MovieChat Forums > The Wrestler (2009) Discussion > Did Randy really love his daughter?

Did Randy really love his daughter?

posted 8 years ago by coolbrett
12 replies | jump to latest

So he spent most of her life neglecting her, for which there was no excuse. Then he has a heart attack and realises he can't wrestle anymore, so he decides to find a companion so he's not lonely. So he goes for the stripper who he thinks likes him. When she declines, he goes for the next closest thing; the daughter he neglected and knows hates him. He shows up and immediately tells her he had a heart attack and that he wants her back in his life (but he doesn't tell her it's because, in his words, he "doesn't want to be alone"). She falls for his trick and goes along. Then he reverts back to his old ways just as easily as he did when she was a kid. Sounds to me that he always was, and always will be, a loser father. He realised that everything that really matters in life to a normal person doesn't matter to him, so he decided that life isn't worth living so he kills himself. It's a shame, because Rourke did such a great job of making us sympathise with his character, even though he didn't deserve it at all. Deep down he's a bad person, but he wants to cover it up cos he doesn't want to admit it to himself, and he wants us to believe he's a good person. But the damage he did had already been done and you can't just forget that and start again. He's already showed Stephanie the type of person he was. That's a testament to his great performance.

[–] adresher-1 8 years ago

Randy did love his daughter. He was a horrible father and put his character Randy "The Ram" Robinson first and above anything else in his life. Look at how he risked his life at the end for one more match when he could have left with the love of his life.

I am not defending him, but he was never home and just did not know how to be a good father. I have seen this happen with lawyers and investment bankers. While their children were growing up they were always traveling and working and never got to spend time with their kids. They one day realize that they really do not know them. However, they still love them.

[–] kmags84 8 years ago

Yeah, this is always a Tough One to answer. "The Ram" we see may be at the end of his rope and is living match to match, which is really week to week BUT he WAS a Star at one point. Anyone who knows a professional entertainer, no matter if it's a lowly Piano Player or someone in a Band, a struggling Actor etc, they're always working. Traveling is usually the only way to make ends meet. Shows in the same city usually don't pay. So it's hard to be around as often as they'd want to be. I'm not saying it doesn't mean characters or people like "The Ram" aren't living selfishly because they certainly are and they usually ignore anything that isn't the Lifestyle. Yet, I don't think that means he doesn't love his daughter. I think we saw real emotion from him, which Rourke deserves a nod for, he truly embodied this role and DA knew he was the guy. I don't think there's any doubting Rourkes crazy history in Hollywood and how it related to this film. He had it all, lost it all and reclaimed it all due to this very role. I'm sure there were alot of personal issues that surfaced due to this film. The love appeared real to me but it seemed both Father and Daughter understood the reality of the situation at hand. Why keep getting hurt? Why ignore who you are? Those things come into play when a lifestyle is all someone knows. It's not an excuse, just an unfortunate truth. Very emotional film.

[–] adresher-1 8 years ago

Well said! Randy and his daughter's relationship reminded me a lot of one of my closest childhood friends. Both of his parents put their careers first and were always travelling. His father was at times away for months working on an international trial. His mother was also always traveling for work and one time took a job teaching at a university for a semester when her kids were still in school.

While my friend was personable and well liked, he go by and pretty much retaliated by not caring about his parents in return. His younger brother was not so lucky and became a junkie and died of a heroine overdose.

At the funeral you could see the sorrow from his parents. They loved their kids, they were just horrible parents.

[–] OldFriendOfTheChristys 8 years ago

I am not defending him, but he was never home and just did not know how to be a good father.

Agreed.

It'd appeared he really wanted to start anew with her, and when he realized he'd messed up yet again he seemed genuinely remorseful.

I'm not defending the guy, but his intentions did seem kind.

[–] Darren (1152) 5 years ago

I have to disagree with one of your point here, as I think it misses the point in a BIG way:

Randy did love his daughter. He was a horrible father and put his character Randy "The Ram" Robinson first and above anything else in his life. Look at how he risked his life at the end for one more match when he could have left with the love of his life.

Randy wasn't risking his life for one more match in the final scene; he was committing suicide. I don't mean accidentally either. He loved his daughter, but he simply didn't know how to be a good dad. Even when he tried his best, he failed, and alienated her in the end. In that final scene, this is a man who looked back at his whole life, and realized that he had only EVER been good at one thing: being a pro wrestler. He was broke because he couldn't manage his money, and had lost the millions he'd earned. He unintentionally alienated his own daughter because he'd never been there for her growing up, and he couldn't repair the damage. Whoever his daughter's mother was, he'd long ago ruined that relationship as well. He couldn't hold down a job. He had nothing to live for. Not even Pam/Cassidy, when she tries to reconcile with him, and pleads for him to leave with her. He doesn't refuse because he'd rather wrestle one more match that be with the woman he wants; it's because he's decided it won't work anyway. He understands he's no good at relationships, and doubtless believes he'll screw this one up too in the end, and lose her as well. Wrestling is the only thing he was ever good, or ever succeeded at, and it's the only thing that ever made him happy, so he decides to go out in a blaze of glory because it's preferable to living the remainder of his sad, failed, dreary, lonely life the way he's sure it's all going to play out.

[–] Tank-McQuade 8 years ago

He didn't love her, he loved his drugs and strippers.

Randy deserved to die like that....karma

[–] KutWrite (1220) 5 years ago

It's partly open to us to interpret.

There's a scene missing from my version which I saw in the "Making Of" video. It's a phone call he makes to his daughter just before he calls to switch the "Ayatollah" match back on. He tells her he won't ever bother her again but how he does love her. That answers the question for me.

Interesting how close a reflection of his own struggle Pam/Cassidy has.

[–] TheAdlerian (2092) 4 years ago

He did not love his daughter.

Love is action. If you do not act like it, you do not love.

He was like a warrior and loved action and himself. He was like the character in Hurt Locker. He didn't love his kid and found the kid boring, he loved defusing bombs and being in a war.

[–] NGMI (1184) 3 years ago

Most people think before they act. Especially stupid ones. So his actions were programmed in already, after years and years of being alone on the road.

[–] contreras (460) 4 years ago

From the events of the movie I assume what happened before was similar, he tried to be a decent dad but fucked up so he stayed away to avoid hurting the girl and her mother.

[–] Metafour (7) 3 years ago

Sure he did, but being able to show someone you love them is not always easy for an emotionally damaged person. He’s been a failure as a father for so long that even though he wishes to be the father he’s never had, it’s easier and more familiar to be the failure. He really was trying, and made great progress with his daughter, but he made poor choices that turned out to have dire consequences.

Do I blame the girl? No. When you have an unstable parent come back into your life it’s absolutely necessary to set boundaries for your own emotional safety and sanity. She was too young and immature to have a real grasp of where her father was in his life mentally and emotionally.

[–] jacotodd47 (1046) 2 years ago

Yeah I think he did. The problem is, when she wanted and needed him, he was too self involved. He wasn't there. 20 some odd years later - the roles have reversed. He needs and wants her. Unfortunately for him, she didn't forget that he wasn't there for her. She does give him a chance and he blows it. Her violent reaction, in my view, indicated he had really hurt her when she was a kid. The thing is, he probably didn't even realize it. The fact is most young men, probably at least 95% of them, are a lot more interested in themselves, their careers, and $ than they are children. So, it wasn't that he didn't love her, he was just too self involved in his youth. She didn't forget, this gives Randy one more reason to quit his own life.