100. There a mirror paint that will change every feature in a person face, making them look like a corpose
99. If someone shoots drug in your neck- assume they may cause some harm to you
98. An officer will ignore a corpse moving just cause they can't rationalize it
97.
I'll bite. You missed #97 so I'll start there...
97) You can convince a woman that she is dead and inject a drug into her veins which requires circulation which relies on cardiac output which is not possible without a beating heart, and she won't suspect a thing.
96) Bodies don't get identified in the hospital room or at the hospital morgue, they get ID'd at the funeral home.
95) There are grown adults who believe that corpses can still move about.
94) A person who is stupid enough to be convinced that they are dead will not be intelligent enough to do a test as simple as holding their breath to see what happens...just to make sure.
93) Morticians don't actually prep corpses. They just spend a few minutes each day spewing incomprehensible nonsense.
92) Inside a funeral home, you can hear a man outside talking in normal voice but he won't hear his fiance' screaming and breaking things inside.
91) Doctors and nurses will always take an EMT's word that a person is dead.
90) If a person is stupid enough that they can be convinced they are dead, they won't notice hunger pangs or mouth/throat dryness from starvation and dehydration...after several days.
89) After several days of no food and water you will still have enough energy to run through a house...including up and down a flight of stairs.
88) Hey stupid boy, you wanna know if your bird is alive or dead? Here is a little clue that nobody really knows...if it's still moving around, chirping, eating, and communicating with other birds, or doing any one of those things then chances are it's still alive you effing moron.
87) Hallway lights will shut off one by one behind you when you're about to die even if you're not really about to die.
86) If you're stupid enough to be convinced you're dead, then make sure you keep your eyes open every time you breathe into a mirror since that is the only way you'll know if you're really alive.
85) The same trick will work on every person because nobody is smart enough to logically deduce and discuss the scientific proof that they aren't really dead. They'll just repeat "I can't be dead" over and over again.
Some more!
84) A child can roam around unchecked in funeral homes and school (even after getting punched!) and no-one seems to check on his seemingly dead mother.
83) Jack's home only receives the "50's channel".
82) It is OK to be threatened with a sharp implement by a "dead" person, isn't it???
81) People in car wrecks get a slight cut above the eye that heals when dead.
80) Dead people breathe when being viewed at their funeral and no-one notices!
79) You still have time to trim your hedge with nail scissors even though your preparation room has been totally wrecked by one of your corpses
Oh God, there are so many more - over to the next person
78) If you see somebody having a lot to drink, then persuade them to drive fast somewhere, they will be guaranteed to be involved in a car crash which will almost - but not quite - kill them, leaving them in a state where the attending police and ambulance crews think they are dead but they aren't (quite) so you can then wait for them to wake up and inject them with a drug which will make them appear dead to anyone who sees them, even up close, even though they are breathing and moving, and which will allow them to come around again so you can talk to them then inject them again before burying them alive.
Aargh!
[deleted]
I just HAD to come back for more...
77) Morticians have access to and need IV drugs that lower the heart rate to "next to nothing" and cause "paralysis".
76) A mortician will give a drug like this to people of all different ages including senior citizens yet not one of them will actually die from their heart rate plummeting that low. They'll just wake up after a couple hours like nothing happened.
75) Police will talk about how these drugs exist while a panicked man is telling them his fiance' is still alive inside a funeral home, yet they won't find any of this suspicious.
74) People can't tell a live body with warm skin and fully functioning organs from a dead body.
73) Funeral homes have huge carving knives...
72) When you have a huge carving knife in your hand and you need proof that you're alive, no need to simply prick your finger to check for blood flow, just go to #71...
71) "Prove I'm dead"..."ok, look in this mirror"..."I look like a corpse, ok thanks, that's all the proof I need...silly me, here's your huge carving knife back".
70) Morticians who bury people alive will hear voices, but not one of those voices will say "you idiot, you lied to me and buried me alive. I suffocated to death thanks to you. I'll get you for this..."
69) Boys who think their mother is dead won't call an ambulance or nearest relative. They won't tell anybody at all. They won't even wonder what's gonna happen to them.
68) This movie is soo much more fun and funny when you're making fun of it...
I normally don't post on these things but this looks too much fun to miss :)
67 ) This is the one film in America where you can jump out of your Volvo 4X4 and look at clothing in a window where nobody sounds their horn or shouts BEEPing moron
66 ) Liam Neeson makes so much money burying the living that he doesn't need to wait for his change in a gas station
65 ) Gas prices in the US make me sick. He couldn't afford to do that in the UK
64 ) Its okay to leave your dead fiancees blood on the nodding teacher doll
63 ) Its also okay for the said doll's head to follow you around the room without freaking you out
62 ) It's perfectly okay to have a small child witness you killing someone on the table if that child is a tad creepy
61 ) If a policeman's brother "says" something to you you don't like, it's more than okay to apply make up that makes him look somewhere between Krusty the Clown and a pre-op transexual
60. If you are a grieving lawyer, the police won't mind if you sit in a car that has been impounded for evidence.
59. The police will let you take an item with forensic evidence on it if it has sentimental value.
58. The door to said evidence room has no lock.
57. The local hospital has piss-poor doctors if they incorrectly identify dead people so many times.
"It's not a *beep* book! It's a WEAPON." --Carnegie
56. No need to embalm or refrigerate any of the corpses -- they won't be ready until they accept they're dead.
55. Random nose bleeds and the need to eat pills like popcorn doesn't mean you should see a doctor -- it means you're afraid to love.
54. Always order the duck.
53. Love means spewing worms at family get-to-gethers.
"I thought I told you to come alone."
Re 54. Always order the duck.
Why in americam movies when people order food do they just say "The" followed by a type of meat. People say "I'll have The Chicken......The Fish.... or The Duck" Do restaurants not actually have the names of dishes in the menu?? Everytime I've eaten at a restaurant I need to give the name of a meal. Not just say The Chicken etc.
Maybe for the same reason the British say they are "in hospital."
"I thought I told you to come alone."
No no, most menus have actual names of the dishes like "Chicken parmigiana". But most high end restaurants only have a limited menu. Regular chain restaurants may have 4-5 pages of menu options, high end restaurants typically have 1 page, maybe 2. Duck is not as common as chicken or fish so I think you could probably get away with saying "I'll have the duck" in high end restaurants, which is what they were in. Although I've never really heard someone say that, I'm sure most people actually say the name. Why in movies? Probably the same reason why most people don't say "goodbye" on the phone in movies, waste of time. :)
shareHere's a good example.
There's an old joke. You can either keep your mouth shut and have people think you might be an idiot or you can open your mouth and prove it.
Yes, the menu will have a title for the dish, often in the language of origin for the dish.
Pollo alla Cacciatora for example.
So, you're sitting there, you're not a complete idiot.
But you're trying to remember if Italians say Polo or Poyo.
Spanish is one way, Italian is the other but you're only vaguely familiar with either.
"The chicken" is a good way of avoiding the issue.
Also while you're at it, you're dreading how to prounounce all of those Cs in Cacciatora.
I'm from America, and even if we use the actual name of the dish, saying "the" sounds more natural:
I'll have Chicken parmigiana
I'll have the Chicken parmigiana
To me the second sounds right, the first sounds unnatural. Note to British people: "in hospital." Why? Do you say you're in home? or in hotel? They all require "the." :)
52. Creepy morticians can orchestrate accidents so perfectly that his victims are almost dead to the point where professionals deem them as such, when they are in fact able to be up and out of bed within a day.
share51. When driving down the road frantically trying to reach your possibly dead, possibly alive girlfriend, you shouldn't find it weird that an ambulance disappears right before your eyes while it drives past you, and instead should just focus on aforementioned frantic driving.
50. That even though your hair is dyed when you are "dead", it'll magically change back to red when you are back in your coffin.
49. That it is completely appropriate and professional for a mortician to spell Taylor as "Tailor" on the phone.
48. There seems to be no consequences from backhanding a kid talking about your presumed dead fiance.
47. That like all female protagonists in horror films, even the possibly dead ones will run upstairs when in a panic instead of breaking windows and trying to climb out. ***NOTE: (I will give her points for finding a phone upstairs though, BUT she lost them by not calling 911 first...derrrp).***
46. Females will not show any discomfort in a morgue environment that is slowly being cooled while they romp around nude. That's right, no goosebumps, shivers, fetal positions on tables to get warm.... NOTHING.
45. That when your eyes are clearly moving back and forth behind your eyelids during your funeral, your mother nor fiance will notice, and that if they DO notice something, will not double check. (hey Paul, you COULD of easily suggested a double check by pretending you wanted to sniff her hair or kiss her forehead or some equally lovey-dovey, boyfriend type gesture and by that time, she'd of been able to say "dude, this hydronium bromide is totally wearing off now").
Not bad for only seeing it once by chance.
Re #69 - Anna was his teacher, not his mother. His mother was the semi-vegetative woman who sat and stared at the TV and didn't respond when he spoke to her - we mostly saw the back of her head. She looked about 60. So, "Boys who are still in elementary school have mothers who look like they've reached retirement age."
shareYea, that was the woman I was referring to. The kid thought she was dead yet he never thought for a second about who was gonna take care of him. He never bothered to call any family members. He never wondered why she never started to decompose. And unless she never ever ever even moved an inch all day and all night he never wondered why she moved, breathed, blinked, etc. But your post was funny!! Loved it, haha!!
shareThe boy who coincidentally appeared twice in the pictures of the dead that the mortician kept on his wall?
share44 - American schools apparently let non school workers just hang out in an empty classroom for as long as they like emptying drawers then trashing the place.
43 - People will just stand gawking at you whilst an elementary school guard (who wasn’t keeping an eye on you when you trashed your girlfriends classroom) mildly holds you back after wacking a kid across the hallway. No one will then try and call the kids mother to tell them what happened whilst also wanting to press charges against you and instead will just put it down to grief.
42 - If you attend a funeral for your dead piano teacher then throw a strop outside in the car park trying to find your keys and start crying then apparently you are emotionally dead and don’t deserve to life as you’re sucking (the apparently) depleting oxygen levels away from those that do want to live.
41 - Being a mortician who lives alone and has no partner/kids/...dog is obviously living life to the max.
40 - American schools don’t call social services when they realise that a kids mother never picks them up from school.
39 - No one sniggers during ‘domestics’ at a local restaurant.
38 - If your best mate happens to be a police detective then they will happily let you sit in a car that’s been impounded, take away some forensic evidence but won’t make a courtesy call to the morticians to ask if you can see your dead girlfriend.
37 - Also if you are best friends with the police detective this also means your best friends with the whole police department and are happy having discussions regarding your apparent grief in an open office.
36 - Police officers don’t have training on how to deal with grief and just make quips in the background whilst you’re pouring your heart out.
35 - Police officers don’t get any compassionate leave for dead siblings.
:)
lol at 41, seriously who was he to judge them!
Buster:I don’t want no part of your tight-ass country-club, you freak bitch!
34. You can run a huge, expensive-looking, perfectly manicured funeral home ALL BY YOURSELF, even answer the door and pick up corpses in the company van. It's OK to hire a part-time grave digger, as long as there is no backhoe. Make sure he digs the entire grave with a hand shovel.
33. A cemetery that looks like it's been there for 100 years or more will still have an available burial plot right by the front door.
32. People in wheelchairs are very selfish.
share31. That Liam Neeson is an excellent actor, but even he can't save a bad film like After.Life or The Other Man.
30. That in the days prior to her funeral, not only does the 'corpse' not notice any hunger pangs or thirst (as has already been mentioned), but neither does she feel the slightest need to go to the toilet.
29. That all the screaming and shouting of "I'm not dead!" reminds me of Monty Python and makes me roar with laughter.
"Three years...I promise."
31. Noone finds it suspicious that the mortician picks the dead person's favourite flowers each time despite only being told basic details about the individual.
30. Police Station's have rooms marked 'Authorised personel only' left unlocked.
29. People can hit children and suffer no apparent repercussions.
28. Morticians who skilfully cause regular car accidents let their car nearly run out of fuel.
25. You can get a casket that is 5' 3" long.
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
24. this movie could've been avoided if folks drive safely in the rain and not get distracted.
23. this funeral director has a particular set of skills. Their was no point of her trying 2 run away.