What I Learned from Watching "Atomic Shark"

1. People look up to lifeguards

2. There is a surplus of lifeguards at La Jolla.

3. Some radio channels require authorization.

4. Lifeguards are responsible for protecting the country's coasts.

5. Don't eat mahi mahi sautéed in curry ketchup.

6. People catch on fire faster and easier than parachutes do.

7. When you need to assemble a team to take on an atomic shark, look for lifeguards, reporters, and Bud Bundy.

8. Sharks exposed to radiation do not become irradiated, they become radioactive.

9. Don't tell Forte the ingredients.

10. Poisoning and igniting all of your customers in one afternoon will cost your restaurant only two stars - and still leave you a two-star restaurant.

11. When communicating over distances at sea, don't use a radio. Just shout.

12. That Sonic guy's ex-girlfriend, Jeanine, was nuts.

13. Oxygen explodes when it gets warm.

14. Bikini-clad lifeguards' shorts come on and off randomly.

15. Sometimes you have to take the longshot.

16. You can plug an extension cord into a bundle of dynamite.

17. You can make a detonator out of an extension cord and a boat battery.

18. Eating irradiated fish can set people on fire.