favorite lines


- I can count to zero!

- I bet when you imagine this scene, you always pictured yourself on this side of these bars.

- You couldn't be gayer if your name was Gay Gayerson!

- Why don't you climb in there and weigh it?

- Well, you know, Mom, all my boyfriends like to spend Thanksgiving with their wives.

- Let me tell you something, Bev. If I do ever become a member of this family- the next time you break your pelvis having sex, you are NOT staying at our house!

- .... and some things you lose to the wrong person.

- Face it, you're both tanks.

- Booker, when are you coming home? The kids are asking for their daddy.

- LEON! THEY WILL NEVER STOP MAKING POP TARTS!!!

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ROSEANNE: Nancy's a lesbian.

DARLENE: Whoa, did she tell you?

ROSEANNE: No, I saw her "I'm a big ol' dyke" bumper sticker.


That one cracks me up every time.

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At least now we know the speed of stupid. (When Jackie was trying to heat up her coffee in the microwave with no electricity.)

The line Leon gave about sinking his life savings into his boyfriend's bookstore "wisely located directly across the street from the public library."

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