There are some great lines in Soap (even in season 4!!!!!)
Mine is in season 4 when chester says "Shocked, I'm appalled" when talking to Dr. Alan Posner. Its one of those lines you have to see to appreciate.
Anyone want to share their favourites?
There are so many. I like when Elaine comes to the Campbell house for the first time and she is wearing the white fur coat. Bob says, "Throw her a fish and maybe she'll do a trick!"
Another from Bob. The first time everybody meets Billy's teacher. Bob says, "Hey teachey wanna go up stairs and conjugate some verbs!"
Another is when Danny is dating the black lady and her family goes to the Campbell house for the first time. Bob says, "So, Danny tells us that you are a family of Negro's, is that true?"
Everybody on the show had some great lines. It was a good show.
I've noticed you've got a couple of "Bob" lines in there. Chuck and Bob were brilliant. Say it as you see i type of people. They had a LOT of good lines.
The one (of many) that I like is when he tells Polly Dawson's brother "So, you're a gag writer". VERY VERY funny.
All the campbell men are having relationship problems and are drunk and sitting around the table
bob goes, I'm gonna puke (or throw up) and make a throwing up motion like he's gonna heave onto the table
Everyone at the table leaps back
Jodie: Plato was gay.
(Jessica looks puzzled)
Jessica: Mickey Mouse's dog is gay?
(Jodie looks at Mary and has this Oh My God look)
Jodie: Goofie is his lover.
(the mob shoots at Danny at the Tate's at another family get together)
Chuck: Oh My God! Bob has been hit. Someone call for help!
(Chester races to the phone)
Billy: Dad, you're calling the ambulance for a doll.
(Chester tosses the phone down with a stupid look on his face)
(The devil/baby is causing the house to shake and Jessica get's miffed and goes to the stairs and hit's the bannister a couple of times)
Jessica: Say here! I have had just about enough of your nonsense.
(She get's carried away by Chester.
My favourite would have to be:
Ingrid Svenson: Do you think im FINNISHed?
Jessica Tate: NO! Swedish!
hats off to whoever wrote that line
It's difficult to pick from so many great lines from the entire series. So many funny and touching moments were had by all the cast.
But this is the one that sticks out the most:
That whole speech that Mr Lefkowitz(Sorrell Burke)gives at Elaine and Danny's reception: . . .Ladies and gentlemen. This is the day I have waited for for a very long time - the marriage of my daughter. When my wife was on her deathbed I promised to take care of Elaine 'til the day she married, that she would never want for anything. I kept that promise. Now I hand her over to a fine young man who now will take care of her because I'm completely cutting her off!! She'll never get another penny or hear another word from me as long as I live. Because she is a disgusting rotten person and nothing thrills me more than getting rid of her forever. Le Chiam!!!!
Hope I got it right. Memory sticks from time to time.
:-)
Far too many to mention but here are some my favourites:
Mrs David: "You're my first homo."
Jodie: "You're my first Texan"
----
Mallu: "Jessica, what are we going to do. I love you..eyes."
Benson: "I love you eyes? And i love you suit."
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Eunice: "Dirty screws!!!"
----
Corinne: "You've been wonderful to me and what do I do, I spit in your face."
Jessica (looking confused) : "I don't remember that."
----
The Major: "Let's synchronize our watches...it's now 3-ish."
----
Chester (answering phone) : "What? No!!"
Eunice: "Who was that?"
Chester: "It was Bob. He wanted to know if Chuck was here."
----
Mallu: "As character witnesses we have Al Capone, Tinkerbell, Punch & Judy and the Invisible man!"
----
BOB (to Benson) Hey Sambo, the noon whistle did not blow.
Benson One more word and he goes into the fireplace
Benson always had great lines. I loved when the doorbell would ring and he would ask Jessica: "You want me to get that?"
shareAnd, Jessica would reply, "If you don't mind."
shareLate to the party, I know.
Not really a single line, but I think my favorite scene (or at least most memorable) would have to be when Jody and Carol were at the Japanese steakhouse, having a conversation. The reactions from the grill chef were just hysterical.
I see it's available on Netflix, I may have to add it to my queue....
Wasn't there another line in the scene when Jodie goes to Texas that Mrs. David or someone else says something like "we don't have any homos in Texas...at least not any live ones?"
shareYou got to see the scene to really appreciate this but here goes. Jessica, Mary, Euince and Corrine are all in the kitchen talking about their sex lives,
Jessica: Once when Chester wasn't paying alot of attention to me, I tried something this woman did. When her husband came home she greeted him in a see thru apron and he practically attacked her so I tried it.
All the woman look shocked.
Corrine: (shocked)I don't believe it.
Jessica: Well it didn't work because Chester just asked if I were cooking dinner that night.
Corrine: You mean to tell me that you were just a see thru apron?
Jessica: (looking shocked) JUST, the apron?
Corrine: Yeah, Ma. Just the apron.
Jessica turns to Mary and says: You mean that woman wore JUST the apron? I hope she wasn't cooking bacon.
----
Chester (answering phone) : "What? No!!"
Eunice: "Who was that?"
Chester: "It was Bob. He wanted to know if Chuck was here."
----
LOL. I always crack up when I remember Mallu in his closing argument during Jessica's murder trial, throw compliment after compliment upon his client to which Jessica responds, "Awww... who?"
When the baby is possessed and everyone is stood downstairs while Tim performs the exorcism, Jodie enters the house and is made to levitate and Chuck/Bob says "hey look, fruit flies!"
Another favourite, although not a funny one is when Danny is on the run from the mob and he goes to say goodbye to all his family and Mary says;
"I guess I have to say goodbye now. But, could I say goodnight instead? Its easier."
By far the best line ever in soap was when Jodie meets Carol for the first time and when she looks surprised about the way the suicidal homosexual Jodie looks he says "What did you expect I'd be in a dress with a nuse around my neck?"
shareMy favorite, a great three-part joke with perfect timing and delivery, as was the norm for Soap:
The major, always delusional, enters the dining room where most of the family is gathered. He seizes a pineapple from the table, shouts "Grenade!" and hurls it through a closed window. Everyone is shocked into silence. A moment later there's an explosion outside and they're absolutely frozen in horror.
In a few moments a latecomer arrives and calmly says, "Gas main."
Jessica totally confuses the newcomer by responding, "Oh thank God, I thought it was the pineapple!"
I remember that one. It was on the floor laughing.
shareImpossible to remember them all, of course. Bob's "family of Negroes" line has already been mentioned. A few more:
Dutch dumps a pan of oatmeal over Eunice's head and says he's just trying to show her that he loves her.
Jessica: "Oh Dutch, flowers would have been so much nicer."
Jessica (to Elaine on her wedding day): "Aren't you lovely, dear. No one would ever guess you're trash."
Jody advises Danny to get rid of Elaine by telling her that a health condition has rendered him permanently impotent.
Jody: "So, what happened?"
Danny: "That girl knows a lot of tricks."
El Puerco (to Annie): "In my country, you would be called, 'la ramera.'"
Annie: "Oh that's so pretty. What does it mean?"
El Puerco: "Slut."
Jody's psychiatrist starts contemplating the opportunities from Jody turning into the old Jewish man.
Nurse: "But Doctor, you have to try to bring him back."
Psychiatrist: "You're right. I am a doctor. I did take that silly oath."
Burt has escaped from the spaceship and is having trouble getting Mary to come meet him.
Burt: "Mary! You've got to listen to me!"
Mary: "What, Burt?"
Burt: "Don't listen to me!"