MovieChat Forums > Enemies Closer (2014) Discussion > Complete waste of time

Complete waste of time

posted 10 years ago by zakimar4
23 replies | jump to latest

I was bored so I watched this travesty and then I realized NOTHING is less boring than this excuse for a movie.

As Orlando Jones hasn't been in a movie since 2011, he decided to co-produce this travesty so he could be in it. Van Damme looks like a drunk clown in this - he REALLY aged badly. And he always puts one of his no talent kids in the movie (or should I say DVD as these never make it to the theater). At least his son has enough shame to go by the name Van Varenberg instead of Van Damme.

EVERY part of this movie was horrible and a complete waste of time. Thankfully I watched a free copy so I only wasted my time and not my money as well.

[–] Ray_Tango 10 years ago

I'm not as harsh on it as you, but it's a considerable step down for Hyams and Van Damme. Van Damme looked extremely tired, or not even interested in the role half the time. There was maybe one or two inspired fight scenes. It's not even a "so bad, it's good" type of film. It's just boring. There's nothing inspired about it with the exception of some scenes where Van Damme chews the scenery.

Regeneration and Day of Reckoning remain prime examples of tier Van Damme DTV, but the latter barely has him in it.

Schwarzenegger Lullaby:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUIPOKOGIOA

[–] jgroub 8 years ago

It's not even a "so bad, it's good" type of film.

Sorry, I'll disagree. I stumbled across this in the middle, saw the girl with the tape on her mouth, and thought it was the cute, sassy girl from the AT&T commercials, Milana Vayntrub, who I have a TV crush on. Once the tape was off, I saw it wasn't her, but I rewound it to see what was up.

This movie was beyond ridiculous. It was incredibly bad. I had no idea what I was watching, I knew absolutely nothing about it, so for the first few minutes, I was just trying to figure out who every one was. I didn't recognize the white guy - "Hey, isn't he . . ." And I didn't recognize the black guy, "He looks familiar . . . " I didn't even recognize JCVD, having never seen a single one of his movies. "Hey! That's . . . "

After I figured out who the three leads were, I settled in. And it was awful. But it was great awful. It was exactly "so bad, it's good." Everything about the movie was just stupid. That old man. The police. JCVD was an awesomely bad bad guy. Complete psycho. I loved it!

I want the doctor to take your picture so I can look at you from inside as well.

[–] michinine 10 years ago

The girl was in from the second she appeared on screen.
Besides bad romance movies no girl (besides nymphos) throws herself at anyone as she did.

The whole Mounty scene was laughable. Nobody would get so close to an ICE operation without any credentials. Nobody would enter the facility and close the door behind him.

And then, they added an new plot, out of nine henchmen, only one could dive. So thats the reason for the hunt for the ranger.

A "travesty" of an action movie would be a quarter of this mess. But this wasn't even a "mockery". This was an pure and direct and no frills INSULT.

I watched a french review version (my french is so-so) and I thought: what happened to Hyams? To end up doing "this"?

[–] Post-Crunk 10 years ago

"I was bored so I watched this travesty and then I realized NOTHING is less boring than this excuse for a movie."

So it's not just the most exciting film, but the most exciting thing you've encountered thus far in life. Unexpected and fascinating, given the thread title.

[–] can_ace_ian 10 years ago

I enjoyed this movie quite a bit. Ignore that BS rating of 5, or whatever it is on IMDB. Doubt even a quarter of them actually watched it. Loads of action. Jean still has it. Orlando, I've always liked since The Replacements. He surprised me with his action abilities. And Tom did very well as the protagonist. The story was fun. The movie had a great old school feel to it. Refreshing with so much Hollywood fluff being rammed down our throats.

I'm not even a JCVD fan! That being said, he did well here and kicked serious butt as the antagonist. Brave move with the character style and moving out of his comfort zone.

Narrator: Modern speech had degrated down to a mixture of slang, hillbilly, and grunts. - Idiocracy

[–] sagat4 10 years ago

No doubt you downloaded it online so thank the person you got it from and be glad you get most of your movies for free

My Voting history is secret;)

[–] oldmaddog 10 years ago

It wasn't that bad a movie, as this sort of thing goes. The worst part as far as I was concerned was the 'ex navy seal' who didn't know the first thing about hand to hand combat. LOL Hold a pistol 3 inches from my face and see what happens, and I'm not even ex military.... An insult to all special forces.
Of course no modern movie is intended to be realistic. They have all these special effects to use to destroy any possible realism.... Not that they used much for special effects here. Just stupid moves on almost everybody's part. More realistic fight scenes can be found in 1940s westerns.
I thought it should be billed as comedy. The only genre that's funnier are 'horror' movies.

[–] Misko195 10 years ago

I enjoyed this movie. It's a B movie, what did you expected?

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Uberlim 10 years ago

wow, u dont realize, what a total asssssss u makin' of urself, plz go shoot som gay jailhouse movieeeeez where u starrz in b4 i get to read ur exagerated shyt again;[
movie's a stepup, a walking stone, a better than b4 prexmas miracle ppl shd respkt

''As Imbecile examines finger, Wise man sees who's watching Imbecile, & Moon gets intimacy.'' H.E

[–] SultanRahi 8 years ago

Sorry, but you're suppose to write your comment in English.
I think I read something homophobic, but I'm not sure.

Ogay ackbay toway oolschay, illiteratway oolfway!

[–] Uberlim 8 years ago

I don't speak piglatin, no muslim should, as for a gay prison, i think the state of carceral affairs in the us of a, even pre-candidat Trump, should consider it, see, i can talk like that too, & homophoby sounds like an imaginary disease, anyway... what was this movie about?😱I FORGOT!

ps: my bad for caring more about the comments ppl make about art than art itself, meh, i'll survive this 1 😆

[–] SultanRahi 8 years ago

"I don't speak piglatin, no muslim should"
😄😄😄
Seriously?
😄😄😄
Phew... that's a good one!

"see, i can talk like that too"
So why don't you do it? Geez.

"homophoby sounds like an imaginary disease"
Maybe because there's no such word in English. Or are you talking about "homophobia", which means fear/dislike/hatred of homosexuals (which is definitively a real thing)?

[–] Uberlim 8 years ago

wow, u rly did got urself an easter egg

about what u said about "homophoby" might have str8-translated it from french, no ill-feelings, i didn't find time to study greek in all my rly non gangsta paractivities, wtv, " 1 jour j' irais à NY avec toi" (dont coun't on it :)"

google it tho, real cool song :]