a not so quiet place-review of the movie film The A Quiet Place

A Quite Place

SPOILERS dont read if you haven't seen this film The Silence of the Place

-so anyway this fucking film is about a family of retards who can't stop making fucking noise
-the one and only way to survive is to make as little noise as possible
-so tim from the office decides the best and most efficient way of doing this is by repeatedly banging emily blunt
-and then has the nerve to act surprised when the eventual baby is born and starts, unexpectedly, crying
-who would have fucking thought huh tim?
-anyway so the film begins with tims psycho daughter murdering her little brother
-who shows no remorse whatsoever after ignoring his cries for help
-doesn't even utter a single word of apology
-and spends the rest of the film moping around wondering why her parents hate her
-the premise of the film is that the lack of dialogue adds to a prevalent silence
-that adds tension and forces the average retarded film goer to pay attention to the acting or some shit
-but this is immediately ruined by director deciding to blast out a generic sounding film score
-which signifies to the average pleb watching when you should feel tension or jump ect..
-which destroys the tension of no dialogue and the world being silent
-cos the world doesn't sound very silent to the viewer when hans zimmer is randomly pressing the loud button at every opportunity
-so the interesting premise is undermined by a stupid and unnecessary decision by the director/executives
-the director btw is the same tim from the office who plays the guy who gets to have sex with emily blunt
-so the major act of the film really begins when the psycho little-brother-murdering girl knocks over a lamp
-which makes a lot of noise
-why did this prat have a lamp next to her when the room was adequately lit by other well placed lamps and the studio lights?
-but no this bitch needed a lamp right next to her elbow while she played monopoly
-its a good thing this girl was deaf so she can't hear her parents constantly talking shit about her
-so yeah the world and military and government are wiped out by the monsters of the story
-but a deaf girl manages to outwit these same monsters
-the same girl who nearly wipes out her entire family by not knowing a lamp directly adjacent to her elbow is both a noise and fire hazard
-anyway so at one point emily blunt walks down some stairs
-and stands on an unfortunately placed nail
-just like marv from home alone
-but despite being pregnant and in labour and the last surviving female on earth
-she still doesn't make any noise
-unlike marv who screams like a little bitch
-so at the end of the film the director decides its finally about time to kill off the man
-the only competent human left on earth
-but y'know got to make room for the bloody women
-and 5 minutes after tim dies
-the two girls figure out how to kill the indestructible monsters
-fancy that
-cue happy ending
-dads still dead
-girl still remorseless about killing little brother and causing the death of her dad
-no fucks given
-the only son remaining is stuck with his psycho deaf sister, the memory of his murdered little brother and father, the weight of the apocalypse on his (the only male left on earth) shoulders, and, due to the lack of porn or other human females, his mum being the cause of his very first erection
-yeah i suppose it is a horror film


7.5/10