Question about Brown and Black Relationships... - Bend It Like Beckham (2003) Discussion

[–] Dirty_South_Boss 16 years ago

Bumpy! Never done it before, but i was realy hoping for some sort of response here.

"Yes, Im the Man. Yes, I run My City. No, You Cannot Keep Me quiet"- The ATLien

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[–] governess98 16 years ago

There is racism everywhere but from what I hear interracial relationships are tolerated a bit better in the UK than in other places.

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[–] Dirty_South_Boss 16 years ago

Cool....thanks!

"Yes, Im the Man. Yes, I run My City. No, You Cannot Keep Me quiet"- The ATLien

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[–] hungryhungryhippo1990 15 years ago

Brown? Dont know if thats quite PC

I could have my own children.And if they got too loud,I'd put them in the oven.

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[–] vinnychase 15 years ago

Yeah it's pretty stupid to say brown these days, I'm Indian and I have whitish/slight tanned skin along with the rest of my family+extended family. In fact, very few of my Indian friends actually have brown skin. Most of us are whitish/tanned color. But perhaps that's because I'm North Indian. You'll find a lot of South Indians who are really dark.

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[–] rainleaf 15 years ago

^ it doesn't matter what shade of colour you are, if you're South Asian, you're brown. period. Same goes for very light brown blacks still being referred to as black people - it's offering cultural/racial exclusiveness, and not trying to differentiate between "shades". It makes matters way too complicated.

Brown and black relationships are actually quite rare, so it's hard to provide substantial advice. Generally though, tightly-knit brown communities will view you in a different light, although they will offer great hospitality and (sometimes) even begin to accept you two as an interracial couple if you grow to be a part of their social circle. It depends on the kind of people you choose to surround yourself with - some South Asian families like the one you're getting married into are largely accepting of interracial marriages, while some completely abhor the idea.

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[–] Dirty_South_Boss 15 years ago

Thanks for that. And I didn't mean to be offensive with the "Brown" thing....that's just what I hear my girl call herself and her friends. Her family is getting somewhat used to me at this point, but she wants to travel to certain Muslim countries and that just makes me a bit weary. I'm not only American, i'm from the south man. My accent is strong as all hell and I get a little worried about me being on tape and reading a terrorist's manifesto. I guess we'll just see what the fates hold. Thanks for the input though, I really do appreciate it.

"Yes, Im the Man. Yes, I run My City. No, You Cannot Keep Me quiet"- The ATLien

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[–] tracyfigueira 15 years ago

Where I live South Asians are officially counted as white. I found that out when I applied for a job at the public library. Our city government requires all job applicants to fill out a form with personal information including race, etc., and South Asians, as well as people from the Middle East and North Africa, are officially classified as "white." I know it sounds insane but believe me it is true.

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[–] Weird_and_Proud1 10 years ago

but she wants to travel to certain Muslim countries and that just makes me a bit weary. I'm not only American, i'm from the south man. My accent is strong as all hell and I get a little worried about me being on tape and reading a terrorist's manifesto.

For someone who's worried about being subjected to racism you don't seem to have a problem being nonchalantly racist yourself.

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[–] activista 10 years ago

For real "reading a terrorist's manifesto"---where the hell did THAT come from? Makes NO damn sense what he said there at all.

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[–] darker_fae 15 years ago

Are brown people called Paki's by whites often? How do they usually respond?
I don't know what I would do. I'm Sri Lankan American and that happened to me only she wasn't white, she was African and she said that. I tried telling people that, but they just laughed it off. Blacks are treated well in America and if anyone said anything offensive, they'd be charged with a hate crime or beat up because African Americans have had it tough and I feel horrible for the way they were treated, I do, but that doesn't make her better than me. At least, that's what I thought before; now I'm not sure.

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[–] Arsenal1508 15 years ago

Generally though, tightly-knit brown communities will view you in a different light, although they will offer great hospitality and (sometimes) even begin to accept you two as an interracial couple if you grow to be a part of their social circle.

Bullsh*t

To the original thread poster. I'm just saying...you'll never be accepted in their social circle. Your wife would be referred as the one that disgraced the family and went with the black guy.
Trust me, if the family is active in the asian community and go to functions...they won't do so if their daughter marries a black person. I'm Indian, not Pakistani...but I assume they're as close in cultural terms as Indians.

It's ok to have friends...but never to have relationships. That's how are culture basically is. It's racist yeah...but hey...the majority of blacks are just as racist in that sense as browns.

We all know there are a lot of civil, smart, and well spoken blacks. However, its those ghetto blacks hoodlums that have messed up your reputation.

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[–] svcreddy_91 15 years ago

^ agreed

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[–] Dirty_South_Boss 15 years ago

Ok, that's pretty offensive. First of all, the "Black reputation" is fine as far as i'm concerned. When someone is considered ignorant, they are just that., ignorant. I like to think that most people know enough about the world to recognize that there are embarrassments in every race; that ignorance, poor behavior and criminal activity are products of several personal and social factors, not tied to a particular race or culture. As for her socialite parents, me and her have both agreed that if they have an issue with what makes their daughter happy, then that's their problem. Not ours. I don't give a damn about what is perceived to be the "Black Reputation". If someone refuses to see me for my personal opinions and decisions, then they are entirely idiotic and not worth the effort it would take to educate them. To say that there are well educated and well spoken blacks (or however you put it) as though they are considered to be the minority of the Black population is needlessly disrespectful. You, clearly being of a race of culture and intelligence, should know better. That's if you believe your own bullshyt

Thanks to the honest, yet tasteful responses I received.

Thanks to the rest for shortening the list of moronic and rude people I will have to meet in this life, hopefully I can avoid you.......

"Yes, Im the Man. Yes, I run My City. No, You Cannot Keep Me quiet"- The ATLien

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[–] Arsenal1508 15 years ago

Hey...I was just being honest.

You should expect that sort of attitude when you meet her relatives...or if you do so.

That's how the general culture sees Black people. For example...we all get severly pissed off when we hear brown people getting shot down in gas stations etc...mostly...the criminals were black.

Look, it'll be hard to change the mind of their parents...especially if they're against it. For the general part..most asian families keep their culture through generation after generation. They want them to marry within their own race. They don't want to admit out aloud...but they're all closet racists. Sure, we'll have friends of different races, but we wouldn't approve of daugters, sons, sisters, brothers marrying outside their race.

Just like in Bend it Like Beckham when Parminder Nagra's character spoke about the race issue in the dressing room....blacks "eh eh."

You should ask you partner to read this read and she'll agree with my viewpoint. It may be ignorant...but it's the truth.

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[–] Dirty_South_Boss 15 years ago

Considering your still attempting to justify prejudice, I'll respectfully thank you for your opinion and leave it at that. Be blessed shawty

"Yes, Im the Man. Yes, I run My City. No, You Cannot Keep Me quiet"- The ATLien

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[–] Arsenal1508 15 years ago

Your an idiot if you think I'm trying to justify prejudice. I'm simply just stating the facts and trying to get you prepared for what our culture is generally like.

Heck...even I myself find different races attractive. But I don't think I'd ever cross the line for fear of what it'd do to my family.

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[–] Dirty_South_Boss 15 years ago

"That's how the general culture sees Black people. For example...we all get severly pissed off when we hear brown people getting shot down in gas stations etc...mostly...the criminals were black."

If you did any research at all on this claim, you'd know that 76% of gas station robberies are done by white substance abusers. So either the perception of your people is wrong, or you have a streak of bigotry in you that you're trying to assimilate with the views your people...either way, thanks for the info! And for the record, we don' care to convince anyone. I'd be nice to have their blessings, but we clearly don't need it.

"Yes, Im the Man. Yes, I run My City. No, You Cannot Keep Me quiet"- The ATLien

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[–] Arsenal1508 15 years ago

You know you won't care...but deep down, you partner will. This is her parents for godsakes...the ones that raised her no?

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[–] Dirty_South_Boss 15 years ago

Yes, the same ones. And you know what? If they truly love their child, more than they do some cultural mores they feel they have to uphold, they would be happy for her. Long, long time fron now, when her parents are dead, the choices my lady makes will have to be square with her. She would only have herself to blame for any disappointments or regrets that she'd feel, not her parents. And she knows this. She loves herself enough to know that she has to make herself happy, not like the other brainless sheep who live miserable lives just to appear "proper" to heir social circles. But i guess you don't get that, huh? Sounds like your the type that doesn't have the balls to live your own life....I don't blame you though, it must be loads easier to live when someone else makes all the decisions..

"Yes, Im the Man. Yes, I run My City. No, You Cannot Keep Me quiet"- The ATLien

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[–] Arsenal1508 15 years ago

There is a thing called being filial to one's parents. It's not exactly common in other social circles like asian cultures.

Guess that's just the difference. To me...you just seem too narrow minded to understand it because you want to force your own philosophy onto theirs.

It's about preservation of one's culture through time...not to forget it. You hear some mixed raced saying..."oh yes, I had a Grandfather that was Indian blah blah blah"...but they don't know how to speak the language and have forgotten the rich culture.

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[–] SexySamosa 15 years ago

Arsenal1508, have you noticed it is common on this board for people to ask provocative questions and bring up touchy subjects, then they get all offended when they don't get the answers they want to hear? That's what we have with the OP here who is a sockpuppet for the kalu troll VaDirtySouth. Do you actually think that a kaffir and a kalu at that would be in a relationship with any 1st generation Pakistani girl and he would need to come on IMDB to discuss this matter. LOL!@ Believe me he would've been all "discussed" out from her friends and family within the first minutes of meeting them!

VaDirtySouth has a fetish for Desi women and he trolls these boards looking to start with us because Black / Desi relationships are frowned upon. He needs to get a life.

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[–] Dirty_South_Boss 15 years ago

Yeah, check the history of my posts...that's clearly my pattern......(rolls eyes). I asked provocative question in the hope for honest yet polite responses....is it necessary to be rude to be persuasive? I think not.

"Yes, Im the Man. Yes, I run My City. No, You Cannot Keep Me quiet"- The ATLien

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[–] MysteryReaderReturns 15 years ago

Dirty,
I'd just forget about them...they're racists & a waste of time. To them, you're seen as a manipulator, tainting the purity of a brown girl with your blackness. That's it. You're not as human as they are. If their cultures were important, perhaps they shouldn't move into diverse regions, especially the West.

http://dearsuicide.blogspot.com/ Where DEATH is still celebrated

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[–] 15 years ago

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[–] LiveTogetherDialAPhone 14 years ago

"It's about preservation of one's culture through time...not to forget it. You hear some mixed raced saying..."oh yes, I had a Grandfather that was Indian blah blah blah"...but they don't know how to speak the language and have forgotten the rich culture."

Well, what do they expect? They moved to the UK, the US, or some other country in search of better opportunity, where the dominant culture is very different from their original culture. No one can have their cake and eat it too. What do they think is going to happen to their family after several generations of living in that society? It has happened time and time again, throughout history - Assimilation is not a new concept.

And anyway, just because one assimilates into a new culture doesn't mean they have to forget their ancestral culture. People are free to practise their ancestral religion, learn to speak their ancestral language, visit the lands of their ancestors, cook the foods, and appreciate the art and music. All of my ancestors came to the United States over a century ago, and in some cases three centuries ago. I still enjoy learning about and taking pride in the cultures they came from.

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[–] 14 years ago

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[–] lolavideola 15 years ago

Hey Dirty,
I am a white girl married to an Indian guy. Indian/pakistani culture are nearly the same in this regard. They are both extremely racist. ESPECIALLY against blacks. They do view black people as inferior. Their mindset to this day is: "God forbid that my daughter/son marry a black!!!!"
Heck they are even prejudiced against whites, so black people don't stand much chance. BUT once her family/community gets to know you as a person, they will definitely warm up to you and realise how stupid their prejudices are.
Their communities and mind-set(especially those settled in the west/UK) are extremely insular because they are fighting against losing their cultural identity.
Hope this helps.

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[–] XxLu-LuXx 15 years ago

I hate to say it but it is true.....if you are english you might of read books by an authour called Bali Rai in his book called 'The Last Taboo' it talks about a british asian teenager who goes out with a black person and most of her extended family think that it is terrible thing.
The writer Bali Rai message is basically that if you love someone their race shouldn't matter and the grandpa agrred with the young asian teen becuase in the old days jamicans and asians were seen as equal becuase of the skineheads at that time and they were both united and fought aganist them......anyway lol what im trying to say is that a lot of asian family would think an asian woman marrying a black person is a 'taboo'. I however disagree with this...but its just how things are.

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[–] phillycaesar 15 years ago

"in the old days jamicans and asians were seen as equal becuase of the skineheads at that time and they were both united and fought aganist them...."

Evidently you know very little, if anything, about skinheads and their relations with Jamaicans and South Asians "back in the day."

The skinhead subculture was heavily influenced by the Jamaican rudeboy subculture (music and fashions) and "paki bashing" became a pastime which was shared by many British working-class youth, both black and white.

Despite whatever efforts and propaganda, British blacks feel little affinity with South Asians.

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[–] Dirty_South_Boss 15 years ago

Wow, looks like I got the poignant replies right at the end. Thanks so much guys, I really appreciate it. My lady is now 3 months pregnant and we couldn't be happier.

"Yes, Im the Man. Yes, I run My City. No, You Cannot Keep Me quiet"- The ATLien

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[–] 15 years ago

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[–] Sunstone61 14 years ago

What religion is the child going to be raised in? Just curious.

~May peace rain down from Heaven~

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[–] Dirty_South_Boss 14 years ago

Thats definitely something we're trying to wrap our heads around. I suppose that she'll be exposed to everything and her mother and I will do our best to place things in a proper context and make connections between the two as best we see fit. Ultimately, our children will always be allowed to express whatever they feel to be their particular spiritual calling. No religion(if any) gets it just right anyway....

"Yes, Im the Man. Yes, I run My City. No, You Cannot Keep Me quiet"- The ATLien

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[–] Screen-7 14 years ago

>> Dirty_South_Boss on Tue Oct 14 2008 11:29:57
>> Basically, i am a Black Christian male about to be married to a Pakistani-American, Muslim Female

It's probably not the race-mixing but the religion that would make it an issue for conservative Muslims.

Specifically that a Christian man would marry a Muslim woman.

I've lived in several Muslim countries and they all ban Muslim women marrying anyone but a Muslim. (not just a Christian.)

The reverse is fine (Muslim men marrying a woman of another religion) and even seems kind of encouraged.

Try Googling the subject -- it's in the news fairly often.

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[–] 14 years ago

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[–] jefgg 11 years ago

I'm an American. I heard a lot of Indian immigrants don't like African-Americans. I don't know how accurate that is. I try to mind my own business.

You should watch the movie "Mississippi Masala".

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[–] manofsteel4455 10 years ago

Indians only seem to favor white people.

You want to play the game, you'd better know the rules, love.
-Harry Callahan

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[–] surpan 8 years ago

It has been seven years since you've asked the question, now tell us how's your relationship with your in-laws and partner is going on, did you face any difficulty or it worked out fine, I'm eager to know this.

-Oh lord, Do we have the strength to carry on this task in one night? Or are we just jerking off.

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[–] cyguration (3844) 2 years ago

I guess this one is never going to get answered, sadly.

(If I had to take a guess, they're either probably divorced or separated by now)

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[–] overseas7 (3524) 2 years ago

Most probably we will never know.

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