child porn, but enjoyable

Do you wish that you were more active in forming romantic relationships when you were a child? Then the 1997 Danish film Ogginoggen seems to be made for the gratification of people like you.

The story deals with a dance school. The students are all breast-undeveloped girls and treble-voiced boys. The children are instructed not only in the finer points of social dance, but in the graceful gestures of bowing and curtsying, and in many other matters which most adults save until later.

But don’t believe all the messages conveyed in this movie. The producers may admit that the story is fictional, but even a work fiction becomes dishonest when it asks the public to believe messages which are not true. And I doubt very seriously that very many teachers, in Denmark or anywhere else, instruct elementary school girls on finding the perfect man—or that very many parents carefully cultivate children’s relationships are commonly derided as “puppy love”—or that very many children discuss their innermost feelings with their dance partners—or that very many children spontaneously hug and kiss their dance partners.

The film opens with Ida’s mother sewing a a dance costume for Ida. The two are talking about love. During the conversation, the mother says, “God sends a shooting star when two people fall in love.” When the costume is finished, Ida takes off the dress which she is wearing, thereby gracing us with a sight of her two cute little chu-chu’s, and tries on the new dress.

In the next sequence, Ida is taking and her classmate Klara are rowing a canoe. At the boat dock, they overhear a flirtation between two adults and understand every word.

Next, we see the two girls in a shower scene. (After all, everybody knows that it’s necessary to take a shower after a canoe ride!) Our wonderful camera operater gives us a full ventral view of both girls and a full dorsal view of both girls. While taking the shower, the girls plan to hide male classmate Kristoffer’s costume by throwing it through the attic access.

Cut to the costume room, where the two girls carry out their nefarious plan. They are wearing minimum length frocks, so we see not only their lovely thighs, but Ida’s clean white underwear when she sits on Klara’s shoulders.

The last event is a contest at the school. The girls are all glittered JonBenet style, the boys are all immaculately groomed, and they all make a grand entrance.

During the event, Klara and Kristoffer pair off as partners and win the contest. Kristoffer had previously been enamored with Ida, and at this time, Ida becomes enamored with Kristoffer. She confides her feelings to her mother, who tells her, “He’s yours, and you can take him from anybody. But only if you really mean it, do you?” Ida responds in the affirmative.

True to her mother’s counsel, Ida steals Kristoffer back from Klara. The matron of the school, deeply touched, declares this as a case of “true love.” In a matter of minutes, everyone in the room but Ida’s treasonous friend becomes entranced. Everyone clears the floor so that the blessed couple could perform a pas de deux. They finally whirl outside through the doorway. There we see a shooting star falling from the sky, sealing their love for all eternity.

Never mind the highly respected hypothesis by Edvard Westermarck, which predicts that childhood romances are unlikely to last past puberty.