Well, I still am in love with him. I wish everyday I was male just so I could be with him. I'm friends with him, and of course, I realize that's all we'll ever be. He just doesn't know I'm suffering inside, but I don't want to tell him and make him feel uncomfortable. Lost cause. I wish genders didn't exist and souls just fell in love with souls.
I don't know what to do.
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but he's gay...
shareMy best friend is gay and I've talked to him before about it.. he agrees with me.. you can't help whom you fall in love with, love happens and has no boundaries he may prefer men and you may prefer men but it's possible for you both to fall in love with a girl.
shareIn all seriousness, there ARE surgeries that can be performed...I guess the question becomes how far would you go for this gay man?
shareIt's actually kind of funny, because I have a friend who is in the EXACT same situation as the OP...with me. Yea, I'm gay and one of my best friends told me a few weeks ago that she has a major crush on me. I felt really bad because I hate turning people down, but obviously I had to because I don't like women. But I did tell her that if I was straight I knew i would have felt the same way about her
It's hard to be cute when you're sleepy
Wow this is a lot more common then I thought it was! They should have a support group. Anyways I was engaged to a gay man. seeing someone else, a straight someone else, who is unaware, I mean he knew I was engaged (10 months) but he dosn't know to whom. He is still always on my mind.......
Georgie<3
interesting update. so i randomly met this wonderful guy in a diner while I was with my friends over the weekend. his name was Josh and he was gay. he was even "married" to a lovely man we met later. we talked for a while about many different subjects, and then I told him about how i had fallen in love with a gay man, and asked him to reply honestly if he felt he could ever fall in love with a woman. he said of course, it just depends who. if a woman comes along and blows him away, there's no telling what could happen. he said it's possible.
now i don't know if he just said that to keep my heart from remaining broken...i mean, if it is true, what he said, its probably on the Very rare side. like i said before, gender seems like such a barrier, and it pisses me off. i consider myself a primarily straight woman, however i have met and gotten to know women who i found attractive (both physically and emotionally), and if gender perception wasn't such a big issue along with orientation and this societal yearning to confine and classify everyone into categories, well...I may have been with them.
but here I am, bemoaning my love for a gay man. hm. what's even more aggravating is i keep thinking if i just try harder, if i just look better, if im just wittier, improve on this and that - he'll like me. my mind knows that its strictly his biology that has made him homosexual. my heart, however, is in such denial. it just won't let this go. ive been depressed for two months about this. people say get a hobby. i mean of course, im pulling through...it's just he's so special to me.
and YES. there should be a support group! hah.
I agree with alot of what you said periwinkle. I know that "The Object of My Affection" will never feel the same way about me that I do about him, but sometimes I think that one day he will at least be interested in being with me even for a little while. Maybe he will be as lonely as I am and turn to me for comfort. I also would be a member of that particular support group. I wish I could be with him. He knows how I feel and I know he feels bad that he can't like me the same way. It is a strange phenomenon, the straight girl/gay guy love thing. It's probably easy to see why we like them. They actually listen to us when we talk and care about our feelings I guess. I knew he was gay before he told me and before I fell in love with him. I wanted to hang out with him when I first met him and I knew there was a possibility he wouldn't be interested anyway, but it is still hard. Of all the guys from my past he is the only one I have ever actually been in love with. Sometimes it's hard to believe I will ever feel this way about anyone else, but I hope there is still a chance for me out there.
shareYeah, my first love turned out to be gay, didnt find out til 1 year and 2 months into dating. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through because I was so in love with him, we had planned our wedding and all that stuff. We broke up like 4 years ago and we have remained best friends ever since and see eachother all the time, and for the past 2 years, I've been telling myself that I am completely over him but I think I've finally come to realize that I'll probably never fully be over him. You know what they say, you never forget your first love. I know there is no point in telling him though because it would just make him feel uncomfortable. But I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly fine being his best friend, I love all the time we spend together, but I know if we were actually "together" I would be the happiest girl in the world. And I'm scared that I'll never find another guy that will compare to him.
sharewow, there are alot of us who have done the whole 'falling for a gay guy' thing. Im still very close to 'the object of my affection' and i always tell myself im over him...and i think i am...its not him, but the idea of him that i love (if that makes seanse) the best thing i ever did to get over him was go a different uni to him, get some space...but its still so hard, esp when he has a boy friend and i havent gone out with anybody since. Oh well. Like Nina says, it all becomes friendship anyway.
xxx
Falling in love with a gay person if you are straight will only lead to heartache. Be friends for a lifetime, but forget about anything else, you cannot change a person, gay or straight!
share^Completely agree on that!
I was so ok, I guess that one of the big reasons, was that it was so many years ago that I forgot what it was like to be with him, the bad thing is that I remembered... I had too much free time and suddenly everything came back to me... a setback... just when I thought I'd never relapse again... but I'm ok now fortunately!
Regresa tu mirada... que ya no me desarma... Yo ya no te quiero nada
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Your living in fantasy land. How many straight guys do you know that fall in love with other men?
It's the same principle, ain't never gonna happen. That's why he's gay, if he could fall for women he would be bisexual.
Not always, there are different cases, because people are different in this world. You can say you hate strawberry ice cream all your life, and never try it, always thinking you hate it, then one day, you see it looking all tempting and u try it and u just might like it. Some people (I feel more than admit it) are bisexual and never know it because they remain liking their designated gender. And if a gay guy has a one night stand (or multiple) w a woman is he bi, not necessarily, depends on how he identifies himself.
shareI think you seem like a wonderful person. Even though this situation may not work out as you hope it will, I think that it's important to realize how good it is that you are able to love someone that strongly. The way are able to open your heart will no doubt lead you to find someone new to love; someone who will love you too!
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Mom, is that you?
shareSame, happened to me like three times. Very awkward, but if i was straight, I wouldn't date any of them or feel the same about them, not because I'm not attracted to them sexually, but because I didn't like them as people and wasn't attracted to their personalities.
if I was straight I knew i would have felt the same way about her
In all seriousness, there ARE surgeries that can be performed...I guess the question becomes how far would you go for this gay man?
Not a surprise. That's the majority of women who like to fall for whatever they can't or shouldn't have. Either it's a guy who's already in a relationship, or an abusive cruel guy, or a guy who just plain isn't into girls at all. The more wrong the better.
shareSpeaking for myself, falling in love is something that can't be explained or controlled. And the truth is, though it may not be the kind of love I'd hoped to have with him, I already have all I could ever hope for and that is his friendship. It's better than not seeing him or being around him at all. As for my love for him, if that's a terrible thing then I guess I'm a deplorable person. It's possible to love your friends too and despite what some might believe my love is not something I give to just anyone. I care for him as he is and wouldn't change my feelings or having gotten to know him. He's the best friend I've had in a long time, and that alone makes him an original, not someone I want just because I can't have him. I do have him. It's wonderful.
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That's not the rule for girls that have fallen in love with gay guys. I fell in love with my best friend. He's just amazing and he liked girls, we used to talk about girls and I used to be dead jelaous.. but when we were feeling things for each other and like, "going somewhere".. you know, "about to".. he starts to get really excited with this new, out-of-the-blue guy.. and they fell in love and well, it was just frustrating.. and unfair.. and I just hope that you get that I didn't fall for him because he was unreachable, but because it was him.. but he just happend to be gay now.
shareHey, I haven't been here in a while, and well I'm a having a bit of a relapse, the last time I was here I was very well... today not so much.
During the weekend I saw the movie again, just a bit, and I finally realised why is it that I don't feel identified with this movie. It's because I didn't fell in love with a gay man (in the movie Nina knows all along he is gay), is because I fell for a man that turned out to be gay (mind you I found out four years!!! after we met) the lack of trust also hurt and well the fact that I'm pretty sure everybody knew before I did.
I saw him recently, an event I thought it might never occur again. I was dead nervous, we were going to see each other at a party (where he's gay friends were) and suprisingly I didn't feel anything when I saw him hugging his gay friends though that's all that happened no kisses or holding hands. And I had an awesome time, I realised that I miss my friend a lot, and well that there's a bit of me that still loves him, pretty sure always will.
juicyprincess i found myself kind of related to your story, because I know that seeing him was one of the causes of my relapse, and I know the best thing I could to get over this is to never talk to him again having "be dead to me" like you, but I just can't. And also like you I've been searching for somebody for four years, have not found anyone either... well I found someone close, of course he didn't like me and I know I fret that is because.... I think you've guessed, yes I fear he's gay too.
Hoy tengo miedo de salirte a buscar... Tengo miedo de poderte encontrar...
I can relate too. I'm not sure if we have the same situation though. We dated for two years and I was given a promise ring, then not long after that he came out. It was a very heart breaking situation, and almost three years later I am still trying to cope with the fact that he's gone and messed me up pretty bad. Don't feel bad, I want you to know that there are other girls out there who like you, fell in love with a gay man.
shareAre you kidding with this feeling sorry for yourself?
10% of the population is gay. That leaves straight men and women with 90% of the population to potentially find love. Our sea is a hell of a lot smaller than yours. Get off your butt, stop crying, and get out there.
well i watched this movie and i liked the end because it's realistic,you can't have everything.once i liked a gay friend of mine but i know this is impossible so i stopped thinking about him,went out with my friends and met my fiancee.i knew ti was impossible even i would be somehow end up with him,how can i know he won't be seeing guys any more? it's always better to be realistic.
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Is that 90% the actual figure after you've excluded people who aren't single and those with racial preferences?
It's interesting to me that people have so much wisdom for other people and subjects they know nothing about.
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...yeah, all of the broken hearts taken into consideration...but no one mentions that the state in the matter, the unrequited love due to sexual orientation thing, is exactly what most of your "objects of affection" grew up into.... I mean having 90% or whatever, let's just say much larger portion of the population heterosexual, gay people will have lodes of unrequited crushes/loves for a better part of their adolescency, if not even lives (that is except they go to special schools where only gay people are allowed, and thus the unrequited chances lessened) and you rarely hear them moaning about it...it's just cause they start getting used to it earlier. So what about the support group for gay people who fall in love with the str8 ones?! It just doesn't seem fair moaning about it...
I do understand the other side...I mean it's strange to me and didn't quite work...the supposable curse lifting statement "he's gay"...when you come to think of it, it doesn't really change a whole lot about a person (unless you have a problem with gay people, which I guess people who fall in love with them obviously do not have :) unless you wanna try some freudian theory, some of which I do respect, but still lets just set them a side in this simple matter)...it doesn't change a god damn thing actually, the smiles, faces, nor the thoughts or actions that got us stuck on the person to begin with. But it certainly is more effective (though kind a robotic, automatic, to me at least) to give those categories significance, and have a mind in which this sentence, this simple declaration of one characteristic can have a meaning big enough to bring closure.
....and yet once again, all of these cases are nothing special at all, it's just falling for some one who isn't into you...happens all the time. Doesn't make the thing any easier when you're living it, but is still good to keep in mind.
I know what you mean. One of the sweetest, kindest, bravest, most amazing men in my life is my "gay husband." And yes there are plenty of times I wish he was straight or at least "confused" so we could be...together.
But then I realize that part of what I love about him is the fact that he calls me "Kitten" and he agrees that Judy Garland singing "The Man That Got Away" is one of the best moments on film (stereotypical, but true) and that he bakes me pecan bars when I'm sick (he's a chef) and that we can talk about sex and politics and the newest trends in wedding cakes and websites (I'm a webmaster)and cats vs. dogs (He's team dogs, I'm team cats). If we dated, we'd eventually break up. This way I can date and break up with other guys and drown my sorrows in his hugs and chocolate chip cookies.
The point? Enjoy his soul. And cherish it for the gift that it is.
Viva La BBM!
It's also not fair to generalize all people posting opinions on this subject as "moaners" or "whiners" who aren't otherwise attempting to live their lives, both with and without their gay friend, AKA "object of affection"
shareAmen, girl - that's the way to go.
Met my (eventual) "gay husband" when we were cast as an engaged couple in a play. First time I was going to have to kiss someone onstage, btw - so I was already nervous enough when we were introduced. Best thing he ever did? Introduce me to his partner!
Remember - crushes are fleeting - friendship is forever! And - from an acting standpoint - it has made life so much easier! (And when there's a "Ladies Night Out" - well, let me just say one word: "gay-dar"!)
I fell in love with a gay man too...
It was all platonic, it happened 4 years ago, we were in higschool. At the time I thought he could never like me because he liked another girl. We stayed friends after highschool and I never noticed anything. It was barely 5 months ago that I found out, and it hit me a lot harder than I expected to, it was platonic but he still is the man I have loved the most in my life. But I got over it and I'm very recovered.
I had never been really interested in watching this movie until then. Strangely I didn't feel as related as I had expected.
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
Please don't go away, I need you now
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