The trial of cruisin109

All rise, court is in session. His Honour Judge Reinhold presiding over the people versus the online Cobra kai leader cruisin109.

Judge: This is case number 1320900012 and the charge is plagiarism. How does the accused plead.
Chris882cats: Take the fifth!
Cruisin109: Guilty. Cruisin109's Lawyer nudges him. Erm, I mean not guilty...by reason of diminished responsibility.
Cruisin109's lawyer: If it pleases the court I would like to offer evidence that my client is not guilty.
Judge Reinhold: Go ahead. But stick to the truth.
Cruisin109: The truth? You can't handle the truth.
Cruisin109's lawyer: What are you doing? You've just stole that from a Few Good Men.
Cruisin109: Oh right, sorry.
Prosecution: Your Honour, motion to strike?
Judge Reinhold: Motion granted.
Prosecution strikes cruisin109 hard across the face with his briefcase.
Cruisin109: Why am I so stupid?
Cruisin109's lawyer: This case was brought against the leader of the group known as the on line cobra kai. As I shall prove, in this case the guilt is misplaced.
Cruisin109 holds a position of little or no authority in the on line Kai. He is a lowly grease monkey, a nothing, a piece of sputum floating in the toilet bowl of life.
Yet he could never come to terms with a life time of under achievement. His absurdly inflated ego wouldn't allow it. He's like the security guard at the front gate who considers himself head of the corporation. So when IMDb closed its' boards and the gang left he felt responsible for keeping the on line Kai alive. I ask the court, look at this man. This man who had no less than 30 arguments with another poster and lost all of them. This sad man. This pathetic man. This joke of a man.
I ask the court one key question, would the old gang have ever allowed this man (points at cruisin109) ever to be in a position where he might endanger their credibility. A man so petty he wiles away the evenings sewing name tags inside his condoms. A man of such awesome stupidity...
Cruisin109: Objection
Judge Reinhold: Overruled.
Cruisin109's lawyer: A man of such awesome stupidity he even objects to his own defence counsel. An over zealous jumped up little squirt...
Cruisin109: Objection.
Judge Reinhold: Overruled.
Cruisin109's lawyer: An incompetent weasel of a man with a Napoleon complex, who commanded as much respect from the other gang members as Long John Silvers parrot.
Cruisin109: Objection.
Judge Reinhold: If you object your own counsel once more you will be in contempt.
Cruisin109's lawyer: Who would put this man, this joke of a man, a man who couldn't outwit a used teabag, in a position where he could wipe out the credibilty of the whole gang? Who? Only a Yoghurt. He is not guilty of anything other than being Cruisin109. That is his crime. It is also his punishment. Defence rests.
Judge Reinhold: The defendant will stand for the verdict.
Cruisin109 stands.
Judge Reinhold: In the view of your counsel's eloquent defence, together with the reams of material evidence he submitted, this court accepts that, in your case, a normal trial is not an adequate method of assessing guilt. However, plagiarism has occurred and somebody needs to be held accountable. It is my judgement that you be taken from this court to a place of public gathering and told to bend over and touch your toes. Then you will be repeatedly kicked up the backside, in a fashion even the great Charlie Chaplin would approve of, 50 times.
Court dismissed!
Cruisin109: Aw man! Why am I so stupid?