MovieChat Forums > Baby M (1988) Discussion > To Melissa 'Stern' today...

To Melissa 'Stern' today...

posted 13 years ago by Barb67
11 replies | jump to latest

Should she browse this site and read comments:

I am UTTERLY APPALLED by your lack of love for the woman without whose generosity you wouldn't have existed.

Betsy Stern was a cold woman, who did indeed put off having children until later in life. Too many women today are focused on a "career" instead motherhood, then later when they suddenly "want a BAY BEE" whine whine whine... They turn to doctors, frozen eggs and other vile atrocities!

Your own mother knew what women ages before knew... That being a wife and MOTHER is the greatest job on earth, and when you had the right father by your side, raising children was a blessing.

Maybe now she is bitter and perhaps an outcast of society, but the truth is, she was made that way through the ordeal she endured, all for love of YOU.

If she was that unstable, the place that chose to allow her to be a surrogate is at fault for pushing it through in the name of the almighty dollar.

She has every right to hate the Sterns. I would. They could as she said, have worked it out somehow, and been more supportive of her emotions. She even said she just wanted to be able to see the baby, and just because they didn't approve of her way of life, they denied her that.

This contract in general was a vile thing, these "surrogate" agreements should never be allowed to exist. Yes, you owe your life to one of them, but the pain caused was definitely proof that they are an abominiation.

Nature decides who should procreate in every other situation, it should here also. Away with the medical "science" that allows women to shun their motherhood until they are so old they don't deserve it. Or if it MUST exist, NO ONE over 30 who does NOT have a SEVERE medical problem and a good HUSBAND should be allowed to utilize it. Better still, Why don't all you mommie wannabees ADOPT one of the thousands of children in foster care or thrown in garbage cans by young ladies whose own "career focused" or Druggie Moms didn't care enough to teach their daughters how to be proper young ladies and not sleep with Gangbangers to be "cool".

So my dear Sara Elizabeth Whitehead, Rethink what you've done to your mother. Good or Bad, I'm sure she LOVES you very much, and that deserves to be acknowleged and celebrated.

Mary Beth, if YOU read this, I feel for you. I know you are hurting. Be brave.

[–] meerschweinchen_freunde 13 years ago

You may think that Mary Beth Gould is this saint who didn't deserve to have Melissa terminate her rights but you truly do not know what went on between Melissa and Mary Beth. Mary Beth for years afterwards would go on talk shows and have magazine articles and whine about how she had her baby cruelly taken from her and continue to exploit the situation. Melissa rightfully shunned the spotlight and deserves her privacy despite what you might think nor does she have to justify herself to you. As the victim of a narcissistic mother who believed that I owed her my life just because she gave birth to me I can tell you that just because a woman gives birth to someone it doesn't mean that she's a saint who has to be the center of that person's world.

[–] Barb67 11 years ago

So I suppose you DO know them? If not, you're not in any position to judge either. YOUR mother may have had issues, but Mary Beth was traumatized and no one listened to her. She needed the media to validate her, and perhaps if her daughter had shown her love, she wouldn't have gone to such extremes.

That's all the energy I'm going to waste, you can't change my opinion, and I don't care to change yours, you are NOT Sara Whitehead.

There IS NO Melissa Elizabeth Stern.

[–] meerschweinchen_freunde 11 years ago

I am sorry but I do not feel one shred of sympathy for Mary Beth. If she needed someone to validate her she should have gone to a therapist not the media. You said that her daughter should have shown her love? I guess that would have been by living with her as a child and going by Sara Whitehead because by living with Bill Stern and going by Melissa that means she doesn't love her mother Mary Beth. No, I am not Sara Elizabeth Whitehead and legally there is no one who goes by that name in the Baby M case. There is no Melissa Elizabeth Stern now because Melissa which is her legal first name got married a few years ago. No child deserves to have their life splashed all over the news regardless of how traumatized the mother is. It is NOT all about Mary Beth. I will not change your views on this I agree but you will not change mine.

[–] Barb67 11 years ago

The Guardian Ad Leitum said it best...

"Without Mary Beth, there would be no Baby M."

For that reason alone, she deserves her respect and love. She gave her life. It was completely unacceptable to believe she should or could just walk away from that baby she bore. The Sterns owed her the right to share custody and let her grow up with her biological mother in her life. Instead, they poisoned her to it. At least the wife did. She was that type.

Sometimes children are taught to dislike or hate bioparents, it just happens. Children only know what they are TAUGHT. Not what is the truth.

She ever allowed her mother to know her. That is despicable.

As said, she owes her her very life, and that should be enough to have her in her life as her MOTHER, no matter what.

[–] meerschweinchen_freunde 11 years ago

And the same guardian ad litem recommended that the Sterns be given custody. Also, the reason why Melissa knew St. Mary Beth was because the courts gave her visitation. Yeah, it's okay for St. Mary Beth to hate the Sterns and even try to get Melissa to hate her own father but oh no the Sterns are horrible people for raising Melissa and of course they poisoned her against the saint who gave birth to her. Just for the record Melissa is legally an adult and if she wants nothing to do with Mary Beth then there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it even though St. Mary Beth gave her life. By your logic even if someone had a biological mother who was horrifically abusive that woman has every right to force her adult child to have a relationship with her even if that person is legally an adult simply because she gave that person life. Well that was my mother's logic and it cost me everything and I have been getting my life in order for several years since leaving her at the age of 32 with the assistance of a fantastic counseling agency and wonderful adult protection laws. I have never met anyone in the Baby M case but I will continue to defend Melissa to my dying day.

[–] Barb67 11 years ago

LOL... I KNEW there was something personal behind this with YOU...

SHE is not YOUR MOTHER. SHE did NOT abuse Sara. She just LOVED her, and was different than her stuck up "adoptive" parents would have approved of, so they spent her childhood making her feel like that woman who gave her life and wanted nothing more than to love her was a bad person.

Would dearly LOVE to hear from TUESDAY on all of this... Her sister. Who WAS raised by Mary Beth, on what SHE thinks of Sara's choice to abandon her mother.

As for you Ms Disturbed... Keep getting help for your abuse, you're transferring... :)

[–] meerschweinchen_freunde 11 years ago

And I would love to hear from MELISSA as to why she decided to cut Mary Beth out of her life but guess what she will never tell me and she doesn't have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah Mary Beth loves "Sara" so that means that "Sara" owes her her life. So you say that there isn't any evidence that Mary Beth isn't abusive well there isn't any evidence that the Sterns were abusive either. Since you harp on and on about love haven't you heard the quote "If you love someone set them free"? There is a lot of truth to that. As for you telling me to get help because I'm "transferring" it seems as though you are transferring your resentments for whatever has happened to you on Baby M herself by lecturing someone who probably has never been to this message board and probably never will. Why should Baby M herself listen to what you have to tell her? Have you ever met anyone affiliated with this case? And I will point again that Baby M is a legal adult so if she wants to cut Mary Beth out of her life it is her right so arguing about it and lecturing her will not change her mind.

[–] Barb67 11 years ago

No evidence that the Sterns abused her? Who said they did? I didn't.

Set someone free? Mary Beth was not given such a choice to make. It was made FOR her, that's the point. She was painted in the Media as an obsessed, overbearing mother. This is NOT who she was. She sent Ryan away to live in Florida, so that proves she knew full well how to "set someone free" as you say. However, look at the big picture...

To expect ANY mother to just give away a child she carried for nine months in her body is ridiculous, the entire practice of Surrogacy is wrong and should be abolished, it's a modern form of slavery. Ever read "The Handmaid's Tale"? I'm sure Mary Beth had good intentions when she undertook such a thing, but biology has a way of showing us right and wrong, and in this case it did.

What was expected of her was above and beyond her mental abilities. The center messed up royally in that they allowed this, they are at fault as well. The psychologist even said she "Worried about Mary Beth's ability to relinquish the child"... Hmmm.

Surrogacy is a way for the wealthy to have what biology did not intend. Nothing more, and as stated, it is ALWAYS the wife of the Garbage man who gives birth to the Doctor's child. Money and Power supercede basic human emotions... Disgusting.

Yes, I would love to hear from Sara as well, when she's been given all the facts, when SHE has gotten pregnant and been forced to give it away... THEN maybe she has a right to judge the woman who gave birth to her, who I am quite sure regrets having made such a choice with the Sterns. I can't imagine anything worse than knowing that you have a child out there that you can never see, hug, or talk to. The poor woman must hurt every single day.

And by the way, EVERYONE reads IMDB, just like everyone uses google, facebook, and has a cellphone. I'm sure she DOES monitor these.

[–] Gypsy12 9 years ago

Um, I hate to break it to you, but most people do NOT even know imdb exists. No one really reads it or knows of it let alone monitor it. I doubt MELISSA (not 'Sara') even knows this site exists.

[–] MNRebecca (762) 5 years ago

For that reason alone, she deserves her respect and love.

There is nothing inherently noble in breeding. It would be just as accurate to say she inflicted life on Baby M.

[–] Meerschweinchen (8) 5 years ago

Of course. I recently reread the Redbook article from 1994 and I can see why Melissa has nothing to with her biological mother and her family. Legally she is an adult and if she wants nothing to do with her biological mother there is nothing anyone can do. Melissa is not an extension of her biological mother as people have thought and Mary Beth did make her choice when she signed up to be a surrogate mother because she was no teenager and already had two children so she should have known about biological bonding.