Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: [Dr. Hfuhruhurr has driven them to his house, where Ramon and the housekeeper are on the porch, smiling happily to welcome the bride] There it is, darling. Your new home. The House of Hfuhruhurr.
Dolores: What are those a$$holes doing on the porch?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Those aren't a$$holes. It's pronounced 'azaleas'.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: You. You're the elevator killer. Merv Griffin.
Merv Griffin: Yeah.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Why?
Merv Griffin: I don't know. I've always just loved to kill. I really enjoyed it. But then I got famous, and - it's just too hard for me. And so many witnesses. I mean, *everybody* recognized me. I couldn't even lurk anymore. I'd hear, "Who's that lurking over there? Isn't that Merv Griffin?" So I came to Europe to kill. And it's really worked out very well for me.
Drunk Test Policeman: Now, juggle these, do a tap dance, and sing the Catalina Magdalena Lupensteiner Wallabeiner song. Goddam, your drunk tests are hard!
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Goddam, your drunk tests are hard!
Dolores: The Complete Poems of John Lillison, England's greatest one-armed poet.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: He wrote 'In Dillman's Grove' and 'Pointy Birds.' O pointy birds, o pointy pointy, anoint my head, anointy-nointy.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Get that cat out of here.
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