the Resistance because Kylo has gotten out of hand.

Rey tries to turn Kylo back to the side of good, but it is not taking. He attacks, and the two are fighting. There is a slow hour-long standoff between Kylo and Rey where they are making moves back and forth, tapping each other's sabers lightly to remind each other that they're still there, but neither are actually attacking.

Finally, Rey gets the upper hand, and it looks like Kylo is doomed. She decides against killing him, telling him once again that his fight is futile.

Kylo puts away his saber and agrees. Rey helps him up. The two hug. While they are hugging, Kylo whispers "Gotcha" and pushes the button for his superweapon.

BOOOOM. The entire galaxy is destroyed. It's all gone in a flash.

AUDIENCE EXPECTATIONS: SUBVERTED.

PLEASE GIVE ME A TWENTY PICTURE DEAL NOW!

What's your version of Rian's episode 9?

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Kind of wish he was doing episode 9...would be far easier to say fuck it and stay home...

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Yeah I'd probably feel the same way, but it would be irresistible to see if it was a train wreck.

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I would have Hux in charge of the ultimate superweapon as Kylo and Rey meet to slug it out with a lightsabre battle.
With Rey struggling, Luke appears as an apparition to join in. Kylo is joined by apparition Palpatine. Then Kenobi, Anakin, Maul, Dooku, Windu, Yoda and Grievous all appear for a Jedi lightsabre smackdown. Rey and Kylo simultaneous score hits on each other only to discover they are attacking projections of their opponents while the real Rey and Kylo are levitating on platforms on opposite sides of the galaxy. Realizing how pointless everything is, the entire ensemble raise their hands to the sky and force-push the superweapon and the rest of the entire New Order into the nearest sun. And because it's Disney, finish on a song.

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I laughed out loud at the apparitions appearing. Good show!

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10/10.

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Basically Rian will undo everything he rolled out in Episode 8, which means Snokes is coming back!

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Would rather have RJ than JJ "Mystery Box" Abrams. And at least RJ has an eye for the visuals.

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at least JJ gave us some intreasting plot points , TFA was far far better than TLJ

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tfa like like a bucket of dog shit, tlj was someone eating that dog shit.

They are both shockingly terrible movies.

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But Rey's parentage was the only "mystery" in TFA.

Snoke's background, for example, was already said by Abrams long ago: Snoke is a new evil guy from outside the known Star Wars galactic territory. Abrams might have even said that before TFA was released. The art book repeats that background. It's just not something worth mentioning in dialogue, nor is it necessary.

Luke's reasoning for running off to Ahch-To was already given in TFA.

Oh, and Lor San Tekka had a background that there was no time to get into: He is a Jedi scholar who helped Luke find Ahch-To (this is also mentioned in the art book). That's why he had a part of the map to find the planet. Thus, he's not a mystery either, his character was fully crafted when he was written, and the fact that he has the map and knows who Kylo is (as well as Kylo knowing who he is), those are clear signs that he is a close associate of Luke.

Other than Rey's family, were there any other mysteries in Force Awakens? The Knights of Ren don't count, because they were obviously followers and allies of Kylo.

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'mystery box' is JJAs choice of words, not mine; his way of explaining his inability to tell a story away as a feature not a bug.

There are zero mysteries in TFA, it is simply ANH with a few plot points rearranged in order to disguise the fact it is a reboot not a sequel.

Do you think JJA gives a shit about Lor San Tekka is? Nope! So I'm not going to life any sleep over it.

The only mystery concerning JJA is his mysterious ability to gain bizarrely lenient reviews from the blogosphere.

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DAMN! I did not expect that! this is sooo good. The way you subverted all my expectations! May I suggest a picture deal with Lucasfilm? I am a representative of Ms Kennedy and I would like to get in touch with you.

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I wanted to bring true closure to the franchise, in a very Shakespearean fashion. It ain't over until everybody's dead.

It relates to the human experience and facing our mortality, which means it's very artistic and thought-provoking, ya know.

Feel free to praise my sheer genius and my deep thoughts!

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Let Chewbacca retire comfortably from space flight and open a chain of Wookie-style roast porg restaurants across the universe.
And since droids can't be detected by force-users (as evidenced in one of the opening scenes of TPA when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are startled by a protocol droid) have someone reprogram C3PO with the killer instincts of a T-1000. Should clear up the Jedi for good.

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Rian should do a remake of the Holiday Special.

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He'll only make it worse.

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Please don't give Disney any ideas

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Too late. KK is a known shitposter on these boards.

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My take on a Rian / Kennedy version would be something like this:

At the start of the movie things are in a very low state for the resistance. A new pink haired lesbian woman comes out of nowhere as the new "Admiral" in charge of everything because of some heroics at some off-screen battle. There is another battle where Poe (the male x-wing pilot) doesn't follow orders and things get even worse for them. There is a trial and Poe is gets blamed for everything that's happened. He is banished or executed for his crimes and most of the male pilots replaced by women.

Meanwhile, Kylo Ren and his band of Evil White Men (tm) have once again bounced back and built a new superweapon (maybe a cube shaped death star this time) and 300 star destroyers out of nowhere.

Rey learns this via a force skype call with Kylo Ren. There is a dramatic moment when the pink haired woman tells her not to go, but Rey disobeys and goes to confront Klyo Ren by herself. Kylo Ren wants to convert Rey so he lets her into the Death Cube (tm). They fight a bit, and then Rey decides to unleash her ultimate weapon: feminist sexuality. She starts coming onto Kylo as an "empowered female in control of her sexuality" and seduces him literally. They have sex and when Kylo's guard is down she sticks a lightsaber through him (in a juicy metaphor).

Meanwhile, the pink haired women and an all-female (with a couple token minorities, like Finn thrown in) force of x-wing pilots lead a brave assault against the cube and the 300 star destroyers to save Rey. Only by using feminine "teamwork" and keeping the hot shot males from screwing things up do they succeed in turning the battle.

Rey hits the giant red "self destruct - do NOT press" button on her way out of Kylo's chamber and leaves the cube. The cube blows up and the final shot is of Rey and the Pink Haired woman celebrating and making out a little, with force ghost Yoda and force ghost Luke leering in the background.

THE END.

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Pretty funny. If you’re gona be fenminst trolling this is the way to do it. I enjoyed.

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