MovieChat Forums > Adam (2009) Discussion > 'I can't go if you depend on me'

'I can't go if you depend on me'

posted 15 years ago by Robert_165
53 replies | jump to latest

she would if looked like a real b_itch if she said "i'm not going if you depend upon me" if he had diabetes or had been in wheelchair. The dude couldn't help his condition and that was a total b_itch thing to say/do. If he had been unwell enough to be incapable of beng in a realtioship, it would of been acceptable to stay in NYC, but he was capable of a realtionship, albiet a limited one, but so is any person with a physical disability. People with mental disabilities are always stigmatized it seems, even in a movie where they are not supposed to be being stigmatized.

what a mean thing for her to do and what a horribel ending.

and, yes, I have a disorder similar to aspergers, inn case you're wondering........

I'm just trying to do this jig-saw puzzle
Before it rains anymore

[–] pinkxcouturee 14 years ago

Adam had to learn to depend on himself before they could truly be together. Now that he has, they'll be able to work.

"I hate crickets! Ever since Pinnochio- they're too bossy."
--Greek

[–] neztra 14 years ago

I think people are forgetting that if this were a real relationship, her feelings would be just as important as his. Why is it only Adam that people sympathize with in this film? Beth loved Adam, but was afraid. It was an incredibly challenging reltionship for both of them and she was not a "bitch" for not going with him. Maybe she was just scared, or unsure if his feelings were the same as her. It is completely understandable. Aspies want to be treated like everyone else. Their condition isn't a disorder or a mental incapacity, it is just a different way of processing the world, but it does sometimes make relationships, romantic and otherwise, with other people difficult. She shouldn't be demonized for not necessarily being strong enough to take such a huge chance.

Just because you are in love with someone doesn't mean you are meant to be with them.

Bam said the lady.

[–] oOgiandujaOo_and_Eddy_Merckx 14 years ago

No I don't think it was a mean thing. I have AS, and I just wanted to brain him when he said why he needed her. He was asking her to come along because he wanted a carer rather than a lover. No way is that a fair proposition for her, he should have said, "because when you smile, my brain lights up like a Christmas tree, you're the most wonderful person I've ever met".

"He was pink and white, and all the colours you'll never see."

[–] 14 years ago

[deleted]

[–] juxtapose70 14 years ago

Well, I wish I had me an "Adam". He was quirky and different than all the other mainstream sheeple. He was wonderful, and he was true. He was the perfect guy for me, so it's hard for me to forgive Beth for staying to in New York to take care of her mother because her father was a lying cheater.

[–] pawnstar3 14 years ago

think you're all missing the point - she was not being mean or unreasonable at all - it was in that moment that she finally realized a real relationship with him (or at least one that she wanted) would never be possible- he really needed to learn to do things for himself and because she cared about him she let him go so that he could learn to be self-sufficient- it's amazing how many of you missed that point

[–] hbms 14 years ago

I totally agre with The_hypocrisy_of_cake

The problem wasn't the fact that he needed her. It was the fact that he made it sound that she was important to him just because of that. She must have thought that he didn't love and need, her, but simply needed her. In a way that it could have been any person moving with him.

If I was in a relationship with someone handicapped who would only want me as a caretaker, then I would recommend he'd get a nurse. I don't mean as if I wouldn't take care of my disabled loved one, but I wouldn't want him to want me just because of that.

[–] Amethyst8 14 years ago

I do think him making out like he "needed" her to help him with social communication was just his way of showing he loved her. but she's not completely at fault, you can't help how you feel sometimes. I think it was the moment (like someone said earlier) that she realised she couldn't be with him. She realised a relationship like that, where she might feel like a carer just wasn't for her.

[–] spam-1341 11 years ago

I know this is an old thread but the question she asked was "why do you NEED me to come with you to California" and not "why do you LOVE me?"

It's established that he is a very literal person and he answered the question. She didn't ask the one she wanted answered and she was testing HERSELF to decide whether or not she could commit to a relationship with him. I think she knew how he would answer the question she asked and just needed confirmation before breaking it off.

[–] lewiskendell 14 years ago

You act like she was required to go with him, because of his condition. Relationships don't work that way, regardless of any extra circumstances that might be involved. He wasn't asking her to go for reasons that were acceptable to her, so she didn't. In any other situation that would have been perfectly fine, and it is here, too.

Movies I've seen in 2010: http://www.flixster.com/movie-list/2010-movies-6

[–] canadamelody 14 years ago

All those people saying that he had to do it alone are two-faced. She does come out to California after he achieved it on his own. If she had any sincere point she would have said "you go...achieve this...then I will come" She had no intention. She was Daddy's spoilt little girl.

[–] 14 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Dorian-Kellaway 13 years ago

I don't think Beth let Adam go in order to force him to be more self sufficient. Adam's seeming improvements at the end of the film could not have been necessarily expected by Beth. I think the ending is actually a lot sadder and more realistic. Beth finds that she doesn't actually love Adam, and their endearing romance isn't capable of developing into a serious relationship based on love. I hardly think it's likely Adam will meet and fall in love with someone else like Beth in the future. That's just life. It was a romance which helped Beth get over her previous relationship, and cope with family troubles, and one which helped Adam make a bold first step into some form of wider social interaction. Adam wanted to have Beth forever, because he loved her, and loved having the security she afforded him, but Beth couldn't lead Adam on any further. Going to CA would have been like telling Adam she would be there with him forever, and she knew that would never work.

[–] icymark 13 years ago

He really needed to learn how to be dependent on himself rather than other people in his life. There is also a big difference between "need" and "want". To Beth, Adam was clearly saying I NEED YOU not I WANT YOU. In the end, it all worked out. They were still in each others life's. They probably even reunited once or twice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5yMq0Nrz1g&feature=relmfu

[–] vivard 11 years ago

She did have a relationship and one can only hope there was some love involved from Beth's side; otherwise, it would be a wee bit insensitive thing to do with any person, let alone Adam, or to have it just to recover from personal turmoil.

Regarding need vs. love, what is wrong when love and need are united? It'd only make the case stronger. Again, it would be a wee bit insensitive thing to do in having a relationship just because the other person helps you "interpret the world". And he eventually manages to mingle in the world somewhat fine without a lot of help.

To me, it is a classic case of misinterpretation on the part of Beth assuming she loved him. Her conclusion that Adam has no love for her does not come across as very justified.

[–] daleb_0 11 years ago

It wasn't just because he depended on her that she didn't go with him. She didn't go because she couldn't give her what she needed at that time. She stands up to go face to face with him when he says "You're like a part of me, I need you" but then he starts listing things he needs her to help him with rather than him needing her emotionally, to need her closeness and love. She didn't want him to need her for her help.

[–] autexousious 11 years ago

I agree but at the same time we can see that she wasn't feeling happy or fulfilled in the relationship for some time, so we can't really say that she should or shouldn't have moved with him. ultimately, it's her life.