How to *properly* watch a movie

While Surrogates wasn't exactly an astoundingly groundbreaking film, it was still, in all respects, topnotch entertainment; most especially if you know how to "lose yourself" when watching movies - a skill that, surprisingly, MOST moviegoers do not have.

It is because of this reason that I'm writing this topic.

Surrogates could've been great for me; if not for the fact that I was surrounded by indecent and uncultured people throughout the entire movie. Just how many times must promotional movie materials (Kung Fu Panda, Ice Age, etc.) remind the audience to put their phones on silent mode? Or to not talk during suspenseful scenes? Or TO NOT ANSWER A DAMN PHONE DURING THE MOVIE?

My friends, I hope you assist me in compiling this short list and spreading it throughout IMDB. Let the indecency stop. Help me help you have a better movie experience (so to speak).

Here are some ground rules that needs to be observed:

RULE 1: You only have ONE (1) chance to FULLY experience everything the movie has to offer. After that, you'll no longer be surprised, thrilled, astounded, dumbfounded, aghast with mystery or excitement about it since you've already seen it; henceforth, your brain already have vague collections of it. In the name of all that is holy, DO NOT RUIN THAT ONE CHANCE.

RULE 2: Movies are products of an advanced civilization. By all means, BE CIVILIZED. Really, some people are just.... GHA!!!!

RULE 3: If someone scolds or chides you, simply offer your apology and DO NOT REACT AGGRESSIVELY. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE ANGRY. In all my years of watching movies, some people unbelievably still have the nerve to be angry after being told to stop talking with their phones. My goodness.

RULE 4: Turn off your cellphone. Otherwise, put it on silent mode. We don't care about your fancy ring tone or your Mom calling you because you snuck out. Seriously, how many must the theater tell you to do that?

RULE 5: While I have nothing against babies, please do not bring them to the cinema. There's nothing more annoying than a baby crying right in the middle of a fight scene or a serial killer chase.

RULE 6: Again, I have nothing against autistic and special children. But for the love of Athena! Please, please, please! Do us all a favor and DO NOT bring them to the cinema, IF they have aggressive or wild tendencies. I once encountered a family who brought a little autistic girl with them WHO LITERALLY THREW A SHOE TO ANOTHER PERSON a few seats up front. Poor guy.

NOTE: I know it may seem mean, or otherwise, inhuman of me to deny babies and special children the privilege of watching movies. If so, I'm humbly sorry. But that's just the way it should be.

RULE 7: STOP TALKING. In fact, DON'T TALK, at all, unless someone's dying. If you have to talk, try doing so with the least amount of disturbance.

RULE 8: DO NOT EXPLAIN or even DISCUSS THE MOVIE D-U-R-I-N-G the movie. Because, people usually do that during drinking sessions, sleepovers, after-sex, picnics or over the internet. I don't care if you already knew who the killer was or that Optimus Prime is your favorite character. You can tell me everything AFTER THE MOVIE.

RULE 9: If you're gonna read a text message, or otherwise, check the time through your phone, PLEASE DO SO WITH THE LEAST AMOUNT OF DISTURBANCE. DO NOT RAISE YOUR PHONE IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. I don't care if your crush sent you hugs and kisses or if your Dad just told you he'd just recently deposited your yearly allowance. Sheesh. Imagine a scene where our heroine goes into a dark room - thence, making the entire theater dark - AND THEN A BRIGHTLY-LIT CELLPHONE FLASHES RIGHT IN YOUR FACE! DAMMIT!

RULE 10: DO NOT exaggerate your laughter. Please. Do this, only if you're watching one of the "[Blank] Movie" Franchises (i.e. Date Movie, Superhero Movie) or the "Rip-Offs" Franchises (i.e. Meet the Spartans)

RULE 11: DO NOT PREEMPT THE MOVIE. If you know what the character is going to say, don't yell it out loud or even say it! I don't care if you're trying to look cool in front of your date. If she knows better, she'd dump you right then and there.

RULE 12: If you're going to answer a call, PLEASE GO OUT. It's not like you can't come back in, correct? In the name of ODIN! It's that simple!

RULE 13: If you're watching a movie with friends, please try to minimize the noise. I know what it's like to hang out with a lot of teenagers (because I used to be one, duh?). DO NOT TRY TO GRAB PEOPLE'S ATTENTION. SERIOUSLY, IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK COOL.

RULE 14: If you're too stubborn, or too "cool", to even follow these rules, then at least try going to the cinema when there are the least number of possible audiences. Better yet, stick to DVDs and Blu-Rays. Do us all a favor, please.

RULE 15: TO PARENTS - SHUT YOUR KID UP. Don't make others do it. Please. You want your kid to be like Akon? Scold him/her, please!

If you have something more to add, please do so.

If you have any violent reactions, or are otherwise, offended by what I wrote, then I'll gladly accept and answer any and all of your responses.

Peace.

Recently changed ID to "canefaitrien"