There are some great lines in Soap (even in season 4!!!!!)
Mine is in season 4 when chester says "Shocked, I'm appalled" when talking to Dr. Alan Posner. Its one of those lines you have to see to appreciate.
Anyone want to share their favourites?
oh, and another early one:
Mary Campbell: People are trying to kill my son, my other son wants to be a woman, I have a crazy step-son who talks to dolls and my husband won't make love to me. This isn't life, this is something by Tennessee Williams.
i personally like the
"do homo's drink lemonade?"
ah, comedy before the era of political correctness!
"the princess is marrying the queen!"
(the scene b/t jody & carol at the resturaunt while they are waiting for her father to arrive)
"Oh, Baby, you're my drug
I was just your cigarette!"
~Miranda Lambert
not sure of the exact wording, but when Mary is trying to tell Jessica that Jodie is going to be a father and Jessica replies/asks "Dennis is pregnant?"
shareWhen Chester wakes up from his coma in the hospital. He's wearing a white turban-like cap and looks in a mirror. He has no idea who he is and says to the mirror: Oh my God, I'm Gunga Din! I'm Gloria Swanson!
My favorite 2 have already been mentioned but they are absolutely hilarious.
1)
Police Chief: Our next suspect is Benson.
Benson: Why me?
Police Chief: Because your black.
Benson: Alright, understandable.
Police Chief: And your the butler, there's a reason for the say "the butler did it." Our next suspect it Jodie.
Jodie: Me? Why me?
Police Chief: Because your gay.
Benson: That's almost as good as my reason.
Police Chief: And everyone knows how weird those types are.
2)
*Burt holds up apple in front of Chuck so blindfolded Bob can "read his mind"*
Bob: "It's...red...it's round...it's an apple!!"
Danny (leaps out of chair): "THIS IS AMAZING!!!"
Mary: "Danny, Chuck can see what he's holding..."
Danny: "Yeah but BOB can't!!"
Can NOT believe that this line has not been mentioned yet, but.....
(exact wording most likely off, but this is close enough!)
CHESTER: Say Billy, why don't we have a talk, man to man.
BILLY: Don't worry dad, Benson already covered all of that stuff, plus we learned it in school, but there it was all about chickens, and fruit lies mating.
JESSICA (With a completely naive look on her face) : Chester, what would a chicken see in a fruit fly?
Almost fell out of my chair.
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Also, basically any time that Jessica would ramble on about things that nobody cared about, some of my favorite ones:
(said quickly with no breaks)
(right after Burt has found yet another pointless clue in the murder of peter cambell, this time it is a hair in the shower!
JESSICA: Well of course there is hair in the shower I mean there is always hair in the shower it will just fall off and then it will go right down to the drain and that will get plugged and then you will have to call a pumber my god have you seen what those people pull out of the drain ooh it is so disgusting its no wonder they charge a fortune I mean I would too if I had to stare at hairy hunks of GLOOP all day!
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Jessica has just seen the judge of her murder trail and makes the absulute WORST first impression possible by saying this:
JESSICA: your judge Patrillo I know you, well i don't really know you but I do know your wife, well i don't really know your wife either, see I was driving with Mary in the car and this absalute crazy woman just cut me right off and ran straight through a stop sign and I looked at Mary and said my god who's that maniac speeding down the road and Mary says that judge patrillo's wife!
JUDGE: Actually that's my late wife
JESSICA: Really? With speeding like that I thought she would be early!
I remember a scene where Benson and Jessica are at a cabin pretending to be married, i don't remember the lines but do remember the tears from laughing so hard. and Billy was Billy Benson....
Another Jessica line I remember falling over from laughing was when Jodie told her Plato was gay.
Jessica: "Mickey Mouse's dog was GAY?????"
it cracks me up just to write the words.
"It was just a couple of flipper babies!"
...as the cop was leaving, he said to Benson, "Let me give you a tip..". Benson comes back with "Aw, you don't have to do that".
shareLOL, those nut job characters!
shareI don't think this was mentioned, but all the girls (Mary, Jessica, Eunice, and Corrine) were sitting and eating at the Tate's kitchen table and Jessica commented on how good the food tasted.
CORRINE: Ma, I think that's because you're horny.
JESSICA: Horny? What's that?
CORRINE: That's the feeling you get when you don't have enough sex.
JESSICA: (Laughing) What a funny name for it.
From Episode 31:
Chester: (Seeing Benson, Chester is delighted.) That’s Sidney Poitier!
Dr. Kanter: (Squeaking with laughter) Sidney Poitier, I can’t believe it, ahhhhh! (Benson is enjoying a good laugh too.) Okay okay okay okay, Mr. Tate, one last thing, Mr. Tate: Do you know who you are—Mr. Tate? (Jessica hands him a mirror, and he examines himself, bandages framing his face like a nun’s wimple.)
Chester: Oh my God…I’m Gunga Din!
Dr. Kanter: You are not Gunga Din.
Chester: Then I’m Gloria Swanson! (Imperiously, he hands Jessica the mirror).
I love when Burt brings his son Peter to meet everyone at Jessica's house. Peter has been sleeping with Corrine and Jessica. Everyone says his name differently, with different meaning/emotion.
Corine: Peter!
Jessica: (hiding behind Chester) Peter?
and finally Jody: (with lust) Peter.
Chester: (amnesiac with a hand mirror) I'm Gunga Din!
Doctor: No, you are not Gunga Din!
Chester: Then I'm Gloria Swanson!
(Anybody who's seen "Sunset Boulevard" hopefully gets the last part =) )
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When Jodi introduces his lesbian girl friend to the Texan mother of his former girlfriend she asks him if he is straight now that he is with a woman. He says 'no' that she is a lesbian, she doesn't understand the term and he explains that she is 'a female homosexual'. The mother laughs at the idea and says "there is no such thing as a female homosexual. what do they call themselves, 'homettes'.
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wow...i'm kinda surprised this one isnt up yet but...
*looking up and down at Carols cowboy boyfriend*
Jodie: I wouldn't talk if I were you...we shop at the same stores.
oh and
Jodie: Just because I eat a burrito doesn't make me mexican
one more
CPS guy: Are you a practising homosexual?
Jodie: I don't have to practice, I'm very good at it
I just thought of one of Jessica's
Whne she was arguing with Corinne's birth mother and said
"If someone took my baby, I would have moved heaven and earth o find her and it would'nt have taken 23 years(with a very heavy Swedish emphasis on the 23)..
Classic