Unintentionally hilarious!

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This was possibly the worst film i've ever seen. What was Connery thinking?

The bit that made me laugh most was Lancelot cupping water in a leaf for Guinevere:

"What are you doing?" she asks him to which he replies "wait and see" before letting her drink the water. Guinevere is stunned and asks "where did you learn that?"

He's just collected a bit of water in a leaf. Its not exactly rocket science is it? Dozy bint.

HA! I love, "Why, why, WHYYYYY!!!!!" My friends and I used to run outside and scream that line, and see which one of us could be the loudest.

I love when Julia Ormond meets with the villagers who have had their village burned and at first acts very sweet - not allowing them to kneel before her, saying they will pray together after they have had food and drink. Then she just says point blank, "Now go."

Also of note is the scene where Lancegere is hanging on to the back of the boat that has the capture Guinevere on it. It is speeding through the water as such a speed that it initially appears to be some sort of motorboat (going in reverse). As it turns out is actually being pulled back by some complicated winch system, which probably almost as ludicrous (There sure is some amazing medieval technolgy in this movie). Either way the sight of Gere being pulled behind the boat, almost like he's water skiing, and the speed at which it is moving is hilarious.

In addition to Gere's *beep* posturing and posing Malagant's (A funny name in of itself) excessive scenery chewing with his constant sneering and snarling.

Just one example of the hilarity to found in 'First Knight.'

I like a good fantasy play romance and the Arthurian legends are fun, but this one is a real stinker. Just no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Malagant's men when Lancegere and the fair maiden escape via underground river: there's no WAY anyone could follow them now! Especially when their leader is a dude who likes to punch his men in the face with a fistful of spikes after seeing a torn bit of dress, evidence of a minor misstep. Obviously, he's going to be okay with her escaping because they didn't want to get their clothes wet or risk drowning.

Lancegere's unimaginably bland deliverance of these words to Arthur: "I never meant to hurt you, my lord." I can't believe Arthur didn't believe him!

Courts where the worst cases of treason are decided are held outdoors so that it will be easy for the accused to escape if they decided to try (or for the enemy to attack suddenly through open city gates where no sentries were posted).

Bad guys' faces are always sweaty and dirty.

If you have pistol grip crossbows, wait to use them until you're in really close range.

If you move your sword slowly, deliberately and with a very angry or intense expression you will have a better chance of killing your opponent. If that doesn't work against the evil Malagant, suddenly go into a super-fast forward mode (hilariously reminiscent of an intentionally funny scene from 'Robin Hood: Men in Tights' where the blind guy attacks a wooden post with a sword. I half expected Gere to stop and hold his side, breathing heavily, afterward.)

One of my early boyfriends kissed me like the facehugger scene in this movie. He thought it was passionate. I thought it was less so especially the split lip part. We didn't see each other much after that ;-)

"You see those scavenger birds up there? They're waiting for animals to be crushed under the wheels of carriages."

This was in the first few minutes. I left the film at this point, having already cringed at some of the dialogue: "I'm not that easy to kill", "Watch your flank", not to mention Guinevere being 'in love' with Arthur. Scavenger birds, at least in sixth century Wales, did not wait by the roadside for small animals to be killed by the one cart in Wales at the time. Where do they get people to write this rubbish? They must have trawled all the dives and eateries in Los Angeles to find anyone who could come up with dialogue this dire and this preposterous - it's an art form all of its own. How does crap like this get greenlit? Ghastly. Unwatchable. Ugh!



Hie thee hither, that I may pour my spirits in thine ear.

Oh this movie was so awesomely bad! I had to take it as a comedy rather than an action movie or a period drama. LOL Richard Gere looked so freaking old!