“Bram Stoker’s Van Helsing”

Pitch meeting for this steaming pile, completely ignoring that ‘Bram Stoker NEVER wrote a novel nor a story with this title. “SO FUCKING. COOL. We make—get this!—a Dracula movie WITHOUT DRACULA! And without Mina Harker. We save a fortune. This will be like Rosencrantz and and Guildenstern Are Dead, y’know? A look at a well-known tale from the perspective of the schmucks in the story and not from the actual characters who count for shit.”

23 YEAR-OLD STUDIO EXEC WHOSE HOT MOM BLOWS THE STUDIO PRINCIPLE EVERY FUCKING DAY Rosencrantz and Who?

ME Ever heard or, God forbid, SEEN the play, Hamlet?!

23 YEAR-OLD DOUCHE Ham, what? A sammich? Mustard?

This POS is like that travesty Gotham, a Batman show absent fucking Batman. I sneer at this shit. I have more respect for, and pleasure from, Fred Olen Ray and.
Full Moon Productions softcore smut than I do for this kind of travesty.