The "free pizza" speech destroyed any sympathy I had for Evan
This movie was bad. One of the worst films I've ever seen. (And I've seen almost every episode of "MST3K" and it's spinoffs.) I don't ask a lot out of cinema. Only two things. 1) Don't bore me. 2) Give me somebody to root for. The second is the most important. Now I don't necessarily mean every movie I see needs a Rocky Balboa type of hero in it. I just mean, give me 1 person that I can relate to on some level, that I can get emotionally involved with. Someone who's not an *beep* Someone I'd want to associate with.
For this movie, that guy is supposed to be Evan. We're supposed to be rooting that he survives this nightmare. But then, during his long speech where he defends what a good father and husband he is, in an almost schizophrenic mood swing, he says that the sex the girls gave him was "free pizza. What else was I supposed to do?"
After that, I had no one to root for in this movie. Except maybe the Mom. (Who acted more like a robot than a human being, so that's out.)
(There might be spoilers ahead. Fair warning.) I know Chris Rock said it's hard for men to run from sex, but it is possible. Evan didn't know these girls. He didn't know if one word they said (especially about being "flight attendants") was true. And he certainly did not know if they were underage. (I never once believed they were underage because the actresses simply LOOK like they're in their early 20s. But I tried to suspend my disbelief.) It doesn't matter how naked, wet, and horny they were, they had worn out their welcome and crossed the line from being "guests" to "intruders." So, Evan, you should have called the police on that "free pizza" the second you saw them naked in your bathroom. You might not have deserved to get stabbed and tortured like you did, but you brought it on yourself.
And the way he described it-"free pizza." That's such a heartless and insensitive way to describe the intimate relations he had with them. This suggests he's probably had "free pizza" before. He expected the girls to just disappear without a trace the morning after, judging by his reaction to finding them still in his house. So after that, I had no one to root for in this movie, and I HATE that. Especially in horror movies. Everybody else liked "Excision" and "Stoker" except me. Everyone in "Excision" was an *beep* and everyone in "Stoker" was a freak. But as I said, even in movies where I go in knowing that it's going to be riffable (and this one certainly is, I hope the guys at Rifftrax go after it soon), I ask to not be bored and have soemone-anyone!-to relate to, to ride with. If you can't give me that 1 person, then I'm probably not going to enjoy your movie.