Inspired by the satirical BBC program "Mock of The Week"
today's topic;
Unlikely things you'll hear in a Star Trek movie or series;
(this includes everything from TOS to the rebooted movies)
Anything about Cdr. Dexter Remmick.
"Captain Picard, I'm sorry to inform you that Coming of Age and Conspiracy are merely sci-fi fantasy, mere figments of your own imagination. They are not canon to Trek itself."
"Think of it like a bad dream, Captain. Just like all of S1."
"Captain Picard, I'm sorry to inform you that Coming of Age and Conspiracy are merely sci-fi fantasy, mere figments of your own imagination. They are not canon to Trek itself."
"Think of it like a bad dream, Captain. Just like all of S1."
At least he could pick episodes like Sub Rosa and Code of Honor to harp on.
Over 20,001 Tacos Returned...AS GARBAGE!
At least he could pick episodes like Sub Rosa and Code of Honor to harp on..
Symbiosis was great!!!
Kirk's son lives!!!
Truth is... he became a drug addict. Kirk, rather than deal with the humility, marooned him on a secluded planet. Kirk's son would devote his very being last breath to vengeance on his own father...
but the lil f-er's too busy getting high as a kite!!!
(bastard Picard denied him his fix... Prime Dickerective...)
But, I can't think of Symbiosis without thinking of that scene where Merritt R. Butrick got to place his hands on Frakes' manb00b. You just know queer boy loved that!!!
(And I meant queer boy Riker, not Butrick!!!)
Haha... Butt trick, gay... couldn't even make that S up if I tried!!!
https://youtu.be/YAvBwGffvls?t=3m16s
haha, here, watch that for about 30 secs. You can tell Frakes and Butt trick loved that scene!!! (should have given him a titty twister!!!)
Actually... WHERE IS HIS OTHER HAND??????
Whew, too hot for me, I gotta go cool off now... (got me some Snapple sweet STRAIGHT up tea!!!)
http://www.snapple.com/images/products/large/SNAPPLE_STRAIGHT_UP_SWEET_TEA_18_5.png
Nothing queer about that!!!
It was a very obvious anti drug commercial of the just say no (Nancy Reagan who herself was so drugged up on prescription drugs that she always looked like a wax work)campaign,the scene between Wesley and Yar was an obvious call back to the anti-drugs commercials of that era.
But, I can't think of Symbiosis without thinking of that scene where Merritt R. Butrick got to place his hands on Frakes' manb00b. You just know queer boy loved that!!!
(And I meant queer boy Riker, not Butrick!!!)
Haha... Butt trick, gay... couldn't even make that S up if I tried!!!
https://youtu.be/YAvBwGffvls?t=3m16s
haha, here, watch that for about 30 secs. You can tell Frakes and Butt trick loved that scene!!! (should have given him a titty twister!!!)
Actually... WHERE IS HIS OTHER HAND??????
Whew, too hot for me, I gotta go cool off now... (got me some Snapple sweet STRAIGHT up tea!!!)
http://www.snapple.com/images/products/large/SNAPPLE_STRAIGHT_UP_SWEET_TEA_18_5.png
(in a strained stoner's voice)
Good sh!t, eh, Jean Luc?
Something you should know. That man over there? He talks to popsicles.
Yeah Mr.Worf great sh!t,maybe we should ask Wesley to join us maybe if he has taken some hits he will be less annoying and not so eager to please.
Pardon me Jean-luc I was having a case of the munchies I wasn't paying attention at all.
(Picard takes a hit from the Klingon bong exhales looks at Worf and starts laughing uncontrollably)
What?
Mr.Worf I can see you had the munchies the gagh is all over your forehead.
Mr.Worf I can see you had the munchies the gagh is all over your forehead.
Pot is bad.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Picard;What is the matter Doctor?
Beverly;Eeeew did you see how that Traveler looked at Wesley?
Picard;Now that you mention it he asked he if he could take Wesley with him alone on a journey through the galaxy.
Beverly;Please Jean-Luc tell me you didn't allow him to take my boy?
Picard; Nonsense Beverly I gave Wesley three months leave to go with the Traveler on his journey,it would be good for the boy being in the great outdoors instead of that stuffy engine room,they left five minutes ago.
Beverly;JEAN-LUC!
Traveler Where da bitches and hoes be at? 💃
Luke Skywalker, your Mom was hawt! Darth Vader
Data: Hey boys!
Worf: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGQ-ISsDm8M
Classic movie.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Worf; Head them off at pass!
Picard(firing his phaser at Worf);I hate that cliché!
Worf; We don't need no stinkin' badges
shareWorf: "Come on punk. Make my day."
RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Worf; I see you wondering did he fire five shots or six? To tell you the truth in the excitement I kinda lost track myself...
shareWorf: "The question you have to ask yourself is: 'Do I feel lucky?'"
RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Worf; Well punk do ya?
shareClassic movie, Nex.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Indeed CJ still his best movie.
Lieutenant Worf: What is that?It looks like a Quarter Pounder with cheese?
Asst. Manager: Why, this is a Royale with cheese, of course I don't know anything about Quarter Pounders with cheese.
Commander William T. Riker: What he means is it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?
Asst. Manager: I beg your pardon?I am from Paris I wouldn't know wouldn't know what a Quarter Pounder is..
Commander William T. Riker: Then what do they call it??
Asst. Manager: A Royale with cheese and how do you call it?
Lieutenant Worf: We call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese.
Asst. Manager: In Paris we have got the metric system.We wouldn't know what the f@ck a Quarter Pounder is.
That's debatable, Nex. Dirty Harry is great, but I'm a huge fan of Escape from Alcatraz, and In the Line of Fire.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard: Careful you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!
Gunner's mate 1st Class:Sorry sir! I'm doing my best!
Picard: Who made that man a gunner?
Chief Security officer: I did sir. He's my cousin.
Picard: Who is he?
Riker: He's an @sshole sir.
Picard: I know that! What's his name?
Riker: That is his name sir. @sshole,Major @sshole!
Picard: And his cousin
Riker: He's an @sshole too sir. Gunner's mate First Class Philip @sshole
Picard: How many @ssholes do we have on this ship, anyway?
[Entire bridge crew stands up and raises a hand]
Entire Bridge Crew: Yo!
Picard: I knew it. I'm surrounded by @ssholes!
[Picard takes a sip from his Earl Grey tea]
Picard: Keep firing, @ssholes!
Humorous, but no one would really have the name. How about Dumas? That would work.
RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Liator: So you see the Wesley boy broke one of our sacred laws and now has to be executed as punishment according the law.Ignorance of the law is not an excuse captain Picard.
Picard: Go ahead make our day!
Liator: Are you threatening us captain Picard will you resolve to barbarisme to rescue the boy?
Picard: On the contrary Liator,make our day!
Liator: Do you think us dumb that you can distract us with your "we don't care attitude"while launching a rescue plan behind our backs,captain?
Picard: Not at all go ahead execute the boy and really make our day.
Liator: I don't understand your logic Picard because of that we are going to release the boy because we don't want to upset the boy's mother.
Picard: Damn,this close....this close....
Kirk; Damn it Bones this morning when I took a dump there was blood in my stool.
Dr.McCoy; Well Jim let me see what did you have for dinner last night?
Kirk; I had the chipotle dish.
Dr.McCoy;Ah that explains it try this,chipotlaway.
Kirk; Will it stop me from having blood in my stool?
Dr.McCoy; No,but it will take out the bloodstains from your underwear.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlIHDauX3ao&list=RDRlIHDauX3ao#t=63
I assume you have never seen Spaceballs CJ?
GlobalWarmer
I can teach you how to shoot so close to a raccoon that he craps himself.
😱
😊
keep firing asswholes!
Oh God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more.
You assume wrong. Why?
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
There is NO MONEY in the 24th Century, CJ. Remember? 💰
Luke Skywalker, your Mom was hawt! Darth Vader
GlobalWarmer1914
I assume you have never seen Spaceballs CJ?
cjh8504: You assume wrong. Why?
Yeah. I can remember every line of dialogue I've ever heard. Good movie, though.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; I like to introduce you to my second in command Cmdr. Thomas Riker.
shareW Riker: "Hey! What about me?!"
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; You have been promoted to leisure officer Will.
shareRiker: But, it is a promotion, right?
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; From your perspective it probably is Will.
shareRiker: Well, okay then.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; Report to Guinan at Ten Forward at ten pm Will.
shareRiker: Gui...is Guinan my superior now?
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; Of course Will on the basis of seniority she is your superior.
shareRiker: Seniority? She doesn't even have a rank? What, Bartender is a rank now?
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; Leisure officer is a neat description for bartender Will.
sharesaid by anyone: Pass the dutchie down the left hand side... It gonna burn !
muzak on the turbo lifts, on constant repeat: Informer You know say Daddy Snow me, I'm gonna blame A licky boom-boom down.
Oh God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more.
Pass the dutchie down the left hand side... It gonna burn !
muzak on the turbo lifts, on constant repeat: Informer You know say Daddy Snow me, I'm gonna blame A licky boom-boom down.
Color Me BLAH! 👎 Even in the future those guys blow! 🙉
shareor Worse I Like To Move It by Reel To Real.
shareI like to Move it! That was a great song. I like a lot of the late 80's early 90's dance, rap music, R&B.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Riker: Damn you, Picard!
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
I like to Move it! That was a great song. I like a lot of the late 80's early 90's dance, rap music, R&B.
That has been a while ago Deem Musical Youth and Pass the Dutchie.
It was something fun in those days the song was very popular over here,they even had a small hit with the single after that one to then suddenly disappear again as fast as it became popular.But in those early 80's music seemed to change every six months or so lol.
shareBoys II Men, Coolio, Salt n Pepa, En Vogue, and many more I'm forgetting was the best back in the day. I love that stuff almost as much as the classic rock I hold so dear.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; You applied for the job yourself Will,you claimed it had a lot of perks.I can't help it if you didn't read the job description properly.
shareRiker: I just wanted a place to meet chicks. Not be under the command of Guinan.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; Didn't they learn you at the Academy to mind the small print?
shareRiker: I forgot my glasses. I'll just have Thomas do it. She'll never know.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard:Thomas? What the Hell are you talking about Will?Haven't you heard Thomas was promoted to admiral since he was not hindered by former lovers and not being too focused on getting command of Enterprise.
shareRiker: You know, Captain, I'm getting awfully tired of your crap.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard;As if I can help it that Thomas in the end was more ambitious than you are number one,maybe you should do some soul searching?
shareRiker: (Sobbing.)I'm so, sorry, Captain! You're right. I'll go do some soul searching. Permission to take a 3 day leave, sir?
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; Three days? I don´t know Will you will have to consult with your new CO Guinan for that.
shareRiker: Ugh! Fine.(Walks down to 10 Forward) Guinan? Captain Picard thinks I should do some soul searching. May I be permitted to go on a three day leave?
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Guinan:Sure Will but I expect you back after those three days,the captain mentioned something like this would happen so I took precautions.
shareRiker: Precautions? What the hell are you talking about, Guinan?
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard ; Are you a sports man Will? I personally am quite fond of scuba-diving myself and what about you number one?
Riker; I am personally quite fond of muff-diving myself captain.
Guinan; Picard already warned me that you might want to take a couple of days off when you found out what the job description really was.
shareRiker: Did I miss something? What exactly is the job description?
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Leisure officer;
-good with crowds
-knowledge of foreign languages and cultures
-experience in organising
-a people's person
-connoisseur of gourmet foods and beverages
-experience with working in shifts
Reply to Starfleet Command,admiral Hikaru Sulu Human Resources James T. Kirk ave. 080966
zip code 94110 San Francisco.
experience with working in shifts
Picard; I thought you were trying to escape those shafts number one? Wasn't it those shafts that has you now mounting chairs like a horse Will?
shareRiker: Well, okay. I'll be back in three days, Guinan. Don't wait up for ol Number One.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
You guys are so wacky!
Pretending to be characters from a fictional tv show!
LOL
Guinan;Picard did mention something like that as well .
share* We're going to have to fight our way out of this
* Having no money sucks
* Why do we explore space when we can do it all in a holodek and eat/drink at will in bliss?
* Let us pray and give thanks for all we have been blessed with
* You're right.... seeking to better ourselves as a philosophy only works because its part of this stupid damn script!
* What I wouldn't give to have been born a Ferengi
* We cured homosexuality ages ago so why do we have to pretend its common in the future?
* After all these years searching....there is NO other life out here..we are unique!
* One has to admire the Dominion for their order
* To heck with this duty and work...I want to hang out with Q
"Obamacare: It only works if you don't!"
You make fair points Averagejoe but the intention is to put those points in the form of a dialogue.
shareDon't mind him, Nex. He's a DS9 fan.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Well the thread says " Unlikely things you'll hear in a Star Trek movie or series";so this includes DS9 as well CJ.
shareWell, I meant that he didn't put it in the form of dialogue like you suggested because he's a DS9 fan and they're stupid, was my inference. Lol.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Ah was that what you meant CJ.Well if DS9 fans want to make comic dialogue based on DS9 it's fine with me although I do notice not much postings about those here.Guess the characters weren't funny enough.
shareWell, did he suggest it in the Original Post?....or was I supposed to follow the 30 year old virgin conversations all the way down? :)
"Obamacare: It only works if you don't!"
I don't know, Average. We're just joshing. You do whatever you feel.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Maybe they should watch some major Grin TNG recuts on Youtube to draw up some inspiration, the ones between Picard and Sisko are quite funny(Pic-a-a-ard lol).
shareData; Captain the shuttle is hailing us,the head of the Betazed delegation wants to have a communication.
Picard; On viewscreen mr. Data.
Data;Yes sir.
Lwaxana; Oh Jean Luc you handsome devil it is wonderful that my delegation was granted three months lease of Enterprise for our mission.I promise you we will be seeing a lot of each other Jean-Luc ,A LOT!
Picard;Viewscreen off quick!Damn it's that woman again quick do something I don't feel like spending three months with that woman.
Worf;Fire phasers and photon torpedos sir?
Picard; Quick thinking Worf ,fire all phasers and photon torpedos!
Worf;Shuttle craft destroyed captain.
Picard; Good mr. Worf that gives us three months to explain what happened to the Betazed delegation,I'll be at my quarters celebrating
Troi: I sense something...Mother!
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; Blast! missed!
shareNo, you got her. Worf did. I was continuing the shuttle blowing up.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; Damn pheew you scared the sh!t out of me there counselor,...but wait if you can sense your mother that must mean she is still....Oh god shields up ,red alert!
shareNo, no, no. She senses she got blown up. She senses something bad happened to her. She died. Lol. I'd like to play off that.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard ; Very funny counselor next time don't scare the Hell out of me.
shareGood, good, good. I can work with that.
Troi: No, Captain. My mother died. I just saw her. Do you know how this happened?
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Picard; Or was it just another one of these half @ssed schemes you and Riker come up with ,so Will can take over the Enterprise after I had gotten a heart attack ey?
shareI was too, CJH.
Didn't mean to be off-putting. A lot gets lost in the translations on here.... hopefully my next contribution will be better...even if it is from a DS9 fan :)
"Obamacare: It only works if you don't!"
It's all good in the hood, my friend.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
All contributions are welcome Averagejoe including DS9 ones.But it must be unlikely things you would hear on DS9.(example if Sisko thanks Picard for blowing up his starship and killing his wife ,but rebukes him for not killing his son Jake)
shareFor example:
Picard: Shut up, Data! Continue, Wesley.
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Or
Picard; Aha Lwaxana my love tonight dinér a deux at eight and after that a sensual massage and what comes after that......read my thoughts.
Lwaxana; Oh Jean-Luc you naughty boy!
Hey CJ has your account been deleted?
shareOf course not. Why do you ask?
RIP Gene Wilder. One of the funniest people of all time. RIP Matt Roberts. You were great.
Read the threads CJ there is a poster claiming he is going to get your account deleted he also has a link which make me think he is the source of all your Shinzons and antagonists.
share