MovieChat Forums > Benny & Joon (1993) Discussion > 'My life's just real complicated right n...

'My life's just real complicated right now...'

posted 15 years ago by elphaba_daae
32 replies | jump to latest

Okay, Ruthie's reaction to Benny saying this to her always confused me. Now, I know Benny insulted her, but I don't understand how or why. If I were a man and a woman said that to me while we where necking at 11 at night, I'd probably think she was suggesting something sexual as well. Not only that, I think he was trying to level with her and be honest in communicating. If she was insulted, I think it would make more sense for her to explain what she meant and why she was insulted, not to mention getting over it and not holding a grudge for days, especially after he apologized.

Here's my question. What exactly was she insulted about and why did she react so extremely offended? To me, it seemed like an honest miscommunication, but her reaction seemed pretty big. Can someone clear this up for me? Thanks.

[–] ooohhhmmyyyy 15 years ago

I didn't get it either until my mom explained it to me. Benny made a big deal about it because all she did was offered him a beer, nothing else. She wasn't asking for sex or anything else. Benny probably thought she was asking for sex and it was heading there than just sitting in her apartment and drinking a beer and they chit chat and Ruthie got upset he think like that. That's probably why he said "Oh sh!t."

The part I don't get is Benny apologizes to her and said it all came out wrong and Ruthie goes "It's alright" acting like it's no big deal and she had moved on and got over it but instead she gets back at him when he tries to invite her to the audition. My mom says sometimes apologies aren't good enough but if the apology wasn't good enough for her, then why say it's alright and act like it's no biggie? I wonder if someone else can answer this?

I think Ruthie is childish in some ways.

http://s10.invisionfree.com/Nova_Infinity/

[–] elphaba_daae 15 years ago

That's the thing I still don't understand. I mean, come on, Ruthie, it's 11 p.m., you're in the car alone, and you're necking. It's not impossible or completely off the wall for him to think you were offering him sex. He wasn't calling you a slut or anything.

In terms of female behavior, Ruthie definitely confuses me.

[–] Giantdouche 14 years ago

Lol. "It confuses you", that is the definition of female behavior.

[–] elphaba_daae 14 years ago

lol

I guess. And I'm female!

[–] esther-eisenhauer 14 years ago

I completely agree. He was trying to be honest and she got offended... for what? Him being honest? Jesus H Christ woman!

...I hate being a girl sometimes.

I'm not psycho, just a little loopy.
*~me~*

[–] susieq8684 14 years ago

I think Ruthie acted like that because she thought Benny was making a bigger deal than it needed to be. It wasn't like she was asking for his social security # or anything. And she says "fine" because she's pissed.

[–] esther-eisenhauer 14 years ago

Well, she acted like she wanted sex from him and then got all pissy when she *thought* he was denying her... I don't know. I can't really type it all out right now. I'm too cold, haha.

I'm not psycho, just a little loopy.
*~me~*

[–] 14 years ago

[deleted]

[–] neverknown 14 years ago

She took his response differently that he had meant it. A statement such as his seemed to imply that he was blowing her off. That maybe she thought all HE wanted was sex, when she wanted more.

Her offer to go to her place may have been somewhat ambiguous, but it seems to me that she simply wanted to "have a beer" and take it from there.. Benny also got the wrong message by thinking that she wanted sex.

If that makes no sense to you, what I'm trying to say is that they both wanted the same thing, but from misinterpretations, they just thought the other wanted something much more rash.

[–] elphaba_daae 14 years ago

Yeah, that makes sense. It's a little more clear now.

Still think she overreacted, though. I felt bad for Benny.

[–] KuD261 14 years ago

I think they both wanted sex and probably more. Then the girl felt as if she had been rejected by him again and that it was a fake excuse and because of that she also felt bad about herself because he made her feel like she was slutty (female sex guilt) and/or unattractive or something because she thought too much into his excuse. She then became offended and tried to turn it around on him like she didn't want sex to begin with and she just wanted "have a beer"

[–] elphaba_daae 14 years ago

Ha! That would make perfect sense. Thank you!

[–] sugerfoot 14 years ago

I always felt that Benny felt like he was being led into a relationship, that Ruthie was expecting more from him than he felt like he could give with having to constantly worry about Joon. If it was just about sex for the both of them, I doubt he would have said anything, and just gone with it. Instead he tries to back out by telling her the whole "Its complicated". She gets offended because she wasn't asking for a commitment, just offering him a beer.

She later uses his line back at him because even though he told her (not in these words) that he didn't want to be in a relationship with her, he keeps asking her to do things with him, or for him.

Perhaps with age this will become clearer. Rejection is usually pretty painful, and it can be hard to forgive and forget.

[–] elphaba_daae 14 years ago

Perhaps with age?

[–] nutsberryfarm 14 years ago

who turns down a beer? nothing complicated about that!

I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

[–] prenzie-1 14 years ago

I can't believe almost noone gets this. Benny asked for a raincheck on the beer offer earlier so now Ruth re-offers it. He acts like she said "let's get married" and reacts that way, all scared and a bit rude and egotistical. He asked her out ,then talks like he's sorry he did and is dumping her. All women don't want sex or a commitment after one date. Sometimes a beer is only a beer.I would've been insulted too. If his life is that complicated he shouldn't date at all and risk hurting someone's feelings. HE overreacted. I think maybe she was reluctant to accept the apology at first for fear of being hurt again.

[–] nutsberryfarm 14 years ago

sometimes a beer is only a beer? yes. sometimes. other times it results in hot wings.

I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

[–] 8tangerines 14 years ago

Hot wings! Great idea. Right, it was late, they were kissing, they've already spent the evening together, she asks him in... it's pretty obvious what she's suggesting. And he says no, things are complicated, which is a classic blow-off line. So she pissed, because it's obvious they've got "something" and he's too freaked out about June to try anything new, even love. So she retaliates with "it was just a beer," but they both know it was more than that. In fact the writing for Julianne Moore is a bit over the top here, but I didn't find it too hard to believe. The screenplay is trying to drive home the point of the movie, that Benny needs to realize life isn't going to be "Benny & Joon" forever, that he needs to let other people in.

[–] nutsberryfarm 14 years ago

yes. it isn't going to be benny & joon forever & it would never be ruthie & benny forever. life isn’t some tandem deal.

I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

[–] simmo-priks 13 years ago

exactly, of course she offered sex (they were kissing, it was 11PM, she invited him in) and got really offended by rejection,I can totally see that
men are somehow used to trying and getting turned down from time to time but women take it really bad sometimes,
I guess it's right that he jumped couple of steps ahead (sex-commitment-family)- he also said no to that girl at his workplace

[–] JeffAHayes 13 years ago

I thought she over-reacted a bit, as well, because having spent time with Joon, I figured Ruthie HAD TO know (or have been told) about Joon's condition, and she also had to know that they BOTH realized the "beer" WASN'T "just a beer."

She wanted "it" and so did he. They both were love-starved and were attracted to each other. One beer together, alone, and that would have done it. Any ADULT who's ever been the least bit close to the sort of situation they were in KNOWS this is true. I think her angry reaction was partly out of sexual frustration, partly out of embarassment that he didn't accept her offer, and partly that she was, actually, a bit offended because she may have also felt a bit rejected even though down deep she probably realized that "my life is complicated" related to his issues with his sister, and not her, but even beauty queens generally have enough insecurity that they don't take rejection very well internally, and few women, or men, are strong enough to be graceful about it externally -- especially twice in a row.

Just a few thoughts.
Jeff

[–] joline61 13 years ago

I think Benny was more confused than she was and he was doing the waffling. He wanted a relationship - then he doesn't. He wants sex/beer and then realizes his sister needs him at home. He is doing the bouncing and she can tell. So she's ticked that he just can't figure it all out.

That's my opinion.

[–] IL_Maestro 10 years ago

That is exactly what I thought, I replayed it again and listened to what he said
she thought he was blowing her off coz if he was interested he would've went with her
what he said was beginning of explanation abt his life and his sister and that he can't stay out late and leave her
but she thought he doesn't want a relationship, making an excuse to just have sex and leave or maybe not having sex at all
it is more sensitive for a woman to get rejected especially in her age being a divorcee or widow and being single prolly for a while but not as much for most men who r u used to that.

"It is never about what happened, it is only how you look at it!"

[–] BulmaPunkRocker 9 years ago

THIS!

Ruthie is not asking for a serious relationship. If it's a beer or even "one night stand" (not really the whole night), it doesn't mean they have to engage.
Benny is way too serious. I understand his point of view, but I understand Ruthie too. I will be offended too, but I knowing Joon and Sam, I think I could understand why Benny pointed that out, still, a beer is a beer and is not a marriage proposal!

Please excuse my terrible redaction, english is not my native language.

[–] pioneergrrrl (2389) 4 years ago

in 1993 resources for families and people w disabilities were super hard to come by.....there was no internet/world wide social media groups. Everything like in the film came directly through the local professional and their perspectives on what was needed . Support and resources would be easier to obtain and hear out today. Would they agree w all of it, no. They would not have to either. But knowing that they are not alone makes things less frightening.

[–] mnbush 12 years ago

from my point of view (as a female), Benny starting in about how complicated his life is, is a red flag. Why is he giving some excuse before anything has happened? It could mean he doesn't like her. simple reaction to his words, and she's afraid of this intimacy too. So she gets angry just as a gut reaction. When Benny apologizes, she says 'it's no big deal' because she doesn't want to get into it any further, it's too complicated now for her too, and it's too scary. she and Benny are too bottled up people and this intimacy is scary for them. They just need to take a breath and start over.

[–] Chara_Angel 11 years ago

Ruthie made me angry. Why couldn't she just LISTEN to him? She knows he has a sick sister, and an oddball situation with his friends cousin. But she acts all stupid for days. I couldn't like her less! Hmph!

I AM DINOSAUR...RAR!!!

[–] BulmaPunkRocker 9 years ago

It's exactly because of that. Ruthie knows (and likes) Joon and Sam. And after a few hours thinking about Benny's words, of course she realized Benny thought her beer offer was kind of a marriage proposal. THAT pissed her off, Benny couldn't take things slowly, everything was always so serious.

Please excuse my terrible redaction, english is not my native language.

[–] tj-94 10 years ago

I saw this recently and I wondered the same thing. If Ruthie came back at me like she did in the repair shop I would have told her to f_ck off, you tease!

[–] nightwishouge 9 years ago

I disagree with all the interpretations about sexual rejection. I think Ruthie was just hurt and offended that Benny was pulling out the old "My life is complicated" monologue as though she was trying to rope him into a lifelong relationship when all she asked was if he wanted to come in for a beer. They'd known each other, what, a couple of days, been on one date (if I remember correctly, maybe two) and suddenly he's trying to bail on a relationship that hasn't even started yet. It almost has a vibe of him having gotten what he needed out of her and now he's trying to take the easy way out. Not to mention it's pretty condescending of Benny to act like he has to protect Ruthie from getting into a serious relationship with him when she, having met Joon already, knows full well what his situation is and why he might not be able to commit to a full-time relationship at the moment. She's a fully grown woman, capable of assessing a pretty serious and complex situation, and he's treating her like she's a child who can't understand anything that isn't fully explained to her.

Overall, even though I know Benny was trying to do the right thing and pull the brakes on the relationship before they got too involved for fear he would have to hurt her later, I can't fault Ruthie for getting mad in the car.

Throwing the line back in his face at the garage a few days later, though...THAT was pretty harsh. Especially after she just allowed him to knock the labor costs off her bill. If she was still mad she should have at least insisted on paying full price, so it didn't look like she was taking advantage.

[–] pioneergrrrl (2389) 3 years ago

I have multiple disabilities myself (but I'm higher functioning than Joon) so I understand how stressed Benny was.

Taking care of Joon essentially by himself was very stressful. Because of that stress he did not feel yet ready/safe to enter into a relationship and give it everything which he probablly wanted/thought it honestly needed and deserved. He did not know when that would be. It's difficult to explain to a person who does not have to care for somebody/deal with a disability themselves.