Well, I still am in love with him. I wish everyday I was male just so I could be with him. I'm friends with him, and of course, I realize that's all we'll ever be. He just doesn't know I'm suffering inside, but I don't want to tell him and make him feel uncomfortable. Lost cause. I wish genders didn't exist and souls just fell in love with souls.
I don't know what to do.
There should definitely be a support group for this.. lol
My best friend is gay.. we met in kindergarten and have been inseperable ever since. He confided this to me recently, and though I thought it would change the way I felt somehow it didn't. We're seniors in h/s right now and this fall we're getting an apartment together for college. I know this is the farthest thing from healthy and won't help me move on, but when he suggested it to me I found myself unable to say no. We loved each other (as friends) before we even knew what sex was, before we even understood gender roles. So I guess I'm hoping that love will transcend stupid boundaries like sexuality; I've always believed that people are born gay or straight, but I think there can also be exceptions.. especially in this situation. I know I'm sounding naive, but if anyone has ever heard the expression "Never give up on something that makes you smile," he still makes me smile, and as long as I feel this way I see no point in trying to repress it. But I can't bring myself to tell him..
That's exactly it, nothing gold. If you like being around him keep being his friend. That's what I'm doing. There will always be negative people (many on this board) who tell you to "move on" with your life. Well, our lives go on whether we try to stop them or not. I have even had people say that I shouldn't even keep up a friendship with the object of my affection, but the way I see it, the only thing that would really be accomplished by completely turning away from him is that I no longer have in my life one of the few people I can really consider a decent friend. Actual good decent friends are too few and far between in my case to just throw one away for the sake of "political correctness" or whatever social code of ethics I'm supposed to be following. Since the day I knew he could never be the one for me I have never stopped looking for the next OMA and if I'm lucky enough to find him a second time and it turns out to be right for both of us I know my first love will be there to support me and be just as happy for me as I am.
shareHey, I think I could relate to that to some degree. I had a HUGE crush on this guy - actually two guys - who both were straight and I wished that something like you said could happen, souls with souls.
If you started your relationship as friends and then it became a strong friendship, you would want to keep that going, because when boy or girl friends go, friends stay. When you're sad they comfort you, when you're happy they're happy for you. I would say that you would have to respect his sexual preferences and support him and be there for him always, because if you have great friendship, it's worth the world. I'm sure that you'll find a great person who thinks the same about you, if you look more. Believe me it's gonna be worth it when it comes.
As a person who had gone through that not only once but twice, I'd tell you it MIGHT hurt so much if you cling to much to him. The first time it happened to me, happened with a colleague who hadn't had any previous relations to me, but the second one was a fall for a friend. However, I did nothing about that and ignored it because it would have happened. Now, I'm quite happy with the choices that I made, me and the second guy are very close friends and life is going great especially when you look at it from a positive view.
I hope I helped.
wise_aussie
When I found myself in this situation, I started looking for songs that reflected my situation and I found out there were none, is a market that has not been exploited. And I think it happens a lot!
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
Please don't go away, I need you now
Probably any song about unrequited love would fit. There are plenty of those, I listened to a few in heavy rotation :)
shareI know how you feel. I fell for a gay guy too.
I was really crushed because he came out after I fell in love with him.
But I think ....
Even if I was gay.. there is no gurantee that he would have liked me
Even if he was straight there is no gurantee that he would have liked me. He could have been with me and left me for another woman or something like that etc.....
so maybe it's all for the best that my love is unrequited. There is this perfect guy that I could never have due to no fault of his or mine.
That's the bottom line I suppose. I pretty much take comfort in that logic myself. Even if circumstances were different, I always remind myself that something else could have made a relationship between us unlikely.
sharewow... just reading all these responses have overwhelmed me. i am in love with a gay guy too... we "were together" in middle school. spoke a few times here and there in high school, and when i really realized that i truly loved him at my sixteenth birthday party, a week later he comes out to me. it was the biggest crushing moment of my life, especially because the reason why i fell in love with him in the first place had been because he was the first person to put a huge smile on my face and make me laugh after a terrible year of high school that i had endured... and now the confession just made me go back into the severe state of depression i thought had passed.
four years later i haven't met anyone since who can compare to him, and i still think about him a lot even though i don't talk to him anymore. but i try to think of the situation of him being "dead to me" because sadly that's the only thing that can really comfort me about it... pretending he's not around anymore so that "what could have been" could never be. but no matter what, i know he really is still around and it still hurts inside.
Unfortunately, turning off your feelings doesn't always work, as you've found out. They may always be there. I comfort myself by saying that it's allright to have them. No matter what anyone might say about it being unhealthy to dwell or think about someone you can never have I take comfort in the fact that someone has been able to touch my heart this much. Sometimes it is still hard to believe I will ever have the chance to feel this way again, but there's nothing I can do about it one way or the other. I have never tried to make him feel something for me that he won't, or lay a guilt trip on him because I would have liked to have more out of the relationship. I live my life the way I always have and hope that there's someone else out there like him, with all the qualities I love about him--even including the qualities I could do without :)--
It is alright to love someone, juicyprincess. It's better than hate, and if you have the capacity to love, you're far better off than some people. Just don't let the love eat away at your hope and make it hard to accept your friend for who he is. He probably needs you now more than ever and believe it or not, it takes trust for your gay friend to admit who he is to you of all people.
I'm in love with my gay best friend, and he is aware of it, he's in love with me too, he's just not sexually attracted to me. It makes sense to us, but I do wish sometimes that we could just have one night together. We've kissed before and it was amazing, but we were both drunk and brushed it off the next day. I'll never forget though. I don't mind seeing him with men, I just want him to be happy, but I fear I'll never love anyone like I love him. He's like my personal sun.
when you can live forever, what do you live for?
hl.br.rp.
[deleted]
I can you live with it ? I mean, I've been in love with my gay best friend for more than a year now and it's so hard to deal with it everyday...He knows, I told him twice actually...of course it ruined something but we're doing great now. We've been living together for one year and a half now and i just can seem to fall in love with other men, I'm not even attracted by them.
He has already dated and slept with girls and he has been in a relationship with the same man for a long time now... How do I know that we're never going to be together while we already shared a life together ?
julie2805: oh my I really don't think you should live with him that will just make it a lot harder, because he's there with you everyday, sharing a life but you can't reallly have him.... if you feel what I once felt for my guy, a killing desire to cuddle in his arms, to kiss him, to... so many things... and if you have to see him everyday knowing you will never be able to do it will kill you. You need some distance from him. That's my piece of advice.
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It took me nearly five years but I think I'm finally over him... a few months ago I got a chance to be with him and his new boyfriend, and I saw them kiss (the first time I saw two men kiss) and I was incredible ok about it, I couldn't believe I felt so great. And I haven't had a relapse since that and it's been four months, I'm just so happy and what I love the most about all of this is that I think we're actually friends now! But I really want to fall in love again it's been five years!
Regresa tu mirada... que ya no me desarma... Yo ya no te quiero nada
I think I do feel the same, I need to be with him, to cuddle him, to smell his perfume, etc... It's actually killing me in a way. It takes away my joy. He is in a relationship which is pretty unstable and I have trouble dealing with it because it seems like he can handle the tow relationships, when it's okay with is boyfriend things are bad with me and vice versa. I can't bear the idea to stop living with him, it would like losing the pseudo couple relationship that we have but deep down I know it's destroying me and avoiding me to meet somebody else.
I'm glad that you moved on because I imagine how difficult it was to basically try to forget your soul mate and I wish that someday I could be happy for him when he'll be in a serious relationship but right now it just feels impossible.
If you want to talk about it more in private I'd be happy !
I have always thought, and I could be wrong that every gay person can have what I call a 'soft spot' for a member of the opposite sex. Meaning it is not being in love or having a crush but it is the feeling that "Hmm, if I was straight, he/she would be the one" type of strong feeling. Someone else put it good in that her friend was in love with her but just not sexually attracted, I think it is like that. If you have ever seen "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar" I think that is similar to how Patrick Swayze's character felt about Stockard Channing. They obviously had a special bond but you could tell when he asked her "Come with us" that if things were just slightly altered, they might have possibly gotten together.
My husband is the band director in our town. He has a few kids that are bi or gay. One young man in particular and I have become quite close friends. For some reason that kid loves to be around me and I count him as a friend even though he is a teenager(he is very mature)I am not in love with him but I think to myself "If I was 16 and he was straight, maybe." I get the idea that he probably thinks that way about me. "Well, if she was my age and I was straight, I would go for her." We have just always 'got each other' if you will.
Does anyone see what I am saying and agree? Do homosexuals have my presumed 'soft spot?'
Oh
My
God
Congratulations, everybody. I can't remember laughing so hysterically at any thread on iMDB, even if the humor was unintentional. Can't help but LOVE the message of this movie, by the way, which seems to be, "Hey, so you got knocked up. Don't marry that awful meat-eating, porn-watching, misogynistic, heterosexual man. Gays are better people, and make better fathers." And, you lemmings just go along with the whole program, like, "Oh, I can SO relate to this movie. I'm in love with a gay man."
Um. I think it takes two people to be in love. And, uh, ...well, I think sexual attraction is pretty much an essential ingredient in love. Whatever emotions you may be feeling, it isn't being in love. It's more like total confusion, and denial.
"Hobson, I'm going to take a bath." "I'll alert the media."
lol I had to laugh at your last comment. Funny stuff.
Um unrequited love is hard regardless of sexual orientation so my suggestion is to do yourself a favor and extract yourself from the situation. Spend less time together with the gay guy, get over him first them try having a healthy friendship.
http://wilhelminaslater.blogspot.com/
All of the women bemoaning the fact they fell in love with a gay guy, do you realise that if you just rolled over and took it like a man he may be interested in a little rumpy pumpy with you?
shareI wish genders didn't exist and souls just fell in love with souls.
I'd advise you get therapy if you can't accept who he is and enjoy him as a friend. Don't get stupid like someone suggested and get any type of surgery because if he doesn't love you as a woman he probably sure won't if you are a "man". You might get the courage some time to express your feelings toward him to see where that might go.