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101 Things I Learned From Alien:resurrection

posted 15 years ago by mai_dragutz
65 replies | jump to latest

You know how this works. The funnier you state the obvious, the better.

1. Earth is a *beep*
2. You can hang with Johner for a while and you'll find out he`s not the man with whom to *beep*
3. Johner puts battery acid in his drink... just for color.
4. Burning mutant clones must be a chick thing!
5. Synthetics were supposed to be all logical and sht but now they are big ol' psycho girls
6. To make any decent time, they should ditch the cripple!
7. Never ever keep 3 aliens in the same cell!

[–] chime1985 10 years ago

184: Security didn't wanna check the chair

[–] PeachHamBeach 9 years ago

God I love this thread lmfao!!!

185.) If you make a clone of Ripley/Alien, she is a lean, mean, sex machine who can play for the NBA.
186.) Ripley is willing to fvck whoever can help her get off that ship!
187.) Vriess is strong enough to hold onto that ladder with Gary Dourdan and a headless alien attached to him.
188.) Johner mostly just hurts people.
189.) Johner is a son of a bitch who throws knives into paralyzed legs for fun.
190.) Johner drinks too much home brew with battery acid in it.
191.) Johner is ascared of spiders!
192.) Johner is an inbred *beep* who throws tantrums when aforesaid knife is not returned to him.
193.) Call has been programmed to be a devout Catholic.
194.) Call and Cameron from TSCC are proof that in the future, androids/cyborgs are hot petite chix!
195.) Call has a mean streak.
196.) Thongs over big butts and toesucking have no place in the ALIEN franchise...eww!!!
197.) Mr. Wren is not a pretty little bird.
198.) Weyland-Yutani might have been an evil corporation, but they don't hold a candle to the mad scientists who kidnap innocent people and use them for human hosts.
199.) Brad Dourif is the best actor to ever play an evil scientist!
200.) That "beautiful baby" is FUGLY!!!
201.) Alien mamas don't need a vajayjay, just a uterus, so pretty baby can come bustin' out in true alien form.

[–] DwaynePipes35 9 years ago

183: It's a Fork

[–] 9 years ago

[deleted]

[–] WDformerWB 8 years ago

202. The eyes are the window to the newborn's soul.

203. Just because you're the monster's mother doesn't mean you shouldn't treat yourself to a manicure now and then.

204. Newborns who kill one mommy then lick the other one are destined for a premature, very ugly end. Interspecies lesbian alien couples do not willingly tolerate or condone matricide.

[–] rooprect 8 years ago

205. In space, the vacuum is so strong that it'll suck a 500 lb monster, bone & all, through a hole the size of a dime. But if you hold on real tight, or wear a seatbelt, you're good.

206. Back 1996, scientists were able to clone a sheep that lived a healthy life for 7 years. But some 300 years in the future, even though humans have mastered interstellar travel, suspended cryo-sleep & terra forming of planets, if they try to clone you your teeth will end up outside your mouth and your eyeball will be on your back.

207. If you surprise people by opening a door quickly, they'll think you're Santa Claus.