MovieChat Forums > Friends with Kids (2012) Discussion > Men and Women can't be friends

Men and Women can't be friends


This drives me crazy in movies, whenever there are 2 friends, man and woman, they always end up crazy in love at the end. I am a girl and I have 2 best friends who are men, both of whom I have known for several years, and I have no interest in ever becoming romantically involved with either of them.

Are there any movies that portray men and women relationships in another light? My guy friend and I are always complaining about it when we see a movie like that and we're always hoping it ends up differently. Sometimes people are just friends!

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I think they can but only if they keep it on the light and casual. Anything deeper is a danger signal that at least one of them will fall for the other.

I have plenty of male pals because I have a lot of geeky/nerdy interests. I also like sports as well as sci-fi/suspense/thriller/action movies. I like watching politics and am interested in social issues and trends. Most of my discussions with them revolve around these topics. That's all good. Once you go deeper into "true" friendship, you're flirting with disaster.

I liked parts of this movie. Parts of it were funny. Parts of it touching. But it was woefully missing in depth and any true revelation in terms of life or love. And the ending was simply pathetic.

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"Fear not for the future; weep not for the past." -- Percy Bysshe Shelley
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I have a couple of really good female friends who I share a lot with. Yes, I've thought what it'd be like to 'be with them', but sometimes its just easier to just be friends. The best thing about having female friends is you can be more open and share stuff you wouldn't with your male friends. Its also good to get a female perspective on some things.

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You might not be interested in your friends, but i'm sure they are interested in you. And i'm sure that deep down, you know it.

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The only real exception is when both are not attractive or even disgusting. You are not brother and sister, this is your fantasy. Friendship is one of the most important things in a relationship, sex can be worked out, improved. But if there is no trust, no friendship its doomed to failure.

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So what if men/women are attracted to their opposite sex platonic friends? If they are true friends to each other, they'll keep their bits in their pants. It happens, it works. A lot of people here speak from experience, including myself. My best friend, a male, has confided in me that he once had feelings for me, and still finds me attractive. But the reality of life is, you don't get to *beep* everyone you're attracted to. My friend is mature enough to realize this. Once he became aware there was no chance, he never pushed the issue.

If you think otherwise, you are a manchild and not yet fully realized. Your only mission is life is to make... emissions. So go *beep*... yourself or a girl who gives you the go ahead. IMHO, if you don't respect your girl friends enough to respect the distance, then the only person you deserve to be *beep* is you.

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It helps if one/both people are gay (real gay, not confused bisexuals. Nothing wrong with bisexuals - I am one - but those that try to "pick a side" when they really shouldn't/can't are part of why bisexuals often aren't taken seriously by anyone. And of course some people only act bi for attention or as a sexually experimental phase/fad, but many are genuinely bi. Bisexuals also don't sleep with or want to sleep with everyone, the same way not all straight/gay people are attracted to every single person of the gender that attracts them), or asexual (yes, I have known truly asexual people - they do exist. They can still feel the need for romantic involvement, non-platonic companionship, love, etc with whichever gender they're oriented towards, they just really don't care about or desire sex).

I've been just friends with tons of guys (and girls. So with my being genuinely bisexual - with often more objective physical attraction towards women, but the equal possibility for emotional/sexual attraction - and with the argument that hetero men/women can't be just friends, me and other bisexuals shouldn't be able to be just friends with anyone..and that's just asinine), some I felt were like family - so it would make it pretty awkward to hook up with people you see as family.

You can easily be friends with someone who you might even find objectively attractive without actually being physically attracted to them (like how straight people can admit to someone of the same gender being physically attractive without wanting to do them) - and even if you do find someone physically attractive, many people wouldn't sleep with every single physically attractive and willing person that crosses their path (if you're easily attracted to people and there was enough opportunity, always acting on it could be very time consuming - for example, extremely attractive women have a lot of opportunity but are often a bit choosy even if the physical attraction's mutual), especially if you value their friendship enough and only feel platonic about them emotionally (why screw things up with someone you get along well with who's trustworthy when that quality is so rare, just to get laid?). And even if two people who were friends and physically attracted to each other did hook up, physical attraction and/or sex usually don't automatically equate to a relationship or emotional connection, so it doesn't need to be any more complicated than that (usually "friends with benefits" doesn't work when it's with people who actually are capable of being deeply emotionally attracted to each other, or secretly already are and are just trying to downplay it for the sake of maintaining their friendship) - it could be no more than the equivalent of a one night stand, but with someone you could later hang out with instead of trying to figure out a nice way to kick them out (I myself am not into one night stands - not for moral reasons, but because I usually always find them awkward and unenjoyable, which kind of defeats the purpose. Even if I'm physically attracted to someone the degree to which I'm physically/sexually attracted to someone is usually directly proportionate to how I feel about them emotionally as well - and I'd never let someone I didn't know spend the night, that's how *beep* gets stolen).

So yes, men and women can be just friends under a variety of circumstances as long as they're aware of and honest about their various feelings and/or lack thereof. The problem is when one person is or becomes more interested and can't let it go - I've had to let go of a few friendships because the other person (and I've personally found this to be more the case with guys) gets their feelings confused for whatever reason (despite huge personal incompatibilities. What you look for in a friend is sometimes quite different than in a partner, and if you've dated enough you begin to realize that some personality traits and quirks that you might like or can at least tolerate in a friend - because everyone has some quirks that will rub aspects of someone else the wrong way no matter how close you are. People are varied, and no matter how much you love/accept someone exactly as they are there is no world in which everyone is going to like every single aspect of someone else - would drive you crazy in a relationship).

A good friendship isn't necessarily a formula for a good relationship, which most people realize. Physical attraction is one thing (that's normal, and it often comes and goes) - acting on it and where it goes from there are entirely different things, especially if a close friendship is involved.

The thing that I can't stand is if one person develops feelings that the other doesn't share - and they either then take the other person's lack of interest in return as a personal rejection, or brush it off in the hope that the other person's feelings might change. Some people know their feelings well - and if they're not even a bit physically or non-platonically emotionally attracted to a person after having been friends for a while, that's not likely ever going to suddenly just entirely change. It's not personal, some people just shouldn't date (another thing I know from experience - a few friendships lost due to bad breakups caused by personality conflicts that weren't an issue at all when we were friends. Some people really are much better off as just friends, but once those boundaries get crossed and emotionally complicated it can be difficult to go back to the friendship you once had entirely or sometimes at all - especially if harsh words or betrayal were involved).

And if a person says they aren't interested in dating at the moment, that doesn't equate to them being available - if someone went through a bad breakup or for whatever reason isn't interested in all the stress and work relationships can involve, trying to gain their interest in the guise of being supportive will generally not be well received. And if a person is nearing or over 30 and says they never wants kids, that should never be dismissed with the assumption that they could change their minds (especially if they've had the same attitude consistently for more than 10 years) - people who don't want to have kids shouldn't, they'll likely only resent the kid and life they felt they were pressured into and be a bad parent (not always, but there's a greater chance of it with someone who never wanted them to begin with)..so instead of someone screwing up a young life, people shouldn't be pressured or bow to the pressure of doing anything they don't want to - in the long-run, it won't make anyone happy.

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You're probably one of these girls who strings men along lol. I bet they fancy you.

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