What about you, girls?

just a sidenote: Chad and Howard did this endeavor while they were on a 6 week work project, or however long they were gone. But seeing how extreme Chad is, you're right, he'd probably do it on his free time too.



There is no night as deep as this
Inevitable mind's abyss
Where I now dwell with foes alone

"But every girl I know wants a guy who is kind and treats her well."

All women *say* that. They're full of *beep* The first anti-social unemployed alcoholic abuser that comes along, and the women are all over him. They want to fix him, they want to feel "special" because they can control him. In the end, women are idiots and are attracted to idiots. Women have very little control over their emotions and let themselves get involved with the most ridiculous situations, yet expect the next guy (when they finally wake up) to pick up the pieces, like kids and visits from the ex.

Sorry ladies, but most of you are idiots. "I see you as a friend" ring a bell?

Unfortunately I have known men like this, both in high school and in the workplace, and it's a sad fact of life that women tend to be drawn to them. Why? Because men like this lack a conscience; and without a conscience, in a sick sort of way, you're incredibly liberated. Men without conscience have no fear, no guilt, no empathy; what they do have is charisma in place of all of those things, because of their total and utter self assurance in their own superiority. Add on top of this our societal and genetic predispositions to be drawn to superficial individuals; on a biological level, we're hard-wired to seek out individuals who possess traits that will ensure the survival of the species during mating. On a societal level, we're programmed from almost day one to value physical attractiveness and extroverted charm over intellect or personality, while at the same time being fed hollow messages about "inner beauty" that ultimately do little more than to tacitly reinforce what we're really being told: What you see is what you get.

I recently worked with a guy whom we'll call Alan. Alan was an extreme extrovert; announcing proudly on his first day of work that he was a bisexual, he almost immediately set about worming his way into the affections of all of the females on staff, chatting them up about clothes, fashion, shopping; whatever a given female seemed to find most interesting or important, Alan was suddenly an expert in it. He projected the image of a harmless, unnecessarily flamboyant gay man, literally bursting into tears when seeing our company's new "grunt" uniforms because "They...just...do not...match!" The crying incident, seemingly calculatedly performed to a captive audience in our lunch room, only endeared him more to the female staff. Yet in the company of men (no pun intended) Alan became a different person. When there were no girls around, Alan took glee in making his co-workers uncomfortable with graphic descriptions of what he would do to members of our management staff were they under his sexual control. He spoke at length, without a shred of shame, how he knew people loved him and he loved knowing that people loved him, and what pleasure he achieved from soaking in their affection.

The final straw came when he announced his plans to perform a task similar to this movie's plot. On our staff is an individual recovering from a nervous breakdown. Ted as we'll call him is still in an emotionally fragile state; he's one of the youngest males on staff, extremely insecure, and still incredibly inexperienced in the realm of social interaction. One night, when Ted wasn't present, Alan launched into a chillingly withdrawn tirade about how he wanted to claim Ted as a trophy of sorts; he describe how exactly he would manipulate Ted's emotional fragility to make him believe that he (Alan) was his best friend. Alan would find out everything Ted loved and tell him he loved it too; he would become Ted's ideal confidant and best friend. With this newfound position of trust, he would further manipulate Ted's social and romantic inexperience by steadily convincing Ted that he was gay, and then coerce him into a sexual encounter, after which he would dump him. After he'd done that, Alan said, since he (Alan) was "such a catch," Ted would think that he was capable of "making other catches."

And then, Alan said, (and I paraphrase here), "Once he realizes how ugly he really is and that he can't get anyone but bears, he'll just kill himself."

Then, smiling broadly, Alan thrust his hips forward and began to describe in graphic sexual detail how he'd sodomize Ted while humming the theme song to Ted's favorite TV series.

Following this, the men present voiced their concerns to higher-ups, but Alan took care of the problem for them; in the middle of a workday he announced that he was leaving to get lunch and never came back, without clocking out. He was found passed out in the men's room of a neighboring building with an empty bottle of malt liqour and a bottle of Vicodin.

Even after word got out about Alan's plans for Ted, the females at work seemed to ignore it. He showed up a few weeks after his termination to collect his final paycheck, wearing a silk suit and a red cravat. He giggled when our manager gave him his last check and turned to smile at the nearby female workers, shrugging and smirking. Three of our female employees ran to him and hugged him before he left. They never knew the real Alan; the Alan who wanted to drive a fragile 20 year old boy to suicide for the sake of inflating his own ego, who was an ecstasy taking, pill popping alcoholic. In the end, though, it seemed that at least a few women knew this; they just chose not to acknowledge it.