"He was hit 6 times with a claw hammer. The first two killed him."
"The next 4 changed his personality."
"Steal a poor man's ring. What kind of a person would do that?"
"The same kind that would beat him to death with a claw hammer."
"You got nice eyes...for a cop."
"And I'll bet your mother had a loud bark."
"He was hit in the stomach by 2 shotgun blasts. The first one killed him."
"The second one turned him into a crowd."
Baby's hand: "You can't make a very big fist with one of those." - "Get your head up when I'm talking to you!" - Kid: "His name is Jones." Friday: "Jones? Care to try for Smith or Johnson?"
shareTo Clayton Fillmore: "You've got the monumental gall to stand there and say they wouldn't have lived much longer."
shareMedal of Honor Poser Glen Procustin Jr: "this medal belonged to my father! And now it's mine"
Joe: "And your father would be real proud of you."
Porno Movie Producer: "the public wants smut!! And there's not a thing you can do about it!"
Come to think of it, Joe didn't have an answer for that one.
[deleted]
By this comment, Koe Friday points out how callused Clayton Filmore's attittude is. Filmore's loose comment is: "Sorry, but it's not as if they would have lived much longer anyway. No human has the authority to decide that some people have lived long enough.
shareTo the neo-nazi: "You keep harping in minorities. Well mister you're a psycho, and their a minority too!"
shareAfter a zinger there is music.
shareAfter a zinger there is music.Well, muzic is what a zinger produces. Right?
19 Year old white drug addict/burglar: "You can't hang any other jobs on me. I did ONE! Just ONE!!"
Joe: "One's all it takes, Boy."
(Unlike negroes, whites don't mind being called "Boy")
Charley Smith (Burt Mustin): No doubt about it! You're looking at him! Charley Smith! The world's oldest living cat burglar!
Joe: He was.
[deleted]
Also from "The Big Hammer"
Joe: "Would you let your daughter marry a cop?"
Dorothy Miller: "Joe! She's only nine..."
Joe: "I'll wait."
I just read all 41 responses to this and I am shocked - shocked! - that the Joe Friday zinger that I think is his greatest 'drop the mic' moment has not been said yet:
From The Big Ad (Season 2, episode 9), the episode where Harvey Forrester hires Joe Friday to kill his wife (planning on then killing Friday as an 'intruder'):
Harvey Forrester (looking at his sleeping wife): Lousy, sloppy drunk.
Joe Friday: Don't knock her, Forrester. She had a good reason to drink.
Harvey Forrester: Oh yeah? And what's that?
Joe Friday: She was married to you.
BUH DA BUM BUM!
Why couldn’t I be Governor of Idaho? Kill a few potatoes; who’d care?
I love those zingers.
share