MovieChat Forums > The Tournament (2010) Discussion > 100 things I learnt from The Tournament

100 things I learnt from The Tournament

posted 15 years ago by intelearts
49 replies | jump to latest

This could be fun....

1. Shotguns and homing devices = watermelony head

2. Said devices make more of bang than grenades in chruch

3. Don't catch the 136 bus from Middlesborough

4. Night clubs in Middlesborough really are worse than you imagined they'd be

5. Billionaires are stereotypes of their cultures....every single one...

6. iPhone like sucks compared to these phones...

7. Empty shoes are guaranteed to fool one of the top 20 assassins in the world...

8. Garage attendants have the best noise exclusion headphones... evaaaar....

9. If you're going to die, die very very creatively....

10. And finally, bourbon really burns well, and if you are set on fire with bourbon, you will be able to run a quarter mile and look as though it's just a bad case of sunburn.....

[–] bobslider 15 years ago

48. This tournament happens every seven years, which means three tournaments ago, the billionaires had to huddle around a tiny TV watching the VHS tapes of a frightened cameraman running around videotaping the assassins. The assassins, in order to tell if another assassin was coming, had to wear hats that had huge orange flags on the top.

49. Ving Rhames gets so tired when doing bad movies, he can barely care about anything.

50. Kelly Hu is the most friendly assassin ever, she really needs a new line of work where she doesn't have to shoot people constantly, but the world is a tough place for beautiful asian women.

51. You can be an alcoholic, go through a horrible experience with an international cabal of assassins competing and killing each other, stop drinking, regain respect in the community, bring back your congregation for a stirring speech without ever having to shave.

52. Billionaires keep their money on the table all willy-nilly.

53. Taking time to pretend to be a topless pole dancer in order to surprise your mark when you leap upon him suddenly works better in theory than in real life.

54. When drinking coffee, priests REALLY relax their throat, which has the unfair side effect of allowing large unknown blinking metal objects into their stomach.

55. Fat gas station attendants keep their cool in any situation, they are just supercool.

[–] intelearts 14 years ago

Bobslider.... you farking own this thread! :-D

[–] sinisterseven 14 years ago

some of you guys are confused about the plot or didn't pay enough attention, which i can't blame you for because it wasn't a plot driven thinking movie but....

- they get snuck up on twice and don't hear the beep because the first time in the church because kelly hu is distracted by the priest and assumes the beep she hears is him. same thing when they were on the telephone. Also I'm not even sure the device even beeps, I went back and re-watched the parts where the assassins check their phones and I couldn't hear anything. it sort of beeped when kellly hu was in the hotel but it was so low she couldn't hear it. she heard the door knock and THEN checked her phone, and saw the bleep on the phone.

- the news report before the tournament begins says the city is severely unforced by policemen. The 911 emergency lines are scrambled by those techs. there are also clean-up crews after every murder (although why they didn't clean up the first dude the texan kid kills before van found him i dunno) and all the exploding cars and dead bodies are reported as homicides, terrorists, car accidents, etc etc.

- the organizers chose to make the device a bomb so it would add a new twist to this years tournament: the tournament has to end in 24 hours or they all die (which to me makes sense, otherwise all the assassins would hide for days and nobody would kill anybody). The other purpose seems to be so they can default kills if the assassins hesitated (like hu did). And no, the assassins didn't know it doubled as a bomb.

- kelly hu kills the woman because she was contracted to. and even then she pauses momentarily. that's why she didn't kill the kneeling, crying priest: because after killing the unarmed woman she was hesitant to kill anybody she wasn't 100% sure was not innocent.

- The Texas Kid really isn't a villain. The villain would be the host. the Texas Kid is just insane.

[–] PRiiCEY 14 years ago

Let's ignore the above post.

56. The Smoking Ban doesn't apply to hitmen.

57. British actors shouldn't be allowed to do American accents.

58. If you're getting a lapdance froma stripper they won't notice the pump action shotgun that lays next to you.

59. Ving Rhames can surgically remove tracking devices in 0.2 seconds.

60. Hot crazy little Asian hitmen tend to fall for alcoholic Scottish priests.

[–] Mandy_Whitsands 14 years ago

ok, how did you come up with 59) ? What's your basis for that ?

[–] 14 years ago

[deleted]

[–] 14 years ago

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[–] asoaso 14 years ago

62. iPod earphones will block out gun fire, smashed windows and general destruction, but when someone is on the other end of a payphone, they're not quite as effective.

63. Every 7 years, terrorist attacks really aren't terrorist attacks; they're the result of a tournment, kind of like the World Cup.

64. Middlesborough bus passengers don't seem bothered when their bus smashes into, and kills, someone on the motorway. They just sit there as if nothing happened. When a gun fight ensues, most also sit there as if nothing happened.

65. The 31st best assassin in the world will be in very heavy demand every 7th year and automatically be bumped up to 2nd best.

66. People are betting like crazy with millons of dollars, but don't mind muddling all their money up in one big pile on the table.

67. Assassis are really pretty stupid people. No wonder they couldn't get a real job.

68. This filmed sucked hard and I have no idea how it got a 6.8 on here.

[–] sing_sing 14 years ago

69. Even though you had the world's best assassin's wife killed, you somehow fail to forsee a problem by hiring the hitman (or woman) yourself. Especially since the top 30 hit people in the world all know each other intimately and can't keep secrets.
70. Also as the tournament director you some how fail to overlook your own security and hire tards that can't recognise that when the 'best' assassin in the world is somewhat agitated and crawling slowly towards their boss they do nothing and simply watch

[–] UnknownMan4 14 years ago

71. When your coffee cup's empty and you want some more don't wait and ask the waitress for a refill. Look for a full cup at a nearby vacated table and drink it.

[–] TwentyCenturyFaux 14 years ago

100001: you get a cup full of hot coffee and you drink it like its a tequilla shot. and you dont even notice that you just swallowed a thumb size metal bomb.

100002: in the end their cameras showed church from outside. even though it was built on a open field on top of a mountain. i wonder where the cameras were placed.

100003: when you are in a one day long death tournament, dont worry about other killers, just go to a strip club like any other day and dont look at your ifun device.

100004: well who needs to invest in a bulletproof vest, it isnt necessary.

100005: if you are a monkey frenchman and see two of your opponents killing each other then dont let them kill each other, just jump in to the bus which is being humped by a truck and finish the business yourself. and yes, dont stay away from cameras too.

100006: metal detectors apparently cannot detect a little bomb.

100007: cameras in strip club??? so thats what cops watch all day.
www.indrajal.com

[–] BrazilDandyDude 13 years ago

837. you can go from a freeway at night to a church at morning in less than one minute.

[–] 13 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Mrpinkeye 13 years ago

81. Liam Cunningham has a really annoying voice when in charge

[–] unrealadam 12 years ago

(number dunno) When you hijack a double decker bus. Let the driver *beep* off he isn't needed. Your priest accoomplice can "learn fast" how to drive it.

[–] Ultrasade 12 years ago

83. Hitmen have bad aim. Seriously. Even if you are right in front of them and standing completely still.
84. I could probably take the top 30 assasins in the world.

[–] lorddeseiz 10 years ago

85. They thought Arena with Samuel L Jackson was to dumb, ... so they used the same story again and made something even dumber.
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