Worse than Crystal Skull?

After what Waller-Bridge did to Bond there was no way I was going to pay to see this, but was now able to catch it on streaming for free.

Obviously it was never going to compete with The Indiana Jones Trilogy, so the only real question is - is it worse than Crystal Skull?

It’s a real mixed bag. It’s a fairly competently directed film, Mangold can handle drama well, and knows how to put together an action scene, as we saw in Logan.

The real problem is the script - it plods along for 2.5 hours and it’s distinctly lacking in joy.

Temple Of Doom was a 2 hour rollercoaster of incredible action, with lots of cool character moments, comedy and horror. ‘Dial’ felt drab and lacking in energy by comparison. There’s no invention here, save a couple of little flourishes here and there.

As with Skull, there’s way too much CGI and green-screen, and now you have the added uncanniness of de-aged Indy which really didn’t work. It was distracting, as was young Indy’s old man voice.

They tried to hide this by shooting the opening scene at night, hoping the shadow would hide the imperfections, but it fails and you just end up with an overly dark opening action scene. Unfortunately that typifies much of this film - too dark and too long.

The main problem is, you guessed it, Phoebe Waller Bridge. The film simply doesn’t need another Kathleen Kennedy self-insert - an obnoxious, overpowered, unpleasant female who schools, and ultimately punches, Indy. The worst part was her ‘that’s capitalism’ line - Commie Hollywood shoving its propaganda into Indiana Jones 🤦🏻‍♂️ Notice also how the villains are all racist white males, the main henchman sounds like a Southern conservative and is screaming Nazi rhetoric at the end - not very subtle, Kathleen.

Now, I will say that the PWB character could have been worse - they at least make her a callous, selfish bitch and a deceiver, rather than a flawless Mary Sue. She actually develops into a more compassionate character toward the end. It was good that she had some semblance of a journey, but she needed to have more humility. She should have said ‘sorry’ to Indy at the end, not knock him out and take charge of his fate.

Ford, on the other hand, brings it. He inhabits the hat once again and plays it really well. He’s the only reason to watch this film. It does make sense to build the movie around his age because it’s undeniable, the guy’s over 80, so the time-travel plot works nicely. Much better than that random-ass crystal skull. The only problem is that he’s old, sad, divorced, has a dead son and wants to die. It ends up feeling rather bleak for a series that pretty much defined popcorn fun.

It was great to see Sallah again, John Reese Davies brought the magic back. Goes to show you can create likeable sidekicks for Indy if you want. It’s just that the filmmakers don’t want that, they want to lecture us on the toxicity of straight white males.

Short-Brown is utterly forgettable.

The black CIA woman was a pointless diversity insert.

Mads was good as a villain, but he’s pretty dry. He kills a lot of innocent people which was another thing that made this a much more serious entry. I want to see Indy’s villains delighting in their malevolence and dying horribly - faces melting, fed to crocodiles, or ageing 1000 years in 5 seconds. Mads just… dies in a plane crash?

This film had a very feminine energy. It was in a bad mood, it was safe, it was relationship-focused. The Trilogy had a masculine energy of fun, violence, invention, gore and laughs. Even Crystal Skull had that… despite going way overboard with the silliness in the second half.

I will credit Dial for its ending. Reuniting Indy with Marion and replaying ‘it hurts here’ was a graceful way to close things. It jarred slightly with the hat getting grabbed in the final shot (is Indy off on an octogenarian sex-adventure?) but it was a well-written and acted send-off. Mangold was on surer footing there.

So is Dial worse than Skull? Skull starts well and has the Spielberg magic until it shits the bed at ‘part time’. Dial doesn’t reach the Spielberg highs but it’s more consistent. It’s more average, and it’s average for 2.5 hours, and it’s hampered by PWB who manages to be worse than Mutt.

They’re probably both 6/10 films but I have to give it to Skull. Dial is worse overall.

The best way to enjoy Indiana Jones is to watch the Trilogy, and then maybe stick on the final few minutes of Dial as a little coda.