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Would letters help or hinder you in the grieving process?

posted 12 years ago by Katie_snow
25 replies | jump to latest

Do you think a loved one leaving you letters and other personal messages, to be read after they've died, would help or hinder your grieving process?

I'm just really curious to see what people's opinions are.

I recently read this article:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/8503753/Dying-mothers-final-gift-to-her-daughter-a-guide-to-life.html

(sorry I don't know how to make it clickable!!) and thought it was such a fabulous and thoughtful idea, but my brother completely disagrees and brought up Ps. i love you as an example and said sometimes it's better that people just go and you get on with the grieving process...

I'd love to hear your opinions guys!

[–] RumiLover_K 10 years ago

Would letters help or hinder you in the grieving process?

This might be linked to the quality of the relationship. And I don't mean how he or she passed away but what one has they want to hold onto and how rich their loving and serving each other was throughout the span of their time together.

They say guilt is our feelings about others. And shame is our feelings about ourselves.

In my opinion Holly didn't treat Gerry very well but instead took him for granted and pushed him, rather than inspire him, to give or get her what she wanted. Then scolded him for being honest with her mother which exposed her insecurities about becoming a parent. God forbid she'd have to wear flats!

From the start it was to hell with Gerry. Here he has them in a beautiful New York apartment to die for, working his ass off, starting a new business, doing all the right things, not straying and loving here with all his passion and she's calling it too small? This isn't right. That isn't right. What about her? Whatever he did wasn't enough. And then it stops. It is then, once we lose what we had, when we realize how good we had it.

A better question might be do we ever know the good times when we're in them?

[–] LivAlex 8 years ago

My girlfriends mother died of cancer when we were 17. She got engaged two years ago and at the reception of her wedding her father gave her a letter from her mother. It was the most emotional thing I've ever experienced.

[–] mysticnox 7 years ago

I honestly don't know.

[–] stacy0912 7 years ago

Me neither. If I ever loved someone like that, so entirely, I'd imagine living one more minute after his death would be a fate worse than death itself. To relive it inside his letters over and over, I think it would be too hard.

~Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable~

[–] akanesa (19) 7 years ago

my grandfather left some little notes to my grandmother, they were left in drawers and places so that she found them all into the next three days after he died. She cried a lot at the time but I think she would have cried letter or not. She even found one two years after if I remember well, of course she cried again a lot but I think that she was very grateful to have something new from him even after he wasn't there anymore and now almost 10 years after she keeps them and read them and it doesn't make her sad.