Inspired by the satirical BBC program "Mock of The Week"
today's topic;
Unlikely things you'll hear in a Star Trek movie or series;
(this includes everything from TOS to the rebooted movies)
Andrea (from What are Little Girls made Of?): I pray to Jacinta and Francisco of Fatima.
Context: Sherry Jackson, who played Andrea, starred as Blessed Jacinta Marto in the film, The Miracle of Our Lady of Fatima.
Geordi to Riker; Troi has nice boobs though
Riker to Geordi ; Are they, Geordi? Are they actually more lovely, pound for pound, measurement per measurement, than any other boobs you've known, or is it that they just... well, ACT beautiful? No, strike that. Strike that Geordi you haven't seen any boobs at all.
Geordi: "I have so seen boobs." lol.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Riker; Yeah but in IR or UV doesn't count Geordi and you can hardly call those holodecks boobs of Leah Brahms you touched real.
shareGeordi: They were real to me, sir!
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Seven Of Nine : Voiceover For two days and two f#ckin' nights, I've beaten the sh!t out of this guy. I mean,I even stuck ice-picks in his balls.
Seven Of Nine: Listen to me Neelix. I got your head in a f#ckin' vise. I'll squash your head like a f#ckin' grapefruit if you don't give me what's for diner tonight. Don't make me have to do this, please. Don't make me be a bad Borg, come on.
Neelix: F#ck you.
Seven Of Nine: This motherf#cker, you believe this? Two f#cking days and nights! F#ck me? *F#ck me?* You motherf#cker!
[turning the crank]
Seven Of Nine: F#ck my mother? That's what you f#cking tell me? You motherf#cker you!
Seven Of Nine:Tell Me neelix what's for diner?
Neelix: H-H-Hasperat
Seven Of Nine: Hasperat?(shouting) Hasperat,you made me pop your eye out of your f#cking head for Hasperat you piece of sh!t,you dumb motherf#cker!
Neelix:Kill Me
Seven Of Nine: You motherf#cker
Seven Of Nine: Tuvok do him a f#cking favour
Gene Rodenberry: "jj Abrahms sure knows star trek. lets get him to direct a movie"
R.I.P. Star Trek
1966 - 2009
Smile and wave boys...Just smile and wave...
Picard: Beverly, for this mission it is very important that you follow orders and not interfere no matter your personal feelings.
Crusher: Of course, Jean-Luc.
Riker: Not tonight, sweet-cheeks. I have early shift on the bridge tomorrow morning.
Sign above the Holodeck: 120 days without a malfunction.
"If you're waiting for a woman to make up her mind, you may have a long wait." Preacher
Sign at holodeck;
From the management;
Due to occupants of the holodeck constantly soiling the place with bodily fluids the direction has decided to delete the adult-orientated programs from the holodeck menu,our apologies for the inconvenience.
The Management
Sisko:Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?
Kira and Jadzia: SHAFT.......Uh, we mean SISKO!
Sisko: Ya damn right!
Quark: Shut your mouth!
Kirk: "Not tonight. I've got a headache."
McCoy: "You're right as always, Spock."
Spock: "Anyone for a nice hot cup of logic?"
I like the 120 days without a malfunction sign over the holodeck. Lol.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Sulu;We found Humpback whales captain.
Kirk;Target whales prepare to fire phasers and photon torpedos!
Sulu;But captain our mission?
Kirk;Screw that Sulu! I happen to live near the coast near a spring mating ground for whales and believe me you don't want to hear more whales humping mr. Sulu.
Kirk; Fire!
Imagine swimming through a whale load? Yuck.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Picard; Mr. Worf suggestions?
Worf;I recommend that we beam them on board hug them and invite the for crumpets and tea and ask them politely to go away Captain.
Picard(annoyed);How about targeting all phaser banks and photon torpedo tubes at the enemy vessel Mr.Worf?
Worf;But captain I baked this lovely lemon-meringue pie...
Picard(surprised);Really lemon-meringue pie?
Worf: Nah sir just f@cking with you.
Pretty funny, Nexy.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Picard (to the replicator): *beep* the Earl Grey. Gimme a triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato to go.
Riker: I am definitely NOT gonna flirt with anyone today.
Troi: This jumpsuit won't show my camel toe at all.
Worf: Troi's camel toe is disgusting. Having sex with her would be so gross.
Crusher: If someone I loved became a woman I'd be totally fine with that.
Geordi: Pfft, I don't even know what an inferiority complex is.
Data: No I will not do a double shift just because I do not sleep. Get bent, Jean-Luc!
Wesley: You all refuse to listen to me because I'm a kid! (wait... he does say that)
Data: I don't know, Captain. We've been here before, but, it's somehow unfamiliar."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Troi: I love you, Beverly.
sharePicard; Did I dropped acid or are they really singing Britney Spears with a zombi?
shareRiker (talking to Geordi gesturing at Troi's cleavage); "How 'bout them apples? "
shareData: There appears to be a temporal disturbance directly in our path.
River: Do you mean we're about to enter a time warp?
Picard: Helm, a jump to the left and a step to the right on my mark........Engage!
Are you having Picard giving dance instructions on the Macarena Seldon?
shareAre you really asking for informational purposes or just trying to make me feel old?
Both actually Seldon,it probably is a good thing I didn't say the Lambada then it would have really made you feel old besides I suffer from the same problem.
shareI'd link it myself, but I'm on my iPad right now. Go look up Rocky Horror time warp on YouTube.
Was about 4 years when that movie was released plus at the time it was (and still is) a bit of a cult phenomena but I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show a few times.We even over here have now special screenings where people come dressed up and with props to the movie theatre and start dancing and stuff ,quite a bit of fun.
sharePicard (to any English crew member): I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
sharePicard:"Suck it, Trebek."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Picard; "Mr. Traveler you are under arrest on account of several cases child molestation in various star systems."
shareThe Traveler: "These are erroneous charges! I'm innocent, I tell you."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Picard;"Bullsh!t I've seen you leering at Wesley and I can tell you the boy is mine"
shareTraveler: Oooh, Captain's sloppy seconds. No thanks, you can have him.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Picard;Gotcha!you practically confessed there,plus it doesn't change the fact that you're still wanted for various child molestations. So in the brig with him!
Worf;Gladly captain do you think he might think something of Kivas Fajo?
Picard; How could that be Worf Kivas is an adult?
Worf;A very childlike adult though.
Picard: "Make it so, Mr Worf."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Lt. Ilia: My oath of celibacy is on record, Captain.
Chekov(looking puzzled and slightly disappointed);What Hell does that mean?
Kirk(amused); On record indeed Lieutenant we've all seen that "home movie" you made with Commander Decker and how much that oath means it's been the biggest adult movie since Deep Throat.
Is she hot?
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
*****Picard;"Bullsh!t I've seen you leering at Wesley and I can tell you the boy is mine"*****
What the Hell????
Jeez, I step oh if he room for five minutes and just look what goes on!!!!
You know that what you said is soooooooooooo wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!
🎵"Hillary's America in theatres now!🎶
Picard certainly is no fruit.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Continue to read further Nak ,Picard was tricking the Traveler to confess.
shareYou know how she feels about Picard, Nex.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
You gotta watch the kidding about Picard!!!!!! 😍
🎵"Hillary's America in theatres now!🎶
Oh come on Nak now you let your feelings cloud your judgement as Spock would say.
sharePicard: Damn you made me spill my Earl Grey tea, you know that means war don´t you?
shareWorf: "I do, sir."
Picard: "Ok, Mr. Worf. One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Worf; Why not paper scissors stone,captain?
Picard; Why not a 18th century pistol duel Worf?,why? because I said so!
Worf;But I have very sensitive thumbs ,sir!
Picard; Then it will be a good reminder not to make me spill my Earl Grey Tea again Worf.
Worf: "Okay, Captain. But, if I can't use my thumbs any longer for video gam...I mean, my security station, it's on your head."
Picard:"That's a risk I'm willing to take, Mr. Worf. Number One will officiate."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Riker;Pardon me captain I didn't quite get that?I was distracted by Troi's cleavage.
sharePicard: "I said you are officiating the thumb war between Worf and I. Counselor, put on your proper uniform."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Troi;But captain I like to tease Will with what he can't have.
sharePicard: "Then go distract Worf, so I can beat him!"
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Troi;Ready to deploy distraction captain
Picard; And for Godsake pay attention this time number one.
Worf: "Do not distract me, Counselor. I am busy."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Spock; I'll think I'll have a large medium rare steak tonight and some glassed of Romulan Ale I want to get pissed tonight.
McCoy;Hallelujah I 'd never hoped to witness this day,I'll drink to that.
I just wanted to say, Nex, I enjoyed our little Worf/Picard thing we were doing. Funny stuff.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Male computer voice: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone.
Female computer voice: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone.
Male computer voice: [later] The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the white zone.
Female computer voice: No, the white zone is for loading of passengers and there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male computer voice: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There's never stopping in a white zone.
Female computer voice: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for stopping!
Male computer voice: Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone sh!t again.
[Later]
Male computer voice: There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female computer voice: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male computer voice: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved.
Lt. cmdr Data: Bad news sir ,the nebula is getting thicker.
Picard [jumps to an overweight Riker]:And Will is getting laaaaarrrrrger.
Picard: Mr Data, have you ever seen a grown man naked?
sharePicard; Wesley have you ever been in a Turkish Prison?
share(No words are spoken)
The Enterprise has lost control. The bridge crew are doing their darndest to right the ship while they're all feeling ill.
Suddenly, and inexplicably, Councilor Troi appears on screen with her top off and a close-up of her boobs fill the entire screen.
Cut to Geordie in engineering frantically waving his datapad around. "There's a sale at Penny's!"
"Captain Picard, LaForge here. If you want me I'll be in my quarters having sex." 👐
Luke Skywalker, your Mom was hawt! Darth Vader
Wesley: Excuse me, I happened to be passing, and I thought you might like some coffee.
Salia: Oh, that's very nice of you, thank you.
[takes coffee]
Salia: Oh, won't you sit down?
Wesley: Cream?
Salia: No, thank you, I take it black, like my men.
Wesley: Gross.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Mirror Universe Sulu: Looks like we got us a sow here instead of a boar.
Kirk: Look, what is it that you require of us?
Mirror Universe Sulu: What we, uh, "re-quire" is that you get your god-damn asses up in them woods.
Mirror Universe Sulu: Now let's you just drop them pants.
Mirror Universe Sulu: [to Kirk] Them panties. Take 'em off.
Mirror Universe Sulu: I bet you can squeal like a pig. Weeeeeeee!
Kirk: Weee!
Mirror Universe Sulu: Weeeeeeee!
Kirk: Weee!
Mirror Universe Sulu: I bet you can squeal like a pig. Weeeeeeee!
http://img.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/squeal-240.jpg
A good one Seldon is it with or without banjo?
shareMirror Spock probably knows how to play the banjo.
I liked him better on that harp jamming with those space hippies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OptLgGtZ9_E
as Ash(E.D.) would say : "Groovy"
the post says unlikely things you'll hear Nak.
shareWorf (during Bat'leth tournament): "Talk to me, Tasha."
Over 20,001 Tacos Returned...AS GARBAGE!
Lol. Worf early on: I won! Lol.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Sojef: Our technological abilities are not apparent because we have chosen not to employ them in our daily lives. We believe that when you create a machine to do the work of a man, you take something away from the man.
Picard: Ah damn space hippies,Lt. Cmdr Worf take these men to the transport ship all 600 of them as soon as possible.
Worf: Gladly captain,come on space hippies move along.
Picard:Admiral Dougherty here Picard we've started moving these space hippies from the planet contact the Son'a that they can deploy the array in two hours,Picard out.
Troi: I liked your beard, Will.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
(In 'Measure of a Man')
Lt. Commander Data: She was special to me, sir. We were... intimate.
Phillipa the JAG judge: I'm calling a one hour recess to examine this new... evidence.
Lt. Commander Data: Your honor, I am programmed in multiple techniques. I estimate a proper examination would require 2 hours, 17 minutes, and 53.017 seconds.
Ha, Seldon.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Lt. Yar: Oh Data you have such delicate hands.
Lt.Cmdr. Data:That was done so I can stroke you with refined sensual pleasure,lieutenant.
Lt. Yar(ecstatic): Oh Data you have such a delicate mouth.
Lt.Cmdr. Data(muffled):So I can pleasure you orally with the most optimal sexual satisfaction and in various techniques, Lieutenant.
Lt. Yar(wide eyed and clearly surprise):Oh my God Data what a giant appendage!
Lt. Cmdr. Data: Yes it was modelled after John Holmes to provide depth and stamina,Lieutenant.
Lt. Yar:Data shut up! and come over here mama got some oilfield that needs drilling.
I don't know how you guys come up with all of this stuff!
😀
🎵"It's One Nation Under GOD" 🎶 not allah,wake up people.
Having no life helps.
Over 20,001 Tacos Returned...AS GARBAGE!
That also
shareI have no life right now and I hate it!!!!!
I had to get a gum graft and I don't think I'll be able to fence for a few weeks now.
I don't know how you nerds can take it.
🎵"It's One Nation Under GOD" 🎶 not allah,wake up people.
I have no life right now and I hate it!!!!!
I had to get a gum graft and I don't think I'll be able to fence for a few weeks now.
I don't know how you nerds can take it.
Vivid imagination plus I'm left handed so I'm not entirely bereft of creative thought.
shareI'm a lefty too, Nex.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
a fellow traveller.
Lt. Cmdr. Data: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Lt.Worf: God darnit, Mr. Data, you use your tongue prettier than a Risan whore.
Worf: "Suck my ridges!"
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Beverly Crusher; So Data I heard from Lt. Yar that you are "fully functional" ?
Lt. Çmdr.Data; That is correct doctor.
Beverly Crusher; Then your presence is requested at my private quarters at 10 pm tonight,commander.
Lt. Cmdr. Data;I will be there doctor.
Picard; But Beverly ...but,but I thought...
Beverly Crusher; Oh zipp it Jean Luc I have given you ample opportunities and plenty of time to make a pass at me,and you never did.So I've decided to check out my opportunities in stead of waiting for you like a spinster.
Picard; But I was just about to invite you for the Starfleet Gala Ball.
Beverly Crusher; Too little and too late Jean-Luc.Oh and data don't forget to bring the lube.
Lt.Cmdr. Data;Affirmative doctor.
Picard;DAMN YOU Data!for that you have to do double shifts.
"I'll be double shifting all over Dr Crusher all night long, Captain."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.