1) Never show a King that you have a more attractive wife than he has (See The Tudors also for additional proof!)
2) If a sword ever becomes stuck in a rock, ask someone who hasn't been walking around all day wearing very heavy armour to try pulling it out, they may still have the strength to do it.
3) When making a deal with someone, first get the details of what is required from you before swearing on it.
Number 3 is the big one and that's the one that keeps coming up in Arthurian legend all the way back to Mabinogion.
shareThat in a history film, you can really ham it up like some Benny Hill sketch (ie. 'Have you seen Merlin?' 'I havennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn't!')
When you get in a duel (ie. from the middle of the Gawain/Llancelot duel) odd weapons suddenly appear?
Similarly, when in a battle your mates might suddenly vanish without explanation (ie. in the last battle Sir Kay disappears in a continuity error)?
http://www.englistory.com
Truth is the greatest quality of a knight.
Evil hides where one will never expect it.
One day a king will come and excalibur will rise once again...
(7) You don't vote for kings.
(8) Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.
(9) Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
(10) You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
(11) Then shalt thou count to three. No more no less.
(12) Three shalt be the number thou shalt count and the number of the counting shall be three.
(13) Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.
(14) Five is right out.
(15) You need to know about swallows when you're king.
(16) Orff's "Carmina Burana" can be really bad-ass theme music when you are off to do battle.
Hey, you dang woodchucks! Stop chucking my wood!
17) After catching your wife and best friend making out. Remember you and the land are one so be careful impaling your sword into the ground!
18) After catching your wife and best friend making out, when your wife comes back home, be careful it might be your half-sister in disguise.
19) Your pride should never get in the way of crossing a bridge.
20) Knights and Kings wandered around in full plate over 90% of the time, even during religious ceremonies, and other events.
21) The medieval version of the "rope-a-dope" or "MAD" [Mutually Assured Destruction]: When impaled on a javelin, move up the javelin, impaling yourself even more, so that you can kill your opponent with your sword. You may die, too, but you'll live longer than the other guy.
Hey, you dang woodchucks! Stop chucking my wood!
I'm glad someone else on this board sees how much the look of this big-budget movie is not unlike that of the shoestring-budgeted Monty Python production. Some here may feel insulted or put off by your silly commentary, but it is dead on. Bra-vo!
share56. Guilt apparently doesn't make wounds heal
57. Chanting "Anall nathrach, oorfas bethud, dorhiel dienvay" too much will make you old.
If your half-sister wears a brass-boob corset, you will have sex with her.
A score of knights around a table will ride out for a quest, only to show about 6 on the hill.
Kings can be ambushed by badly-edited and continuitical knights
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30. Despite tussling with a dozen knights of the Round Table, Llancelot will still be 100% clean in bright silver armour...undented!
31. When king, your sexy half-sister will patrol the place doing black magic and acting atrociously- and nobody will notice!
32. When king, your father's men will vanish without explanation.
33. If you are cast out (Llancelot) you will grow a beard, act strange and smell like a tramp.
34. When you're horny, mount a horse and jump off a cliff! Your lust will 'hold you up'- too bad if you're impotent!
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39. Walking, riding and fighting in full plate armor is only noisy when you are not sneaking up on your wife and best friend lying the woods post coitus to plunge your sword into the ground between their naked bodies.
Don't you want to become one with me? To be of one mind and body?
40. The Dragon is everything!
41. Excalibur! It is part of the Dragon, too!
Jaan Pehechan Ho
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(45) Patrick Stewart has always been a badass, with that aside it only takes mere minutes for knights to rally an army to siege a castle.
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