Funniest Line of ALL Time


"What are you doing with the television?!!!" But, you know, with his accent..

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Lots of funny lines and funny scenes. (especially the Kostmart)

One subtle line is when Dick says "See!" and his son understands "Si!"

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a really subtle line that i thought was funny went something like this:



"did you ever have any nicknames?"

"it was squirt something. the squirt. something about how i was concieved."

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Jane: "yeah i just called them up and they came striaght out"

Dick: "wow. that almost never happens"

(upon hearing about the pool people digging a whole for his pool).

the way he says it...

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The part with Alec Baldwin: "Now watch this shot" - making fun of GW Bush's "Now watch this drive" had me laughing my a$$ off.

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I loved the part where Dick just has half a beer and then he runs after the guy and tackles him into the flower bed. And when Dick hides on the ceiling, then plummets down. Pure, unadulterated Jim Carrey genius!!!

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What's the good of originality if you can't crank it out?

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no I think the best line and acting was when they changed their voices and robbed the jerk who totally made a fool of Dick, also a good runner up would have been the part where he was singing, and when he acted as an inspector of the money in the bank

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Yeah, with a snap of the latex gloves...."you MIGHT want to wash your hands." Then when the other robbery starts, he goes "aw, no way!"

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On the DVD there's a deleted scene where they are robbing a toy store and the senior citizen security guard starts putting a whipping on Dick. Dick says "look Gramps" and the old man punches him in the face.

The old man knocks him down and says "c'mon Mary, get up, c'mon sweetheart", Dick punches the old man with a big glove, knocks the fellow's dentures out, he gets up and bites Dick on the forearm with his gums, and Dick goes "ewwwww! eewwwww!"

That just cracks me up.

Otherwise, throughout the movie are vintage Jim Carey spoofs and schticks, he's got great comedic sense and timing.

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yells:: "SON OF A BITCH"

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my favorite part was not really a line but the scene where he was tellin jane he was going 2 robb the store and he was askin her about the glasses lol and when she told him 2 steal sum prozack lol and then when he was robbin the store and his gun wouldnt come out his pocket lol and the small guy went on break and the big guy came but jim was still tryna get da gun n den he turned around n saw the big guy and the guy said 2 somethin 4 the slurpee he drunk and he started runnin 2 the car and screamin and he jumped n thrw the window lmao that part was da funniest part ever i laughed so hard i started crying lol

~*~ omarionz_bootylicious_liteskinned_chocolate_flavored_dymepeice~*~

*omarion's_wifey4lyfe*

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I laughed so hard on the scene where they were being deported and Dick was running with all the immigrants and then he started shouting " la migra! La migra!" lol that was funnay.

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the beat where the cop rang up jim's home and ask for his id. his son picks it up and answer in spanish. "Hola"
now thats classic

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i love the INDICTED!!!! and of course i believe i can fly

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Those were both great. Now, I'm going to pop out of doorways and shriek "Indicted!"
not a line, but:
How about after getting his new "VP of communications" promotion-
the odd satisfied look on his face?
Jim Carey knows funny faces.

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One of the best lines in the movie:

Frank: "Do you have any idea what I had to go through to get this"?
Dick: "Oh let me guess, a fifth of Scotch!?"

and then Frank blows air in Dick's face? Halarious!

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I like it when Frank goes "Me think somebody made a boo boo" and Dick goes "your sick!" And when they're in that fluroesent shop and Dick goes "I rob this man!". I also like it when he has a sip of beer then goes "Gwaaaaalp". Oh and I cant forget when he goes in that accent "call my wife Yang" and the IRS guy goes "fine we'll call your wife Yang and then we'll call my wife Jennifer and his wife Yakline (pointing to a mexican) and they ring and the kid answers and goes "hola?". Oh yeah and when Jack says "step away from the propellas boy they're gonna chop your head clean off!".

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the best part has to be when frank bascombe was drinking in dicks officein the beginning and then he said his debt/profit story,but it was all a front just to slap him in the face hhahhaha LOL, I laugh my ass off at that and jim ccarreyr response...WUT THE HELL

"frank, frank let go of me, ur scaring me frank."

Give it a 10
http://imdb.com/title/tt0450259/ratings

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How about when they're robbing the coffee shop.... "are these non fat muffins? ARE THEY NON FAT MUFFINS?"

Entering that same coffee shop, Téa leaps and falls over the counter....lol

I laughed at the way Téa laughed when she was in the car....every time Jim's robbery attempts failed.

"One brain freeze, anything else?"

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"INDICTED!!.....INDICTED!!!!..."

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"Nobody try to follow us, we're crazy people! WE'LL KILL YOU ALL!"

"INDICTED!"

Blanca: What's the matter "Retard"?
Dick: Call me Dick

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Not a line, more of a scene but I found the bit where Jane rescued Dick from the prison place and all the mexican migrants ran after him and were all cramming themselves into the car!

For some reason I found this really hysterical! :D

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i love the part after he gets drunk on half a beer and he gets up on the table acting like a puppet and moving around.

"hello.. im a corporate puppet!"

and jane comes up to him and his response on the table

"excuse me, im in a very important meeting right now.."

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I liked the part after I think his name was Bill backs up his car so he can crash into the account manager's car.

'You're parked in a handicapped space.'
"That is not a handicapped space."
'IT IS NOW!'

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ditto, LOVE LOVE Jim!!..."INDICTED!!!" "Honey, they can't...." "INDICTED...!!"

I love the part where Tea goes: "maybe you should steal some Prozac?"

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I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S ACTUALLY CHASING US !


lolol :)

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YES THAT IS BY FAR THE FUNNIEST SCENE IN THE MOVIE, especially his mouth is swollen and he is talking funny so they assume he is spanish.

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Hola!!!

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Love the line "Nobody try to follow us! We're crazy people! AND I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!" The spastic way he says it is just hiliarous

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Giving the old lady a check n she passes Dick the joint lol found that quite funny


I have to go, there's a breast reduction on the fourth floor... I'm gonna go try and stop it.

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Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto!!!

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Dick tells Aus to give him a rain check and Aus yells son of a bitch

This Squirrel died of natural causes.

Dick yells son of a bitch and Jane yells that *beep* and Dick warns her about her langauge.

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He only had a half a beer!

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Dick tells Aus to give him a rain check and Aus yells son of a bitch

This Squirrel died of natural causes.

Dick yells son of a bitch and Jane yells that *beep* and Dick warns her about her langauge.

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by kokobonk
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I laugh sooo hard EVERYtime I watch the part when Dick chases the lady who he forgot to greet at KostMart and she goes, " I saw you you EYEballin me when I came in here, you were all UP IN MY GOODIES." or something like that but it's how she says it that so funny

LOL omg that is the scene that hooked me. The whole KostMart segment had me cracking up and that techno-work-out music was perfect.

"We're all family here at KostMart, but before we get started. I'm gonna need each of you, to piss in one these cups."



They move, Mr. Hughes! Clouds move! That's what they do! They move!.

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Right in the beginning, where the woman tells Dick that "the big boys wants him upstairs". Right after the "congratulations mr. harper" he giggles, and that giggle is the most fun i´ve had in a long time. I laughed so hard! :D

I... Can feel... Again... - Kazuo Kiriyama (I´m crying)

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When Dick is taken for a mexican and gets a call home;
His son goes "Hola"

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I cant believe nobody mention when his neighbour shows to Dick how his Mercedes starts the engine and then he makes fun with his bmw... I dont remember what exactly Dick says.

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