What joke in his new For What It's Worth, standup do you think is the funniest. My favorite joke was when he talked about OJ Simpson and when he was not guilty of how all us black people were celebrating. I thought that was funny as hell.
share"Mickey Mouse is MEXICAN!"
shareHaha, eventhough Mickey Mouse joke might not sound like funny one on paper, it really came out of blue and created huge laughter :)
share"Cum on my face!" - sticking the jaw out like a boxer... "Cum on top of the TV!"
that *beep* was funny ^_^
i couldnt stop laughing when he was talking about that little kid accusing michael jackson of molesting him
"the kids 10 years old..what the *beep* he wanna meet michael jackson for..he wasnt around for thriller..i was around for thriller and i kinda wanna meet the guy."
for me....
"I dodged that *beep* like the matrix"
" The look on white people's faces when he was acquitted... priceless.. "
I had to look at the oj verdict on youtube to see for myself "
"Word??"
Easily the best joke was when Dave was talking about Kobe Bryant..."That n***a was playing like that sh*t (his case) was being tried on the basketball court". I laughed so loud my dog started barking.
shareWhat the *beep* is juice?! That was my favorite bit. Lol.
share*beep* wtf is juice!! LOL
share"...I want Grape - Drink!"
It's purple.
"You know that Sunny D advert when the kid says 'we got some purple stuff and...SUNNY D!' well theres a black kid in the back saying 'I want that purple stuff!'".
If history has taught us anything, is that you can kill anyone.
- Michael Corleone
"If you don't like fried chicken and watermelon then what the f-ck is wrong with you??"
shareHey bitch, I'm Rick James bitch!
dave: "Hey, would you mind not calling me a bitch in front of my kids? Time out mother *beep* can we take a day off?!
HEY! What makes you think I'm Chinese!? I Am Korean, do I look Chinese?
" Yes mother *beep* you do look Chinese! "
hilarious stuff... but which one do you guys like more? Killin 'em Softly or For What It's Worth? I thought this audience was pretty dead compared to killin em softly.
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"N!gga, What the f uck is juice? I want some grape drink, baby." "It's purple." that joke had me lmao. :)
who needs a signature, when you can just [insert funny punch line here]
Cum in my fishbowl!....
AH SNAP THEY EATIN IT!
The dirty strip joint joke:
I said stop! Get off me! (pause looks down at his shirt and back at her in disbelief).
Whatever happened to lipstick on the collar? I've got a shi.t-streak down the center of my shirt! How am I gonna explain this?
Then he goes on trying to explain to his wife how he got the streak down his shirt.
I stopped breathing at that point- I was clinically dead at that point.
"Todd you want some apple juice?"
N!gga what the *beep* is juice? I want some apple drink. It's green.
Grape Drink...mmm...it's purple. Sugar, water, purple.
SHe escaped at 4:45 and was watching herself on tv at 5:30.
You can't kidnap someone 8 miles away from their house! "Get the *beep* outta here thats my bus stop bitch"
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Boycott Remakes, and Uwe Boll!
Botox on the balls, get rid of the wrinkles, make em smooth as eggs
"Badges? We don't need no stinkin badges!"
I loved the one about "I'm not chinese! I am korean! do I look chinese!?" "Yeah mofo you do thats why I said it."
I also liked that line about ja Rule and 9/11. "Who gives a *beep* what ja thinks! He may not have the answers that I need!"
And lastly about him doing speaking engagements at schools and was like to the kids about making it big "...and you gotta learn how to rap or play ball real good or sell crack n****! Thats the only way I ever seen that s*hit work!"
Here are my favorites:
• Chinese/Korean
• Mickey Mouse saying "Rick James Bitch" and Dave Chappelle knocking off Mickey Mouse's head
• "Welcome to San Francisco"
• "What the *beep* is Juice?"
• "Stuck a carrot up his ass and put shaving cream on his balls"
• Ja Rule and 9/11
• Elizabeth Smart not so smart
• "This is *beep* crazy. You came from my balls, man"
• School Engagements
• Michael Jackson curing cancer (Enough said)
• Botox balls, "Would you suck THESE balls?"
The whole skit about him getting his balls botaxed was the funniest to me. I git choked up at that point.
P.S. I also thought the audience was pretty dead compared to other stand-ups I've seen him in. That's strange considering this was the funniest I've seen him.
By any means necessary.
The bus scene was hilarious."C'mon dog u hittin my elbows, stop son, stop." "THATS BETTER, that is better." "RUSH HIM, he cant cum on all of us."
----Look at that black kid, he'll be like. I want that purple stuff.
oh *beep* the bus scene terrorist was hilarious!!!..."You with the pink shirt..squeeze your tits together!!," "You! stick your finger in your butt!!"
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Someone already mentioned it, but my favorite was the part where he was talking about Ja Rule and 9/11...like "Who gives a *beep* what Ja Rule thinks!!" And then along those lines when he said he doesn't even know why people listen to him. He's like, "I've done commercials for Coke and Pepsi and to tell you the truth, they both tast the same. But Pepsi paid me most recently, so it tastes better." Also, when he said that people in movies always say their number is 555-5555 because people are so stupid they would run home and call the character in the movie if they gave a real number. I mean there are too many parts to name, it's all just so damn funny.
shareco-sign, that was SUCH a hilarious joke cause its so true.
also when he was talking about San Francisco. I luv the voices he used...its true...he truly is one of the funniest people on earth, some of his reactions to stuff is classic.
i think the funniest is when he's talking about passin gout in front of white people and shi t. it rings so godd amn true man. i could hardly breathe out of laughter.
you should listen to the Dane Cook CD...
oh i'm right there with you pardner, i LOVE dane cook, he's about to blow up too. i see him taking the same route of dave, he'll get a tv show that sucks like 5 times then he'll just blow up.
shareI like the joke about the guy that robbed his car to get his candy bar. Then he went around looking for a crackhead with chocolate on his face and the guy's like "Chocolate, this is doo doo baby"
I thought that was hilarious. He's the funniest comedian on the planet.
now I haven't seen this dvd yet, as a matter of fact, I'm going to go buy it right now. However, I saw him live in Sacramento last year, and I just wanted to chime in with my favorite joke, and hopefully those jokes will be on the dvd.
I was in tears and laughing so hard during this skit where Dave is talking about sneaking around the house, late at night, trying to masturbate. He pretended to hide behind a plant, and he also was talking about masturbating while his family was gone- dave pretended to calmly eat a bowl of cereal while masturbating, and it was *beep* hilarious! Anyway, there's my 2 cents.
I hope that bit is on the dvd, otherwise ill have to choke a bitch.
" I WANT SOME APPLE DRINK!!!!!!.............IT'S GREEN!!!"
"Talk is cheap, but lawyers, bail, and hospital bills aren't." - Me
"Yeah...Bob was asleep, so we stuck a carrot up his ass and put shaving cream on his balls"
sharethe monkey!! when he was at the zoo and he called the monkey to come to him that was just crazy funny
Bruce Lee: "A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough."
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Put your GODDAM Cock Away.
You stick your finger in your butt!
*beep* *beep* the chicken and giblets are that way, these are vegetables.
When he's talking about getting his balls botoxed
"Hey lady do you suck balls?"
"Oh my god get outta here"
"oh i hadn't finished, do you suck these balls?"
"oh my god they're smooth as eggs!!!"
HILARIOUS
When he's talking about white people getting high and doing some "borderline gay sh*t."
"I'm just gonna kill that mother****er and *beep* carrots."
"Can't buy weed and *beep* with Disney dollar, I'm on vacation."
I SHALL FIND MY PANTS!
"Hi, is Indiana Jones there?"
joe k.
THE BOTOX BALLS SEGMENT WAS HILARIOUS AS HELL LMAO!!
shareWhen he follows a white guy in the gorecy store "what are you doing here n!gger you must be lost this are vegtables mmmm"
LMAO i couldnt stop laughin at that one
"Would You like some DISNEY dollars?
i was crackin up when i heard that
"Faith is believing something you know ain't true."
-Mark Twain