Inspired by the satirical BBC program "Mock of The Week"
today's topic;
Unlikely things you'll hear in a Star Trek movie or series;
(this includes everything from TOS to the rebooted movies)
Picard: Worf, that's a brilliant idea.
Picard: Troi, thanks, I hadn't notice that.
Geordi: I just got laid!
Data: I just got laid!
Riker: I just hurt my package trying to swing my leg over the chair.
Wesley: Shut up Picard!
Q; Oh yeah, that's hot!
Spenser with an "S", like the poet.
More like,
Wesley: I just got laid!
Beverly: The two species are just too incompatible. No amount of genetic engineering will produce a child between them.
Picard: I look forward to speaking to the kids at the elementary school.
- Fire proton torpedoes!
- Wow, those new circuit breakers were a good investment!
- Sisko: Now, Chancellor Gowron, witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station!
Jake Meridius Conhale, at your service!
"Old Man" of the BSG (RDM) boards.
Picard: "I got rhythm, I got music, I got my man. Who could ask for anything more?"
Over 20,001 Tacos Returned...AS GARBAGE!
Picard: Will it takes me 30 minutes to get into this damned uniform. Do you fare better?
🎵"Bernie woncha buy me a Mercedes Benz?🎶
Picard; Tonight I'm boffing Beverly
Crusher; The Hell you won't
Picard; But doctor I thought..
Crusher; Forget it Jean Luc tonight is my BKD party with Troi.
Picard;BKD?
Troi; Yes didn't you get the memo on that friday is the Big Klingon Dic..
Picard(interrupts Troi);I get it I get it
(Picard looks at Worf who is displaying an ear to ear grin on his face)
Picard; You think you can handle these two Worf?
Worf;Certainly captain I will go through like a hot bat'leth goes through butter
Picard; That was a little bit too much of information there Worf
Wesley: The Traveler's hot!
Data: Get off my back you freak!
Troi: Get on my front you freak!
Crusher: You can get on back you freak!
Worf: Who you calling a freak?
Spenser with an "S", like the poet.
Worf (to Picard); May LaForge be with you captain.
Picard(whispering to Geordi); Do the producers really think they can get away with that?
Riker: I love you( to any girl,of the week.) Lol
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Now if you had said Riker was wearing a T-shirt with "Back off Ma'am I'm monogamous" 👕 written on it now that would be very unlikely.
sharePicard Mr. Worf I want you to target every major city on the planet's surface with Phasers and Photon Torpedoes full spread.
Worf Sir? actually Worf would say this
Picard Just kidding, wanted to see if you were as hard as Tasha!
Luke Skywalker, your Mom was hawt! Darth Vader
Picard: "Great idea, Mr. Worf. Let's do what Lt. Worf suggested."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Worf;"Tasha pff ,I can't stand women who prefer an oversized deluxe walking and talking vibrator in stead of some good Klingon lovin' "
shareNow if you had said Riker was wearing a T-shirt with "Back off Ma'am I'm monogamous"
Nope, that's not quite what his t-shirt says:
http://subspacecomms.com/sites/default/files/1012-general/Jonathan-frakes-caste.jpg
Who the frack is Richard Castle ? Would be on my T-shirt sitting next to him
shareTasha Yar: Oh, lighten up, Wesley. Getting high is hell of a lot of fun. Hefner once did a line of blow off of my butt, back in the 70s.
Worf: Request permission to head to my safe space, Captain. The Pakleds are triggering me.
Riker: I sure wish The Dukes of Hazzard was still on. Playing Boss Hogg's nephew was fun!
Data ; Captain,the Ferengi want to negotiate a truce
Picard; What the hell does that mean?
Data; It means they want to negotiate on terms for their surrender captain.
Picard; Liberals! Intellectuals! Peacemongers! IDIOTS!
Data; What are your orders Sir?
Picard;We have to strike now,! Annihilate! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Guinan: Data, I'm sorry to tell you that you're not "fully functional".
Worf: I just wet myself.
Picard: Computer, Herb tea with lemon.
Jordi: I see dead people.
Riker: Mr. Crusher, I am your father.
Picard (while playing air guitar); Staa-uurfleeeht F@CK YEAH!
shareThe Reboot Enterprise
James T. Kirk: I looked up John Harrison. Until a year ago he didn't exist.
Khan: John Harrison was a fiction created the moment I was awoken by your Admiral Marcus to help him advance his cause, a smokescreen to conceal my true identity. My name is... KHAN.
(Kirk,Mccoy and even Spock,in a rare moment of emotionality,all are screaming with laughter after Khan's over dramatic revelation)
Khan; What, what?
Kirk; We know of you Khan we've all seen that movie man,you were thinking that we won't deliver you to the admiral and admiral Marcus will attack Enterprise until the point of destruction and that we need you and your superior intellect(suppressing not to burst into laughter again)to board the admiral's ship from space so that you eventually can overrun us break the admiral's lovely daughter's hand and crush his skull take over his ship with your crew and destroy the enterprise ,right?
Kirk; Well..... that's not going to happen I'm going to let you stay in that cell and send admiral Marcus your coördinates so he can transport you to his ship and do whatever he wants with you.
(Kirk ,Mccoy and Spock walk out laughing leaving Khan behind dumbfound)
Wesley: I don't know.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Nurse Chapel ; Doctor McCoy, doctor McCoy!
McCoy; Yes nurse Chapel
Nurse Capel; We have a problem doctor ,you know that closet for the medicine?
McCoy ;Yeah nurse I know so what's the problem nurse Chapel?
Nurse Chapel; Well ehm lieutenant Sulu won't come out of the closet.
Ha. "Sulu, come out of the closet."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Picard; Mr Data would you do the entire crew a favour and bless us with a rendition of that lovely poem of yours "Ode to Spot".
Entire crew( collectively over the intercom) ; *groan*
Picard; I am glad you all are just as exited as I am,that I've decided to surprise you all with my four hour flute recital.
Several crewmembers; Computer initiate auto destruct sequence authorisation code 1-0-A-3-2-B.
DAMM YOU CJ! You OWE me a new computer screen and keyboard! 😵
Luke Skywalker, your Mom was hawt! Darth Vader
Did you spill your drink Kobi?
share"I don't know"
Luke Skywalker, your Mom was hawt! Darth Vader
Picard; THERE ARE FIVE LIGHTS! 💡💡💡💡💡
sharePicard: Actually, it's three lights now. I believe one of your bulbs may have burned out.
Picard: Made you look!!!
Gul Madred;Ah we are dealing with a comedian here,(firmly) No taspar for you put him back in the torture harnas maybe four hours of that will deal with those comedic tendencies.
Picard(ecstatic); Oh how wonderful,thank you,thank you
Picard:"I love being tortured." Sorry, Kobi, by the way.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Picard; God...oh god did a skunk escaped from the atrium?
Troi (looking accusingly at Worf) ; Oh God.... no sir!
Picard; My god Mr Worf did you have prune juice last night?
Worf; Of course sir it's a warriors drink!
Picard(talking softly to Troi); More like the Klingon version of mustard-gas you mean.
Picard(to intercom); Hazmat team on the bridge on the double,and from now on prune juice is no longer to be served in Ten Forward.
Guinan(smiling mischievously); Worf
Worf: "I fart in your general direction, Captain."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Picard;Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries Worf.
shareLol. Funny, Nex.
Data: "My pee-pee won't work,"
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Riker; Did Yar wore out half the male crew and that servo motor as well? Jezus Data that woman was insatiable,and I thought those two Klingon women were almost killing me.
shareHonestly, are all of 11 years old?🙄
🎵"Don Matteo" cool show!!!🎶
Don't you know Nak men mentally never age beyond the age of 11.But no we are far older than 11 but there is also a saying "the mind gets dirty as you get closer to thirty"
shareHow about this saying:
By 41 you are completely dumb.
🎵"Don Matteo" cool show!!!🎶
That explains a lot since I'm 45
shareWait!
So you're dirty AND dumb??????
🎵"Don Matteo" cool show!!!🎶
Wel I bathe regularly so dirty,no and being dumb I leave that upon others to judge.
shareReporter; Today is Starfleet's annual bake-off,with me is last years winner Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise.Captain do you have any tips for our viewers at home?
Picard; Make it dough!
Nice. I'm 31, myself.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Kirk; What...do ....shall ...we now....need ...help ,God Bones can you help me I sound like a retard?
Dr. McCoy; Dammit Jim I'm a doctor not a scriptwriter.
Finally! You admit it. So why do you like it so much? TOS, I mean.
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.
Picard:"I love being tortured."
Picard: Oh, hell with it! Mr. Wolf target Phasers and torpedoes on that alien ship and just totally destroy those jerks.
Worf: Now you're talking, Sir! (Sound of Phaser fire and torpedoes launching.)
Picard: And while you're at it, slam a few planet wreckers into that green POS that we're orbiting. My patience is at an end.
Worf: Aye, Sir! I've been dreaming about receiving those orders for years!
Picard: That will fix the bastards.
Riker: Sir! What will Star Fleet say about this?
Picard: Ah, who cares!
Humorous, Silver.
Riker: "No food for me, thanks."
X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10. TMNT: Out of the Shadows 9/10. RIP Doris Roberts. You were wonderful in ELR.