Hitchhiking—why I’m for it:

Saves energy and the planet: it’s like an ad hoc carpool.

Exciting: you never know who you’ll meet.

Hello! Jack Kerouac? On The Road? Hello?

Makes new babies.

Gives you lots of great stories to tell your therapist in a couple years.

As Lucy Liu says in Rise: Bloodhunter, when she picks up a hitcher, “Hitching calls for one of three things: gas, ass or grass.” No problem there!

Rutger Hauer fucking ROCKED in The Hitcher!

‘Way cheaper than Uberpool, and doesn’t require a cell phone.

Hitching could let you acquire (someone else’s) cell phone . . . and wallet, watch, credit cards, internal organs and vehicle. Talk about entrepreneurship!

Because I don’t feel the need for another 300,000-word rant upon me.

Because Nancy Kerrigan’s husband hitches, and also gets unhitched, and cheats on his wife.

Because I don’t have OCD.