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Looking for movie/TV show quotes about male endowment.

posted 5 years ago by SomeCodhopper (76)
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A few years ago I noticed that there were lots of jokes in movies and TV shows about male endowment. I stated to keep a list (when I remembered). I'm looking for quotes or references about male endowment. Below are the quotes or references that I have so far. I've tried to replace potentially offensive words with their initial.

Sex and the City Episode: Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Carrie: What's going on, why are you crying?
Samantha: James has a small D.
Carrie: Well, it's not the end of the world.
Samantha: It's really small.
Miranda: How small?
Samantha: Too small.
Carrie: well size isn't everything.
Samantha: 3 inches?
Carrie: Well -
Samantha: Hard?
Carrie: Ugh!
Charlotte: Is he a good kisser?
Samantha: Oh, who the F cares? His D is like a gherkin. Why?! Why?! Why does he have to have a small D?!
Carrie: Oh, look we've all been there.
Miranda: That's for sure. I was once with a guy the size of those little miniature golf pencils. I couldn't tell if he was trying to F me or erase me. There are ways to work around it.
Samantha: I don't want to work around it! I love a big D! I love it inside of me. I love looking at it. I love everything about it. When I blow him it's like, nothing. Nothing!

Lucas (1986)
Bruno: Hey, Leukoplakia. They got a jockstrap that can fit you? Hey, maybe one of you guys should stop by sewing class and pick up a thimble, Lucas here needs a jockstrap. Or maybe a thimble would be too big. Hey, anybody got a contact lens? A contact lens with a Band-Aid.
Lucas: Are you referring to the size of my P?
Bruno: Yeah I am.
Lucas: With a flaccid P, it's the number of folds that count. And anyway, I don't get semi-erect around other males like some of you fellas do.

Trees Lounge (1996)
(While Rob is filming Tommy with a camcorder.)
Tommy: You want me to whip it out?
Rob: Sure, just let me get out the microscopic lens.

Raising Hope Episode: Road to Natesville
Maxim: I feel so sorry for this puny American cucumber. It's so small it could not satisfy anyone's appetite for anything. In Russia cucumbers are much bigger.
Shelley: I'm not big on vegetables so I hope you're talking about P.
Maxim: Of course I was.

Notting Hill (1999)
Anna Scott: You know what they say about men with big feet.
William: No, I don't, actually. What's that?
Anna Scott: Big feet - large shoes?
(Later when confronting men at restaurant who implied she is a whore)
Anna Scott: No, leave it. I'm sure you didn't mean any harm, I'm sure it was just friendly banter, I'm sure you guys have "Ds" the size of peanuts. Enjoy your dinner, the tuna is really good.

Blazing Saddles (1974)
Lili Von Shtupp: Tell me, schatze, is it twue what they say about the way you people are - gifted? [sound of zipper opening] Lili Von Shtupp: Oh, it's twue. It's twue. It's twue, it's twue!

Young Frankenstein (1974)
Inga: In other vords: his veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
Inga: Voof.
Igor: He's going to be very popular.
Elizabeth: [singing, while having sex with the monster] Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you! At last, I know the secret of it all!
Inga: You know, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. In the transference, the monster got part of your wonderful brain. But what did you ever get from him?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [Growls suggestively]
Inga: [gasping] Oh my goodness, I don't believe! [emits several somewhat painful-sounding moans and grunts] Inga: [singing] Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!

Caddyshack II (1988)
(Walking in the locker room, Ty Webb introduces Mr. Jamison to Jack Hartounian)
Ty Webb: Mr. uh, (looks down at his P) or is it Mrs.?
Horace and Pete Episode: #1.7

Rhonda: Are you trying to tell me you have a big Ol' special P?
Rhonda: P is not that big, nice though.
Horace: Okay I'll take that. It's not bad. Nice little P.

The Godfather (1972)
At Sonny's wedding women gesture with their hands far apart to refer to the size of his P.

The Neighbors Episode: Family Conference
Larry: We let ourselves in.
Marty One of these days I'm not going to be wearing pants.
Jackie: Oh, it's not anything we haven't already seen on the video feed.
Jackie to Debbie: Congratulations by the way

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore (1974)
Alice talking with Bea about Robert Redford.
Bea: I wonder what kind of build he's got on him.
Alice: Did you ever see his feet?
Bea: Feet?
Alice: I heard one time that's supposed to be an indication.
Bea thinks about it and then says: Oh, I saw a picture. They're Huge! They're like this! Like this! (gesturing with her hands far apart).

Porky's (1981)
There is a character nicknamed Meat and a character nicknamed Pee Wee. Both nicknames are references to their P size.

Continued in the comments.
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[–] SomeCodhopper (76) 5 years ago

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Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
Cab Dispatcher: Why don't you try the airlines? It's faster and you get a free meal.
Neal: If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak.

The Love Guru (2008)
Guru Pitka: Intimacy is like putting your wiener on a table and having someone say "That looks like a "P", only smaller".
(Later)
Jay Kell: Roanoke found out his wife, Prudence, was dating the L.A. Kings' legendary French-Canadian goalie, Jacques "Le Coq" Grande. He earned his nickname, Le Coq, for reasons that cannot be stated on this program. (Cut to the locker room and Le Coq says to a female reporter "This interview is over." He then removes his towel and there is a thud on the floor. The reporter, as well everyone else, stares down in amazement. The reporter says "Holy fu(beep)". Le Coq also has a tattoo on his stomach: "The man" with an arrow pointing up to his face and "The legend" with an arrow pointing down to his crotch.
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[–] SomeCodhopper (76) 5 years ago

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Up in Smoke (1978)
Pedro: Huh? Oh, Speed? Uh, no, I don't got no speed, man. Hey, you know what I do got though, man? I got a joint man!
Man Stoner: Oh, wow. Alright!
Pedro: [gets it out and hands it to Man] Come on, light it up man, let's get chinese-eyes, man.
Man Stoner: [eying the joint] what kind of joint is this, man?
Pedro: Oh, it's a heavy duty joint, man.
Pedro: It looks like a toothpick, man.
Pedro: No, it's not a toothpick, man.
Man Stoner: No, hey it IS a toothpick, man.
[hands it back to Pedro]
Pedro: No, man it's just, [looking at it, puzzled] it IS a toothpick! I must got it in the other pocket, man. Hold on, man I got the real $h!t right here, man.
Pedro: [feels around in his pocket] Oh, that's my D.
[feels around some more]
Pedro: Yeah, there we go. [hands a skinny, curled up joint to Man] Hey, there you go, man. Light that sucker up, man. We'll go to the moon!
Man Stoner: [looking at a dinky little joint] Jeez, I hope your D's bigger than this, man.
Pedro: Hey man, you want to get out and walk, man?

Nice Dreams (1981)
Blonde in Car: Hey, you guys have any big sticks for us?
Brunette in Car: I mean, really big sticks?
Cheech: Oh, yeah, yeah. We got really big sticks.
Blonde in Car: How about a nice, hot, juicy stick and you guys can get in the back with us?
[drive off]
Cheech: Come on, man! Get after them. They want a big stick, man.
(Later)
Cheech: Hey, come on, baby, you want a big stick? Here comes a special delivery.
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[–] SomeCodhopper (76) 5 years ago

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Gambit (2012)
When checking into the hotel the hotel desk clerks mistakenly think that "Major" is Harry's nickname for his P.
PJ: I mean, what would my mama have said if she saw me doing this, deceiving somebody with you and your little Major?
Harry (Wiping the stain on his crotch, caused by the oil saturated rag the Major had given him.): Well, the Major has made quite a mess here. Good god, this is, it's really embarrassing.
PJ: Don't you feel a little ashamed?
Harry: No, I'm not remotely ashamed.
Harry (To the clerk): Just run that through. We'll take the room.
Hotel clerk: Sir, I already have. There seems to be a problem with this card. Perhaps you've exceeded the limit.
Harry: Oh, bloody hell. All right, try the...
Harry (To PJ): This is a mistake, I assure you.
Harry (To the clerk): Try the American Express.
PJ: I don't know why I worry. You ain't up to it anyway. You or the Major.
Harry: The Major is quite capable, I can assure you.
PJ (Laughs): Well!
Harry: What? What's that laugh for? Oh, laughing at the Major, are we? No, he's handled better than you, my dear. He's been in any number of sticky spots, in and out, and should you choose to play coy this late in the game, the Major would be aroused to the point where I could not be held responsible for the consequences.
PJ: Well, from what I've seen, ain't nothing gonna arouse the Major.
Later when Harry returns to the hotel to check PJ out.
Hotel clerk 1: How is the, uh, the Major this evening, sir?
Harry: Hmm?
Hotel clerk 1 (whispers): The Major.
Harry (confused): He's all right, I suppose.
Hotel clerk 2: Seems like a busy little fellow.
Hotel clerk 1: Not so little, I would hazard. (Chuckles)
Harry (Still confused): He's lost a little bit of weight recently. Semi-retired now.
Hotel clerk 2: Oh, that is a pity, sir. At least it's, semi. (Smiles)

Americathon (1979)
Chuck Barris games show "The Schlong Show" contestants are judged and humiliated based on the size of their P.

Zoom (2015)
Edward's P shrinks. A doctor says he can't perform miracles. He has to wear a prosthetic P.

Get a Job (2016)
Several references to Lawrence Wilheimer's minotaur sized P.
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[–] SomeCodhopper (76) 4 years ago

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F Is for Family Episode: The Bleedin' in Sweden
Vic: Hey, Frank, it'd be righteous if you joined us to watch the fight at my house. Thirty -two inches of living color.
Babe Bonfiglio (Looking down at Vic's crotch): Thirty-two inches? That's pretty big.
Vic (pointing to his face): Up here, Babe.
(Later)
Television salesman (to female coworker): Did I tell you how the army didn't take me because they said my "D" was too big?

F Is for Family Episode: Bill Murphy's Day Off
(Frank looking at Vic's photos on the wall at the radio station.)
Vic: You checking that out? That's Dick Van Dyke, Dick Van Patten, and that's my big ol' "D". (The photo is of Vic in the center with his pants open and Dick Van Dyke, Dick Van Patten pointing at his crotch.)

F Is for Family Episode: O Holy Moly Night
Kevin's boss: Hey, Doreen, wanna come with me? I gotta meet the folks from Guinness book of records. Eh, it's just a formality. They gotta measure and validate the size of my "P".
Doreen: Oh, so the world's biggest "A-hole" has the world's smallest "D"?
Kevin's boss: Ah, yeah, yeah, if it's, if it's so small, why you, why you driving away from it? Huh?

F Is for Family Episode: A Girl Named Sue
Kevin hits Bill in the head as he rides past Bill and Philip and says: Step aside, little "Ds"!

F Is for Family Episode: The Liar's Club
Vivian: Well, Tracy, if I was selling it, I'd give you the under four-inch discount. And if you ever do "F" me, leave a note down there so I know you dropped by.
(Later)
Vivian: Well, you thimble-"D-ed" "Qs" don't stand a chance against me.

F Is for Family Episode: This Is Not Good
Smokey: Boy, you keep up like this and you can get your own truck. On the west side! That's the white neighborhood. Big Twinkies, tiny rubbers.
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[–] SomeCodhopper (76) 4 years ago

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F Is for Family Episode: Fight Night
Frank: Remember what we did after I gave you that locket?
Sue: I think youuu do.
Frank: That's my little anniversary present.
Sue (Looking down at Frank's crotch): Ooh, I think that's a biiiig present.
Frank: I woke up with it.

F Is for Family Episode: Are You Ready for the Summer?
Vic jogs through the parade in tight shorts showing his huge bulge bouncing up and down. Babe is shown photographing Vic. Babe follows after him continuing to take pictures of Vic while holding the camera at crotch level.

F Is for Family Episode: The Stinger
When Bill loses his bathing suit at the pool, one kid says"Check out his little front tail!"

F Is for Family Episode: Nothing is Impossible
Howlin' Hank: Slick Vic with the giant "D"!
Vic: Howlin' Hank with the crooked crank!

F Is for Family Episode: Bring Me a Tooth
Rosie: Investigating how Frank Murphy got his wife pregnant with that shamrock-potato-famine baby "D".

F Is for Family Episode: The "B" Word
Gene: I'm finally done with Darleen. All it cost me was half of everything.
Tracy: So now you only have a one inch "D"? (All three laugh)
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