MovieChat Forums > Moms' Night Out (2014) Discussion > Stay at home moms = easy

Stay at home moms = easy

posted 10 years ago by NerdLife
23 replies | jump to latest

A Day In The Life

Wifey and the husband wake up at 6:00am and she starts to get herself prepared for the day. Then, she?ll get the kids up at 7:00 or so and see them and the hubby out the door by 8:30. What?s next? There?s an entire day of freedom from the little munchkins! She?ll go home, clean and tidy the house. It?s not even 10:00. She?ll go to the gym for an hour then head to lunch with girlfriends?maybe go shopping with them, or pick up a few groceries. She?ll pick the kiddos up at 3:00pm, then go home and ?supervise? while watching whatever current garbage is on the HGTV network. At 5:00, she?ll start preparing dinner (if she bothers to cook). The husband comes home, and by 7:00 she checks out for the night as he does the dishes and helps the kids with homework. Maybe she reads them a story for an hour. Have sex at 10pm (oops, I forgot this was a marriage, so cross that off). Asleep by 11:00.

Please note, this is applicable to parents with school-age and above children. A toddler is a different ballgame, I would imagine.

These are very real stories that I?ve heard rehashed numerous times by some of my own family members and the wives of my co-workers. While they?ll never shut up about how mentally exhausting it is be a stay at home mom, and how they never get to sit down, it?s ridiculous that they think their life is somehow more stressful, or that they work harder than their husbands that deal with rush hour commutes, nagging bosses, deadlines, and the other pitfalls of a 9-5 career.

My mom stayed home and cared for my sister and I until we were both in middle school. She did things right: we had hot meals six nights a week, my dad read the paper after dinner (rarely doing dishes), and she did all the housework except for the manly stuff like mowing the lawn and changing the oil. She did not spend hours on Facebook or at lunch gossiping with girlfriends. On top of that, if asked, she always said without hesitation, ?Dad works much harder and endures much more stress than I do. I?m very lucky to be able to stay home.?

That is the attitude a stay at home mom should have.

Do The Math

Total hours ?worked? in her eyes = 6am ? 11pm = 17 hours

In reality:

4 hours for getting the kids ready and then cleaning up/tidying
1 hour shopping for groceries
1 hour entertaining the kids in the afternoon
2 hours preparing a meal and then cleaning up
Once that?s all added up it?s only eight hours, and I?m being generous with that. Meanwhile, the husbands leave the house by 8:00, sit in traffic for an hour, get a measly one hour lunch, and sit in traffic for another hour to get home. Once home, they then have to clean up (because after all, she did the cooking) and then help the kids with their math homework because mom never studied anything that actually made her think, and therefore cannot help with math.

The most disgusting part about this to me is that I hear my these stay at home moms bragging about this to no end. Yet, they still hamsterize that they are somehow working harder and longer than their husbands. They also never acknowledge that the stress of the full-time workforce is far more intense than being a stay at home mom. While their husband is being chewed out by his boss, their biggest worry of the day is not burning the lasagna (assuming they can cook)

Stay at home moms have the easiest job of all. Stop complaining moms!

[–] Kelfrem 9 years ago

I too grew up with a SAHM. She had always wanted to be one and it happened to be even more necessary with my older brother having special needs being born premature. Then the other four of us came along and being a farming family she also was second in command to dad, office manager, and mom. She never returned to work.

But I never remember my mother complaining, like ever. She loved what she did. I know not everyday was fun by any means but we had food on the table for every meal (she cooked for the hired hands too so it was quite the undertaking) and never had to worry about laundry or lack of a clean and organized home. That being said, I know my mom did and still does work her tail off without being paid. I am forever grateful and know that our childhood would have been much different had she chosen to return to work (daycare would have been too expensive given there were four of us and one with special needs learning).

But one thing my mother always said was that she was so blessed to be able to stay at home. She knew that if she had to have a job and then still come home and be mom and wife, the place would have crumbled--farming/ranching dad has an extremely high demand, long hours job that meant we pretty much saw him at meal times and maybe at night until weekends and even then hours were all over. My mother knew that her friends who worked had way more to worry about in that while yes they had a break from the home chaos in their work, they still had to come home and do everything she had done that day, in less time. That is demanding.
My husband and I do not have the financial luxury of me to be a SAHM, right now I'm procrastinating on my day off while my baby naps. I honestly can say that the five months I took off to be at home with her were amazing. I got to have a clean home like all the time, my husband and I ate actual meals that I made here, laundry was done, and I had sanity. As a working mom, I can tell you, you end up having to choose between clean home, food on table, or sanity and just enjoy being together as a family when you can. Usually the third option wins out and we're eating a frozen pizza in front of the TV while folding laundry that is probably gonna sit in the basket for a week because well, there is only so much that can be done before sleep and quality time have to take the front seat in the limited time that we're all home together.

I will always respect and admire the work that SAHM do, but I really wish they would stop whining and remember that they get to do what they do and never deal with nasty co-workers, horrible bosses, a demanding work schedule (you can put that baby down for a nap or distract the kids with a movie if nothing else, you can't do the same for a work or school deadline on a project). Working mothers don't get a break, yes they get "adult time" but it is not a break. And often the working moms have to come home to change into mommy-mode and complete the same tasks as SAHMs with only the hours btwn 5pm-11pm to do so...not quite the same as having from 5am-11pm.

[–] A_l_a_c_h_u_a_1 9 years ago

I really wish they would stop whining and remember that they get to do what they do and never deal with nasty co-workers, horrible bosses, a demanding work schedule (you can put that baby down for a nap or distract the kids with a movie if nothing else, you can't do the same for a work or school deadline on a project). Working mothers don't get a break, yes they get "adult time" but it is not a break. And often the working moms have to come home to change into mommy-mode and complete the same tasks as SAHMs with only the hours btwn 5pm-11pm to do so...not quite the same as having from 5am-11pm.

Exactly. What I was stating as well...

[–] IamNoOneYouKnow 9 years ago

The OP's suggestion that anyone has ever complained or written a blog about how hard it is to be a stay at home mom to older kids away at school is pretty ridiculous. 8 hours a day by yourself is a dream to anyone.

I think you have a lot of good points here but I really believe that the only reason being a working mom is harder is due to sexism and societally enforced gender roles. My husband is a working parent and does not feel it is hard at all. Ideally a working parent with a partner goes to a job they would go to whether or not they had kids, and when they get home at night and on the weekends they get the help of a spouse to coparent their children and manage their home.

General thoughts on the whole thread: Working married dads don't write blog posts about what a hard time they are having. It should be the same for working mothers. I think crappy spouses expecting moms to take full responsibility of the kids and house is really why working moms have it rough. I admit I bristle when people say they go to work full time and then do all I do all day between daycare pickup and bed-- caring for children is a full time job that people are paid for. Children are not on pause while you are at work. Someone is caring for them, wiping noses and butts, teaching them, reading to them, hugging them, disciplining them, and keeping them safe, well fed, and engaged for 8-10 hours a day. That person may be hired help or a stay at home spouse. Even though I enjoy my kids, the drudgery of childcare is no delight, and there is a reason why the rich have always paid for others to do it whether or not they work outside the home. Working moms shouldn't be doing it all, they can't, those long hours of the day are gone. The 2-3 hours a day working parents get with their young kids shouldn't be crammed with a whole day of what a sahm's or a nanny would do. My husband doesn't feel that way, he enjoys them and cares for them in the evening knowing they had a full day without him and that's perfectly ok. A lot of life happens in those 8 hours plus commute. Sahm's also do childcare, cooking and housework in the evenings too and have stuff that can only get done once the kids are asleep. So yeah I could say I do exactly the same parenting stuff a working mom does in the evening as well as taking care of kids all day. I'm lucky that I have a spouse who joins in as an equal with parenting and housekeeping when he's home so perhaps I do have it "easier."

I don't know why working parents aren't parenting, caring for the home, planning appointments, paying bills, and grocery shopping as equal partners. Husband should have it just as hard and be just as stressed and burning the candle at both ends to make the house nice and the children well cared for. Or maybe no one would be stressed if it was truly shared.

There are many legit factors as to why people find parenting hard…special needs children, health issues with the parent, emotional and financial stress etc. I know lots of sahm parents and working moms that have it tough. So many days I think I have it tough. Was parenting always this hard? Why are there movie scenes and viral blog posts about stay at home moms and dads hiding in the closet from their children and eating chocolate? Or working moms burning themselves out "doing it all?" Maybe we are a generation of whiners who regret losing our me time and long for freedom and sleeping in like in our younger years. Maybe it's because kids don't go play outside and come in when the street lights come on anymore (think of all the free time sahm would have during the day and working moms would have after work, maybe they wouldn't even write woe is me blogs) or the weight we give to our children's happiness and emotional life that generations in the past didn't bear or simply the pressure to be a "good mother" that isn't equally placed on men to be a "good father."

SIngle parents though. I can't fathom how tough that must be. That wins the having it hardest martyr award for sure.

[–] lizcarlo87 9 years ago

Having a job is not hard with the exception of a few. People exaggerate it to give themselves some kind of superiority complex. Yes I work and am not a stay at home mom.

[–] KingOfUtah 9 years ago

Seriously? Is this a joke?
My wife is the hardest working person I know.
You must be looking for attention, or you're just an uneducated tool.

Signed, Me.

[–] angie_taranto 9 years ago

When exactly did Life become a "Who has is harder?" competition? Every single person has their own challenges and issues. I was a stay at home mom until my kids went to school. Greatest blessing for me personally and time that meant the world to me. I work now and that has also been it's own blessing. Easy life?! Who has an easy life?!?! Maybe the independently wealthy who don't have to work and can afford a full staff to take care of everything. This kind of contest has turned people against one another for no real reason. Instead of helping each other we try to one up one another. Interestingly enough the people we rarely see participating are the people who actually have truly difficult lives. They're too busy living to waste time on this nonsense.

[–] MsKittyStrikesBack 8 years ago

While I don't entirely agree with everything that the op has said, I do agree that there are a lot of stay-at-home moms who keep this type of routine. And to me, it doesn't get much easier than that. I am a single mom with three children whom I have raised single-handedly for the last decade. I work full-time and always have, at times working two jobs to make ends meet. I would have given anything to be able to stay home and raise my children full-time. Unfortunately, that was never a possibility. Even before my ex and I split up and he decided he wanted nothing to do with our children. So as a single mom who has been juggling working, cooking meals, cleaning, paying bills, and three children, and all that that entails, I find it really difficult to sympathize with a woman who stays home to take care of her family while her husband makes sure she has no financial worries whatsoever. She should count herself lucky. Or blessed. Take your pick.

[–] ruble3 8 years ago

Having three small children like the lady in the movie, would be extremely difficult -- for me, at least.

The thing about small kids is they only understand the child world. For the mom, it's all about the kids. Some of it is delightful, but a lot of it is really boring and menial and takes a lot of patience to put your desires aside and be there for the kids, to find interesting what they find interesting. I only had one kid and I wanted to use my analytical brain so much but was deprived. You have to shut down yourself. Much easier working at a job and seeing the kid when you get home and on weekend

[–] carrieandxtina 8 years ago

When there are people starving should working moms and dad really complain? They should be lucky they got roof over their heads and job. They have zero reason to complain. There are people who have much less. There is always someone who has it worse. Lets not make it into competition.

[–] 7 years ago

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