1) Never show a King that you have a more attractive wife than he has (See The Tudors also for additional proof!)
2) If a sword ever becomes stuck in a rock, ask someone who hasn't been walking around all day wearing very heavy armour to try pulling it out, they may still have the strength to do it.
3) When making a deal with someone, first get the details of what is required from you before swearing on it.
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Uther could not find any f---ing coke!
I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own.
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55. John Boorman is a pervert (hard to describe a man who directs his nude daughter in a graphic sex scene any other way)
I don't have an opinion. The word "opinion" implies the possibility I'm wrong.
I agree, I was hoping for a good laugh, but it's been quite disappointing.
What I've personally learned:
*Smoking really does make you age faster.
Never let a hot blonde trick you into calling out the King's champion.
"And me? I go on to become a big star in Italian Westerns."
Knights eat, sleep, drink, have sex, negotiate, dance and fight all while wearing their armor!
By doing so, they apparently never need to bathe.
Lancelot can, contrary to above, take off his armor while sleeping, but it will get mad and try to cleave him to death.
Lancelot is so independent he can remove his armor and apparently put it all on all by himself...even the parts that attach in the back.
Merlin has trouble carrying a tune...even while talking.
If Helen Mirren were my half-sister, I would brook no hesitation in schtumping her silly either...no disguise necessary!
Mirren, Neeson, and Stewart must practise magic because 30 years later they all look incredible.
Wizards trapped by a Sorceress are a dream to some...and a NIGHTMARE TO OTHERS!!!!
Arthur and his knights had advanced technology that they had full plate armour 900 years before anyone else.
I learned that Helen Mirren, when she was young and naked, was quite hot !
shareI learned that there is indeed a way to move your COD piece and get you a little something something before you head back to war..it saves time after all.
Sláinte I am who I am your approval isnt needed or required.
I learned that Helen Mirren, when she was young and naked, was quite hot !
She's not a granny. No kids..... Prolly still great boobehz, though :)
I don't love her.. She kicked me in the face!!
58. Commenters on this thread aren't too into numbering.
59. He has NOT seen Merlin.
60. Most people get bigger as they get older, but NOT Gabriel Bryne.
61. My kingdom for a shag!
62. Wife, child, hearth and home are not for Uther.
63. A false knight that is a bad ass can still defeat a true knight that isn't.
64. The Queen is NOT innocent.
65. Morgana likes to alternate between breastplate and nothing.
66. Good thing that Guinevere decided to keep Excalibur lying around all these years.
67. The land and the King are one.
68. Arthur and Mordred have an odd idea of embracing.
69. The shortest distance to your opponent is directly through his spear.
70. Lancelot just got crazier and meaner as he got older.
71. Morgana doesn't need cigarettes to smoke.
72. Years of building a powerful truce=a few moments lusting after another man's wife.
73. Excalibur may be a sword, but it's supposed to be used for healing & not hacking.
74. If you're the cutest & the baddest motha-f#c%*n knight there is, you should choose your best friend's lady-who is also your future Queen-as your woman. After all-who else would want you?
75. Gabriel Byrne shrank over the years.
76. One should never drive Excalibur into the ground while Merlin is introducing someone to the Dragon.
77. If you're the King & you're looking for your Queen, pick the woman who's being passed around from man to man on the dance floor.
THE RAP CRITIC:
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/teamt/rap-critic
78 The Lady of the Lake is beautiful, a mystical source of moral authority and would make a great catcher in the outfield.
79 She can also do underwater welding
80 When fighting an opponent who refuses to yield, the best thing you can do is hand over your sword, kneel in front of him, and invite him to wave it around your neck.
81 Wagner invented the film score before movies were invented
82 It was proving your wife and best friend were not cheating on you that, in the end, led them to do it
83 The grail has a teleport app
84 The mist that hides the small size of your attacking force also hides the small number of cast/extras available
85 Don't invite Gawain because he's a party pooper
^^ these are actually pretty funny, thank you!
"Occasionally I'm callous and strange."
86 If Monty Python have comprehensively satirised source material that you want to do reverentially, then show no fear and have one of your main characters affect a Monty Pythonish delivery, and include another couple of references - oddly enough all will be well!
(If Mel Gibson had done this...)
-Check at 24 min 27' Punk was invented in the Middle Ages By Friar Mohawk.
-Patrick Stewart's hairline receded a lot in 5 years (since I Claudius).
-In the Middle Ages there were green glow-in the dark suits of armour and weapons.
-Mark Knopfler Headbands were very popular in the Middle Ages.
-Magneto Stole the idea of the helmet from Merlin.
-Arthur's deathscene would make a nice finale for a Star Trek Movie.
-When a girl offers you a cookie with some secret ingredients chance is it is spiked with the Middle Ages equivalent of XTC.
-Camelot!.... Camelot!....Camelot! .......It's only a model!
I have probably watched this movie over 100 times by now...it gives me a feeling of wanting to do and be better, this is what I learned:
1. To be great, one must have a cause bigger than themselves that they aspire to and can lift others to believe in as well;
2. That greatness comes from leading others to their greatness;
3. There is always hope;
4. As day is to night, good is to evil. One cannot exist without the other.
5. A Leader must be just, not arrogant or let their power overwhelm good judgment.
6. You must defeat the evil within yourself before you can defeat the evil in the world.
7. If a fair time is not forgotten, it can come again.