The things I learned watching Howl's Moving Castle...

Hilarious! Thanks for the smiles.

The first thing apprentice wizards learn is how to magically turn into one of the Seven Dwarfs.

One of Princess Mononoke's giant boars must have made it to Howl's place...the average slice of bacon is as large and as thick as a strip steak!

He's fierce in battle and can turn into a scary werewolf/eagle, but he confuses people with his long silky hair, drop-shaped earrings, and his boo-hooing about his ruined looks. So Howl uses both a wand AND a staff, maybe?

When wizards cry not only does their nose need blowing, but so does their arms, legs, face, ears, torso, rectum, feet, etc. etc.!

If you have an appointment at the castle, you have to sign a no-sue agreement before attempting the front door's five stories of stairs.

Sophie's mom seems to be Betty Boop's long lost sister!

Howl's castle is living proof that Super Glue really will stick anything to anything.

The chocolate eclairs are done!

If you want to make a fortune in Sophie's city, open a bakery! Like three or four hundred people jammed in one building. The coffee must be good!

If you want to be on good terms with a fire demon, throw it a few nice yummy egg shells for a snack.

Take it from Turnip-head, Howl, Markl, and Calcifer...guys go nuts for frumpy, straight haired, blandly dressed girls with minimal self-esteem who vacillate in appearance between ages 19 and 90!

Obvious troll, is obvious

Actually they mostly have Tokyo accents.

Another tip might be, don't tidy someone else's bathroom

Upon becoming the victim of ancient and powerful sorcery, a wizard's first priority should be to the welfare of his furniture.

Despite that fact that you've been missing for an indeterminable length of time, and that you would not have been recognised by anyone who knows you, your mother will still know that you've been working as a cleaning lady. Yeah, she's THAT good.

Good things come to those who help elderly dogs climb stairs.

Turnip's will not hold it against you if you tell them that they are your least favourite vegetable. If anything, it makes them even more courteous.

A brief but important trip into the past will cause you to start kissing EVERYONE.

Apparently, big-ass fish are often caught off Port Haven (Seriously, check out the size of the fish next to the fishmonger's stall just before the battleship returns to port. And no-one seems to care!).

They DO sell Lottie-shaped cookies.

You only get one; all the rest are dirty.





I am that Merry Wanderer of the Night

Even if you're a minion made of a blob of tar or a flying shark, make sure you follow the local dress code!

Throwing a tantrum will magically shed years off your face!

Putting your mouth on an ambulatory ball of fire with do no damage whatsoever.

80 year old women with crooked backs and creaky joints still have the strength to lift a 3 foot log off the floor with one hand...while in a sitting position! Bullworker! It WORKS!

If turning from a poufy magician to a fanged bird-human doesn't alarm your enemies, try talking real gravelly like Batman!

If a wizard is really vain and cries about his hair; don't worry. At night he's a steely eyed vigilante who destroyes war machines to prevent war.

If you don't want magical entities from entering your house, just draw a bunch of stick figures with their arms outstretched across your premises.

If a wizard is a Welshman, hastily change his backstory. The Welsh are not cool.

Forget wings and propellers. The future of flying machines are OARS.

You can fry six eggs and six enormous bacons in one little pan.

If I wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I would have gone to bed with Martin Luther