MovieChat Forums > Blue Valentine (2011) Discussion > Gosh what was Cindy's problem?

Gosh what was Cindy's problem?

posted 9 years ago by leonthesleepy
9 replies | jump to latest

Its been a while since i saw this movie, but what was her issue with him? Throughout the entire movie it seemed like he was trying like hell to be a good husband to her and their kid, and he tried so many times to reach out to her and rekindly their relationship.

She just kept rejecting and rejecting him and even at the end, it seemed like her bad mouthed him to her collegues, making her seem like a victim. He was a hardworking guy, who never hit her, even REFUSED to hit her during sex. What am i missing here? He wasnt perfect but what the hell did he do to deserve this? Did she just never love him and wasnt happy with her life and took it out on him?

I mean am i crazy here? I'm going to rewatch the movie again, and yes i'm a guy but jesus i *beep* hate Cindy. Amazing performance but *beep* hate her. Am i missing something though? I just dont understand what he did to make her "had it up to here". She sure seemed like the abusive unhappy housewife who bullied her husband to me, and took out her issues on him.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Oh yes, very undateable.

[–] juxtapose70 9 years ago

She was a bi tch. She was incredibly self destructive, and emotionally vapid. But men generally write the scripts in Hollywood, and you'll rarely (if ever) find a film where a doomed relationship is the man's fault unless he outright beats his wife/girlfriend. Then it's about political correctness. The War Of The Roses does the same thing but never gives the viewer a real idea as to why Barbara Rose becomes such a bi tch towards Oliver Rose. The readon is because it's not reality so they make the rage vague. Because the truth is, most women would love and cherish men like this, but then it's misogynistic men writing this BS...and as with most things about women, men don't know sh it. That's why they write frustrated films.

"I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?"

[–] thrasherjohnson256 7 years ago

My whole thing with Dean is that he doesn't live in reality. He doesn't even try to foster his own sense of worth outside of his family.

Yes, on initial meeting she looked down on him. It seemed that she had great plans for her life, trying to understand the ailments of the less fortunate, and make a contribution. She did the best with the intelligence she was given. That's healthy, and independent.

To have someone approach you, instantly enamoured with you as a result of what can only be physical attraction at that point, is a turn off. Calling them unfunny and unintelligent as a misogynistic compliment is a turn off. Later, encouraging your child to eat off of the table is a parental turn off. He just doesn't understand how to handle anything with tact, and as a prospective partner, yeah, I'd be out.
I'm attracted personally to a partner on what we can accomplish together. "I don't need to pick up after two kids" is an excellent line. While he's busy deriving his validation from the energy he takes in his family, she's constantly trying to empower herself on her own terms, and she's doing that trying to keep her cool, always. There's nothing wrong with any of this. Deans an unhinged, emotionally tactless child. End of story.

[–] Fandango137 7 years ago

Dean has his fair share of problems, but lack of ambition and immaturity aren't the true reasons for why Cindy feels the way she does. Nobody on this board mentions how Dean has degraded in physical appearance. He no longer has what attracted her to him in the first place, his looks. Sure, his charisma may be there, but his charm wouldn't have worked if she didn't like Dean on a base level. When his looks went, so too did her love for him. When Cindy tells Dean that he has this potential, having him pursue it wouldn't have changed anything in their marriage. She didn't love Dean anymore. He began to bald, gained weight, and was unkempt.

Again, perhaps not her fault, but just something to consider. Cindy's true problem, and one many women, and men, face, is that she's constantly trying to find what makes her happy, and she can't, because she's chasing the wrong things, superficiality and hedonism. Dean was a happy guy, because he derived pleasure out of his family.

Now, we can argue that because of Dean's relatively simple lifestyle, he was able to appreciate more the simple things in life, whereas Cindy, due to her demanding job, was left drained and unable to enjoy anything. The problem is, we have to consider that Cindy was the one who chose this life for herself. She is the one who decided to become a nurse. She weighed the pros and the cons, and for her, the pros of earning a phenomenal salary outweighed the cons of not being able to truly enjoy life.

Again, a matter of perspectives and what people want out of their life. Although Cindy's life will shift through periods of contentedness and ease, she will never be truly happy.

[–] HoorayforHolly 7 years ago

It kind of comes down to how people are wired. Some people are ambitious. It's not that they are materialistic or superficial (although, earning good money is nice when you work really hard), they just take pride in their work. Achieving things gives them joy. Cindy was like that -- maybe achieving things gave her the self-worth she didn't get from her family. Whereas Dean was content to just "go with the flow." Sadly, they just weren't right for each other -- but I still thought she was meaner than she needed to be.

[–] CloverCandy 8 years ago

Ignore the idiot above. There are plenty of movies that have a relationship end bc of the mans mistakes. Anyway, Dean did have his faults. After Cindy sees Bobby and she tells Dean, he goes straight to angry and questioning everything she. says. Shes flustered and having trouble wording things right and he is taking everything the wrong way. She says that he always does that and gets angry easily. Also, when it was her turn to sleep in and he woke her up, then makes a mess on the table. When she was late for the play and obviously upset about finding the dog, the first thing he did was blame her for leaving the gate unlocked. All of these things dont seem too horrible on their own but they are hints at ongoing problems. Obviously they couldnt show six years of marriage in the movie so what we get are clues to what has been happening all along. Cindy is frustrated and tired of living with that behavior and in return cant stop herself from treating him badly even though she knows its wrong and hates herself for it. They are devoted to each other but life got hard and she couldnt keep it up. Maybe their marriage didnt have to end. Its possible that they worked it out but we dont know. Its such an accurate portrayal of a real life marriage and it could go either way. Thats what makes it such a brilliant film. Its unfair to say that Cindy is just a bitch and lay all the blame on her because years of that type of behavior has been wearing her down. Dean definitely loved her and was devoted to his family, but he obviously was blind to how he was hurting her. She was hurting him back but couldnt stop. They were both very much at fault. Him showing up at her job drunk was WAY out of line and hints at how badly he handled conflict. The way she was so flustered when she told him about seeing Bobby spoke volumes. She should have been able to express to her husband how it upset her the way Bobby so crudely asked if she was faithful but instead she had to defend herself for something beyond her control. I hope this helps you understand things better. :)

[–] pypsqweek 8 years ago

I completely understood why Dean upset about Bobby. He was afterall potentionally the father of her child. Plus the guy beat him up at work with his goons. That wasnt a great guess who. To know you met her ex who also maybe the babys father. Plus i also understood Dean with the doctor. The man was sending her emails and she didnt start acting weird until the handsome doctor started sending them. Now Dean was wrong for causing a scene but I can understand after meeting the doctor he was so mad. I can also understand why he was mad at her. She did leave him asleep on the floor and he had to catch a bus back home when she could of just told him or called him especially since sge told him earlier that she was on call. Btw if youre going to get Dean for being drunk then you have to get her for showing up at work after drinking the whole night. Finally Dean had been asking her what was wrong. Instead of just telling him like any one reasonable, she never would nor would she tell him about the doctor offer. It seemed that Dean didnt seem like he would have said no if it was what she wanted. Cynthia literally treated him like she treated Bobby when she broke up with him. She literally avoided him without talkin llg to him which made me their breakup with bobby and question the type of person she was.

[–] lilicedude227 8 years ago

Cindy is frustrated and tired of living with that behavior and in return cant stop herself from treating him badly even though she knows its wrong and hates herself for it.

This right here. You can just see her silent frustration and anger with him throughout the film. Michelle Williams did an excellent job conveying emotions without dialogue through her facial expressions. You can tell by her face the character is just fed up with him.

Ryan Gosling said in the THR Roundtable discussion Michelle and him lived together for a month before filming began. While not the same as six years of marriage, I'm sure that definitely helped the actors for their roles. I think both actors did great jobs conveying falling in and out of love with each other. Neither character is perfect and both are at fault for different reasons.

I just like to point out that just because some people dislike her character, it shouldn't take away from the great performance by Williams.

[–] MovieFan00 (211) 5 years ago

“There are plenty of movies that have a relationship end bc of the mans mistakes”.

Like what?

[–] Icecutter (363) 2 years ago

Incredibly high standards. She wanted great personality, good success and resources and good looks.

Dean was close enough to get in but ultimately no where near good enough, and then he even lost his looks also that was it