MovieChat Forums > Vampires Suck (2010) Discussion > Write a gag Vampires Sucks style...

Write a gag Vampires Sucks style...


A redhead with super exaggerated tits walks on scene. "Hi, I am Joan from Mad Men." She slips and falls in to feces. HILARIOUS!!!

A man who looks like Chris Crocker walks on screen. "LEAVE LINDSEY ALONE." Promptly falls in to feces. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

A black man walks on scene with a brunette wearing a t-shirt that says "Mama Grizzly" on it. "Hi, I am Barack Obama." "And I am Sarah Palin." Both start making out with each other. Then a dump truck driven by a woman that looks like Hillary Clinton dumps a bunch of feces on them. *beep* A THAT'S FUNNY!!!

A woman walks on to screen dressed in a bizarre suit made of lettuce or some *beep* whatever... "Hi, I am Lady Gaga." The main character promptly rips off her clothes (LOL!!! FEMINISM WHAT???!!! TAKE THAT DYKES!!!), and she turns in to a naked embarrassed dude who promptly gets a rock thrown at his face and slips in to feces. HOLY *beep* I AM PISSING MY PANTS HERE!!!

Aliens that look like the Aliens from District 9 come on screen. "We are the aliens from District 9!" They proceed to break dance. Then Carmen Electra appears, and gets hit by a rock and falls in to feces, the aliens promptly eat her before getting thrown off a cliff by a couple that looks like the couple from 500 Days of Summer. "Hi, we're the couple from 500 Days of Summer." The couple trip on some feces, and fall off the cliff as well. Fortunately for all of them, there was a big pile of feces at the bottom of the cliff. The aliens and the couple are so disgusted by falling in to the feces that they start puking. However, they all manage to climb out of the big pile of feces. BUT THEN!!!!!! someone throws rocks at their faces, and they slip back in to the pile of feces. They all say, "Oh god, the feces is so gross." Then a guy that looks like Kiefer Sutherland comes along, and he says, "Hi, I am Jack Bauer." He starts helping out the aliens and the couple that looks like the couple from 500 Days of Summer, and he's almost got everyone out of the feces but... OH NO!!! some rocks fly in to all of their faces, and everyone falls back in the pile of feces. Then a pregnant brunette walks on scene. "Hi, I am the Octomom." She helps everyone out of the pile of feces, but just then, a claymation fox comes on screen. "Hi, I am the fox from Fantastic Mr. Fox." He promptly punches the Octomom in her pregnant belly, which causes her to miscarry-get this- thirty fetuses. In fact, while the bloody fetuses drop from under her skirt, the other characters get bored and start looking at their watches. After she's done (the girl from that 500 Days of Summer goes, "FINALLY!") the aliens from District 9 look at each other with goofy looks, and then proceed to eat the aborted fetuses. Octomom then trips and falls in to the big pile of feces!!! OH MY GOD THAT'S LIKE IF GOD GAVE YOU A BLOW JOB!!! IT'S THAT FUNNY!!

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As he walks in, He promptly says "Hi, I'm Cobb from Inception. As he enters the wet dream, he gets hit by a rock, and then falls into a pile of feces. FUNNY! SPOOF!

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"And he gets hit by a truck."


...a truck full of feces?

Excuse me, I have to go.
Somewhere, there is a crime happening.

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Seltzer? Is that you?

No, you'd use more feces jokes. Sorry for the mistake.

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How about instead of the vampires biting people's necks for blood, they have to suck on their penises? Get it, 'vampires suck'? Pure comedic gold right there.

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That would make a great porno!

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You're doing it wrong. I actually chuckled at some of those.

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Dear OP,

You have just gotten yourself a 3-picture movie deal! Welcome aboard the 20th Century Fox team.





Formerly known as mwterp87

I’m gonna get nice and drunk, and play videogames 'til my eyes bleed!

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We see Blade walk towards a group of teenagers.

Blade: You seen this guy? (shows them a picture of Edward)

Teen: No. Aren't you warm wearing that trench coat in the summertime?

Blade: Some mofos just can't ice skate uphill.

Teen: What?

Blade walks away.

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As we see the vampire squirrel attack Edward, Brendan Fraser comes running into frame, points at what's happening and screams... (wait for it)...

"OH NO!!!! IT'S....FURRY VENGENCE!!!!!!"

Brendan Fraser then screams like a little girl, and runs away!

Then, Tallahassee from "Zombieland" comes into view. Tallahassee turns to Becca and says "Have you seen my friend, Encino?"

Becca replies "No, I haven't seen Encino, Man."

Then the three evil vampires come in, sees Tallahassee, says "Fresh food", jumps over to him, grabs him by the neck, says "CHEERS.", and then drinks his blood.

I'm a sand pimp, and Myrtle and Pismo are my beaches!

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I found the OP hillarious.

Sounds just like something they would do.

Why is it, when you see it on movies, it isnt funny, but when it is written, in the ole purpose to bag those movies out, its hillarious !!!

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It's funny because it's so indicative of the stupid inane *beep* that shows up in their films.

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But it's way, way funnier and more intelligent than anything they would ever do.

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then the logos of many prodoct get a shout out (OMGGGGGGGlolololololololololololololololololololol)

Im 13 and I can hate movies. Deal with it!
Destroyer of Jokes scince the dawn of time!

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...So, I take it you haven't seen the movie?

You only get one life. Don't *beep* it up.

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Well we didn't, because we know better. But however, this thread is 100,000x funnier than the actual movie. Nuff said.

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I thought they missed a joke when they took the pictures -- the flash going off should have burned them to a crisp or something -- and then the photograph would have come back with no one in it.

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have you considered selling your rough draft to the directors? You could call it...Movie Movie.

Excuse me, I have to go.
Somewhere, there is a crime happening.

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"Movie Movie?" Done in 1978.

Im 13 and I can hate movies. Deal with it!
Destroyer of Jokes scince the dawn of time!

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They should have done a "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" joke when the guy turned into a chihuahua. The chihuahua should have been more powerful than expected -- the chihuahua says "no mas" and big rocks come tumbling down.

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