1. The other day, they had a 12-hour marathon of Scooby-Doo and Friends on Cartoon Network.
2. Danny watched all 12 hours.
3. When it was finished, Danny said, "$#it!"
4. Danny's son is an @$$#ole.
5. Danny's son can't do $#it without his ba!!s.
6. Danny doesn't wanna switch phone companies.
7. The phone company that Danny's talking to can stick those 5-cent Sundays up its f*%!in' @$$.
8. The colgate toothpaste, the one with tartar control, made Danny feel like a piece of *beep*
share9. Danny's son is an a$$hole.
10. Danny's son can't do s#!t without his b@!!s.
11. Danny wants bacon and eggs for breakfast.
12. Danny said bacon and eggs.
13. Danny has to live in this he!!hole.
14. All Shirlena ever does is stay at home and play with her t!t$ and look at her @$$ at the same time.
15. Shirlena will kick Danny in the b@!!s.
16. Shirlena is a b!tc#.
17. Danny loves Shirlena.
18. Pi$$ing out the window and $#itting out the window are two different things.
share19. Danny's son heard Danny got kicked out of a LensCrafters the other day.
20. Danny walked in to pick up his *beep* glasses.
21. And Danny couldn't stop calling people d!cks.
22. So they kicked Danny out.
23. And the manager called Danny a dumb@$$, like he's Danny's dad and $h!t.
24. Danny's son can go to Jolly Pirate Donuts and take a two-hour $h!t for all Danny cares.
25. The paper towels are over here in this bag.
26. Danny's son is a *beep*
27. Danny's son hit Danny in the d!ck.
28. Danny's son is sorry.
29. Danny's son is lucky it wasn't hard.
30. Danny meant this thing (the paper towels), not his d!ck.
31. Danny thinks salt should be *beep*
32. These fishsticks are hard as t!ts.
33. Danny's son wants to know whose t!ts Danny's been grabbing that feel hard.
34. Danny would kill himself if his last name was...COMBS!!
35. Danny only wears cologne for that bitch in church
36. Danny can time travel by one month into the past, by shouting "PISS!!"
37. Danny doesn't give a shit about Wheel of Fortune, anymore since he got bumped
38. Danny think it's time for his son to get a damn Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatch!!
39. Danny doesn't give a SHIT, SHIT, SHIT when he can't find the restrooms in grocery stores
40. If Danny gets too pissed, he doesn't give a shit
41. Danny think that a porcupine's balls are small and don't give a shit
42. Danny is not afraid of Rick Moranis or his pussy whipped friends
43. Danny is not afraid of anything...except snakes
44. Danny thinks his dad looks like every mall Santa, therefore fuck him and every mall Santa that looks like him
45. Danny really fucking hates Head & Shoulders shampoo and the bottle even said something about his ass
46. Danny hates it when someone puts a giant M&M alarm clock in his bedroom and makes it go off, waking him up
47. He thinks the garbage disposal sounds like Chewbacca taking a shit. He son disagrees and get grounded for it
48. He goes to Wendy's and wants biggie fries, two cheeseburgers, and some shit to drink
49. He doesn't want it (his food order) loaded up, with a bunch of bullshit
50. He get pissed that his grandma is 93 years old and doesn't know who ALF is
51. He call someone's dad, a faggot with the tuba, after looking at a picture of him playing such an instrument and asking the question
52. He doesn't hate gays
53. But if some faggot ever tried to touch him...
54. If he ever meets Vanna White in person, he'll call her a bitch
55. He also wants to tie Pat Sajak to a telephone poll and let the UPS guy buttfuck him
56. He doesn't like it, when his son talks shit about Total cereal
57. He changes his damn glasses more than he changes his damn shirt
58. He shouts "Bob Saget" whenever he tries not to cuss
59. He wants Mr. Bitch to hurry up, whenever he is at a store
60. He wants the shitboat to hurry up, whenever he is driving
61. He hates the song, "At the Carwash", it pisses him off
62. He wants to scotch tape his son's ass shut
63. He doesn't fuck (care) that his neighbors will call the cops if he still continues to be loud, but his neighbors do care
64. He coughs and says "Bullshit!"
65. He coughs again and says "Bullshit!", again
66. He coughs once more and says "My ass"
67. He coughs yet once more and says "Fuck you!"
68. He doesn't like someone talking about his dick without his permission
69. He didn't talk to nobody yesterday, he was in the car, taking a shit
70. He has two cocks, for some reason
71. Whenever he changes the clocks in the house (for daylight savings time), his ass turns to Jello, by the time he changes the last one
72. He want to meet the motherfucker who called it "Fashion Bug' and shove a broom up his ass
73. He thinks the guy who played Data from Star Trek is (probably) getting fucked in the ass
74. He thinks it's embarrassing as fuck, to have an ass
75. Danny once had to use the restroom in prison
76. Then 50 people watched
77. He wants to know what that dumbass Mr. Dingus (His parole officer) wants, whenever he calls him
78. He tell everyone on "Unsolved Mysteries" to find out who gives a shit about Bigfoot
79. Update: Nobody gives a shit, so fuck him (Bigfoot)
80. Update: Someone broke into his house and stole $500 worth of shit
81. That's right, $500 worth of bullshit
82. He hates being attack by bees, whenever he's mowing the yard
83. He wouldn't even piss on some guy, even if he was on Jeopardy
84. He would love to shove a can of Pringles, up a preacher's ass and be happy to tell him about it
85. He wants to switch phone companies because none of those dickheads can speak English
86. He could shit a better Kool-Aid commercial
87. He's been fucked by Dairy Queen, twice
88. He was rear ended, by a shitty Mitsubishi
89. He hopes this is the Puffdaddy version of "Every Breath You Take", instead of that Sting piece of shit. It was actually the latter.
90. He thinks the clock in his living room is full of shit
91. He thinks it's easy for Dennis to give a shit, because he's full of shit
92. He's getting sick and tired of these goddamn polluters and looters, in his backyard
93. He hangs up the phone, whenever some squirrel is fucking his tomatoes
94. He takes shit in public restrooms and clogs their toilets, which makes their janitors very angry
95. He doesn't think his white t-shirt looks like Mickey Mouse, instead it looks like Titdirt
96. He wants his son to get his retarded ass in the bathroom and shave off his sideburns
97. He thinks his son looks like 200 pounds of bird shit, whenever he is not wearing a shirt
98. A long legged pissed off Puerto Rican tried to be brake into his truck, so he called the cops
99. He thinks some girls are lesbians because they like what he likes
100. His asks why their (his family's) broom closet smells like an ass